So Sayeth Das Behr

I finally feel like doing a new post

2011-01-10T03:49:00.000-08:00

Barbara Ann has been gone from this Earth nearly a year... I talk to her daily, I even ask her to help me bowl a Strike. When she was here living in my hometown with her husband and grandchildren within fifty miles. She knew me as "Bobby". I knew her as "Mom".
It's a shame, really, that my Mom didn't live long enough to get to know the man that I became... Oddly enough I feel as though the rest of my family have also left this plane of existence. I have made numerous calls to the home phone in Whitman, I even gave my Dad a way out- Place a call back to me and I'll call back. My cell plan includes long distance. But still no chat time with my Dad. ERRRRRgggh!
Oh well his loss actually, I have other concerns on my plate that require my attention...

2010-02-19T06:39:00.000-08:00

Howdy Kids!
Today is the 19th day of February 2010. I'm just a weekend away from my long awaited 48th Birthday!
WHOA Fuck yeah!

My Birthday was 02.22.62 0600 hours. Yeah, I prefer using 24 hour time, okay for the folks that just don't get it... Here in the USA many would say the time is in the military style. Or simply "military time" ARGH!!! I prefer using 24 hour time format. I think it's more accurate. For example when it's a quarter past four in the afternoon I see 14:15 INSTEAD of 2:15 pm "

I was borne in the Chinese animal year of Tiger. 2010 is also Year of Tiger. My favorite brother Adam is also a Tiger having been born in 1974. If someone were to say to me, oh back when I was in my late 30's, that my life would drastically change seemingly overnight AND that I be forced to retire before I became fifty years of age.Right! yeah, i should be so lucky, huh?

... the I got parked at "Little Torture"

2010-01-27T19:56:00.000-08:00

Howdy All and Happy New Year!!!
Well to be honest, I "missed" New Year's Eve. And all the parties I was thinking of crashing because i was a patient at Valley Medical (a.k.a. VMC). (Yeah again)This recent stay lasted nearly two weeks! Lucky me, I've got yet another freaking BLOOD-CLOT in my right leg and- cellulitus ( it was described to me as a staph infection that's under the skin- oh Joy!, so that's why my leg swelled up and got so freaking painful- OUCH!! So there I was on IV of antibiotics for the cellulitus and anticoagulants for the clot. When the County discharged me, they did so to EHCs Little Orchard homeless Shelter. The Shelter most recognised as Little Torture homeless Shelter. I was told by the folks at VMC, that the Sunnyvale's Cold Weather Shelter at the Armory- was too dangerous of a space for me. I hate li'l Torture, so much that I'm now at risk of being kicked out of the medical respite side. I think I'll go back to the Armory...

So Sayeth DasBehr

The day after Christmas 2k9

2009-12-26T12:02:00.000-08:00

Whew, Folks!! My Santa showed up on Christmas Eve and we went shopping!! The behr now sports a pair of black sweatpants and a new pair of shoes! I'm still homeless, but my "santa" put me into a motel room for two nights. LOVED IT!
Now today is the day after Christmas and the behr remains without a place to call home.

It's been a long eight years.... but...

2009-09-11T12:42:00.000-07:00

Wow it's been eight years already!

Today, I'm still saddened by the events of 09-11-01.

Wow... It's been ten years already?!???!?

2009-08-25T15:43:00.000-07:00

OMG-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I find it quite hard to believe but it has been a whole decade since [04.20.99]the tragedy of the Colubine shootings! Here I was reading a story of one of the survivors- becoming an entrepreneur. Now the kid is in his late twenties... But when he was a wee lad of 17 he was shot twice that day. He (sorry gang but DasBehr doesn't recall the person's name nor the URL... darnnit! but alas it's now been over ten years since that horrible day...
So Sayeth Dasbehr

It's been 40 years, what about our equal rights?!!

2009-06-29T15:11:00.000-07:00

Howdy All!

I've been to and survived the fortieth anniversary of the Stonewall riot- a.k.a. The 2009 San Fransisco Freedom Day Parade and Celebration.
I did so ALONE which for some odd reason has become an on-going theme for me in these post illness days. I first encountered Ronnie [ a.k.a. Mister Leather Daddy- Alameda County 2007 and his husband- Kevin, we were at the south corner of Sixth and Market Streets The Ross Store to our backs and Market Street and the Virgin MegaStore to the front. The parade started promptly at 10.30 hours and was over by 13.45 hours.
After the Parade I walked to Civic Center for the Celebration. It was there that I found a cute Aussie by the name of Andrew hawking a new magazine recently available here in the 'States. DNA is a mens men magazine from Austrailia. According to Andrew, DNA has been publishing for the Australian Gay Male market for the last 10 years or so.

In addition to meeting Sir Ronnie and Kevin, Aussie Andrew 9of Sydney), i met a trio of young cute guys from Idaho- Rob and his partner Adam and their friend Derrick
I took a liking to Derrick not so much for his young age of 21, but rather for the fact of him wearing a red silk kimono.
Incidentally Rob was the "old man" of the trio at 35 years of age and his partner Adam was 32 years old.

So Sayeth Das Behr

The day we stood together and said NO MORE!

2009-06-25T15:37:00.000-07:00

Howdy All!
This coming Sunday June 28th marks the FORTIETH (40TH) anniversary of the modern Gay Rights Movement. It occurred at the Stonewall Inn in New York Cities' Greenwich Village. June 28, 1969 was the day when we stood collectively and said "NO", We will not yield and allow yet another police raid disrupt our lives. Our courage occurred at the Stonewall Inn- a gay-oriented nightclub. In this behr's opinion The gay community has been mighty tolerant over the past four decades. We still do not have Equal Rights and we can only marry our life partners in a hand full of united states. Incidentally Das Behr notes his own "Out & ABOUTness of twenty five years". LET THE PROTESTS CONTINUE WITH SOME FERVOR THIS TIME!
-So sayeth Das Behr

Two Score Ago

2009-06-18T13:46:00.000-07:00

Two Score Ago...
The current era Gay Community got it's start two score ago. Okay, if one score is twenty years, then two score would be -yup- FORTY YEARS! We commemorate the Stonewall Inn's patrons rebellion of the raids done by NYPD way back during the last Sunday of June 1969. During the last forty years, I think we have been more than tolerant of the lack of Civil Rights to beRIGHTFULLY bestowed.

HURRAY!!! to New England because all six states(Massachusetts, Vermont, Maine, New Hampshire, Connecticut, Rhodes Island now permit same gender marriage!!!!!< NOT MUCH FOR UBER LIBERAL CALIFORNIA, EXCEPT GET OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY YOU DINOSAUR.
So Sayeth Das Behr

2009-06-10T08:55:00.000-07:00

Yeah, My "life" still sucks. thank-you
SO SAYETH DASBEHR

Another Day In Paradise

2009-06-08T14:55:00.000-07:00

Greetings All!
For those peoples that think of California as I once have- the state of progress and all things that are "cool", California's reputation is just that- a reputation. I reside in Northern California- the San Francisco Bay Area actually, and lemme tell you... it's NOT THAT PROGRESSIVE!! Five out of six New England states: Massachusetts, Maine, Vermont, New Hampshire and Connecticut, all allow 'marriage equality' [same gender wedlock]... Now that's PROGRESSIVE- however, not too shocking, considering that the American Revolution started there in the place we all call New England. The commonwealth of Massachusetts a.k.a. the Land of the Pilgrims and The Puritans was the first state in the Union to grant same gendered couples the right of marriage. And here i am a transplanted N'Englander, formerly of Massachusetts, oddly enough, living here in California for the past twenty-three years!
Hell, even the State of Iowa has voted to permit same gender marriages.....
Hello?!? CALIFORNIA IT'S TIME TO WAKE THE FUCK UP!!!!
So Sayeth Dasbehr

To ALL those concerned- FUCK YOU-!!!

2009-06-05T14:48:00.000-07:00

Howdy All!!!
DasBehr has been completely been abandoned by guys & emtities I really thought were my friends- and those I cold rely upon- Manny and Russell. Evicted me from the room I was renting in their Campbell CA home whilst I was hospitalized and in a COMA mind-you. All of my possessions were seized and either given to Goodwill or sold... Namely two single drawer CD players, one eight input stereo output mixer, and my entire CD collection- including my hard to replace maxi-singles, also my Passport and my birth Certificate and my High School Diploma GONE... AW, THEY HAD TO FILE BANKRUPTCY TO SAVE THEIR HOUSE FROM FORECLOSURE AW- FUCK THEM they thouroughly got what they deserved- cause hey! you don't evict somone when they're hospitalized- It's just bad karmaThe Gay "Community" Of San Jose- Bars You know the businesses from where many gay folk get the realization of whom they are... For example the current day gay Community got it's start from the days long ago when gay bars were Police raided on a regular basis, one such place- THE STONEWALL INN in New York City was where we took a stand against the police raids- the stand-off became known as the STONEWALL RIOTS and they lasted for three (3) days. Each year thereafter the "Gay Freedom Day" is a recognised celebration of our strength in numbers throughout the world. This "Gay Day" occurs during the last weekend in June of each year...

Personally speaking, my whole world has beedn drastically altered since my illness- during the Winter of 2008. My recovery would have been so much easier if I had the support of the Bar community of Gay San Jose- As of this blog, I have been 86'd from both of San Jose's popular gay-bars. Namely MACS CLUB On Post Street, [86'd for pan-handling outside on the sidewalk in front of the bar] and RENEGADES on Coleman Avenue at Taylor Street. [86'd for falling asleep on th back patio]. The bar where a good chunck of my cash was spent- Renegades- THE place where a great number of my friends hang-out, play pool and socialize. The one bar, where I was told specifically, that I must have a job before I can be allowed to return to that bar. Fuck! y'know? I run a good chance of becoming a disabled person- that means no job for this behr....Anyways I've asked "Mary" to hang out with me at the SF Gay Day at the end of June... she said she would love to! Dasbehr will be hanging with a straight gal-pal for the 40th San Francisco Gay Freedom Day Parade! I can hardly Wait!!!
So Sayeth DasBehr

Each day is new

2009-05-13T21:07:00.000-07:00

Hey it's das behr here... and Have I got news for YOU! Well not really HA! we're still homeless and HATING IT. BUT THERE SEEMS TO BE LIGHT AT THE END OF THIS TUNNEL. The Director of the OC wants to help me get a place to live woo-hoo! He also expessed that he liked my short story entitled THE 15th of JUNE. Basically the story is about the day that I awoke from my coma, last year. Lemme know if any of you are interested in reading it and I'll re-print it here. So sayeth das behr

It's been a while...

2009-05-11T12:35:00.000-07:00

Howdy Y'all!

Yeah, it's been quite a long time since my last posting. Well since then, i've been getting rather depressed with my current situation- i.e. waiting for this nightmare to end- then realizing that the nightmare is really true life. Plus the basic realization that all what I previously took for granted is now GONE. Finn. I've talked to a number of people and I even have an appointment to chat with a psychiatrist. In my previous life, I would've thought--- "Oh how embarrassing!" But the newly reborne Robb thinks it's a good thang so me being the DAS behr that I am, ain't gonna fuck it up. Well kiddies that's all i'm gonna wright about today...
So sayeth Das Behr

2009-03-17T08:31:00.000-07:00

Today is 03.17.2k9... a.k.a. SAINT PATRICK'S DAY. HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY EVERYONE!!!

2009-03-16T17:14:00.000-07:00

The Ahloha State will be celebrating fifty [50] years of Statehood on August 21 2009. WOOT WOOT!! Yeppers, I knew y'all be thrilled as I am to know that info, huh?
In the "estupido Americanos" file comes this observation pedestrians carlessly cross First Street in DownTown San Jose without looking first for street traffic. CUDOS go to the Coach Operator [bus driver] of the "180" for stopping well before the old man, woman couple as they dashed off the sidewalk and into the path of a VTA transit bus.

2009-03-12T12:18:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I participated in an art class & a creative writing class at the Opportunity Center up in Palo Alto. It was a first for DasBehr to use a water souable acrylic paint. Overall my free-styled work entitled "Stroke" was okay to work... The creative writing class was a lot less creative. Yet all in all it was a great way to spend 2.5 hours
Today is Thursday the twelth of March and that means--- Yup tomorrow will be the thirteenth. Another lucky day! And I'll need to be up at the OC before 09:00 hours to get in on the hot breakfast by the Stanford Water Polo Team. Yummy!
Currently I'm over at the MLK sittng next to a cute homo I just met thruough my armory buddy Mikie. Dustin is in his mid twenties, with dark hair and hazel eyes just like Das Behr...Anyways... I'll be off to visit wit Benjamin within the hour and hopefully DasBehr will get high for the first time in almost 2 weeks!

So sayeth Das Behr

this is my official "QUIT DAY"

2009-03-05T15:02:00.000-08:00

My life still sucks. But at least now I'm doing a little bit to help my overall health... I've dubbed today as my quit day... I've decided to severely curb my intake of tobacco smoke. It's currrently, like- 15.07 hours and I've only had 2 smokes, as opposed to the 7, I'd usually have. I've been awake since 05.30hours this morning. that's what nearly nine hours, huh?
Hmmm... it's time for me to log-off and head out to the MLK in San Jose. That's a 2-hour bus ride on the 22... I'm in Palo Alto at the Op Center right now...

DasBehr/Robb's BIRTHDAY is approaching

2009-02-11T18:34:00.000-08:00

As of this entry Dasbehr/Robb's BIRTHDAY is in eleven days from today [which by the by is 02.11.09
i've met a guy at the Sunnyvale Armory... He's from the southwest of the USA, He's 1/4 American Indian and his name is Chris. He's a 42 year old cutie and he thinks I'm cute too! We're making plans for him & I to spend my birthday [Sunday 2.22.2k9] together- yippee I can hardly wait!

Another one of my friends is now also homeless. I ran into Bruce yesterday when i was at the little torture [little orchard Shelter] Bruce told me he was kicked out from where he was residing nearly 2 weeks ago- BUMMAH BIG-TIME Y'KNOW??

My internal bleeding has stopped [yea!] my urine is once again yellow. As opposed to the pinkish red colour it was a week ago. i also went to the ROV last Monday. I met with my former supervisor Maggie Smith. It was a fab meeting I had and Maggie stated for me to work on restoring my memory of processing provisional ballots. If I can do that , then she said that she'll bring me back into the ROV as a full-time employee! W00T W00T!! That would be excellent IF I can pull it off, because I still do not have any recollection of memory from last February... More on this topic later...
So sayeth DasBehr

2009-02-04T13:10:00.000-08:00

YEA! My month has arrived!!!!!!
Today is the fourth of February, so that means that my birthday is in eighteen more days, WOOT, WOOT, YIPPEE-!! [02.22.62] yEAH, THAT'S AN AWFUL LOT OF "2'S"

but hey it's lucky that way! besides that I'm bleeding internally, I've been to the emergency room at Valley Med and they confirmed that my pro-time level is too high, It won't kill me but I've been told not to take my coumedin for 2 full days and take it ONLY after i return to Valley Meds' Urgent care department... Until then I need to keep drinking lots of water. At least now my urine is pink instead of the burnt red color it was before I went to emergency. I feel okay, althouh my kidneys are still sore. I recently acquired a VTA "eco-pass" fare sticker good for the whole '09 year.
I told David that I adore him. He seemed to have taken that info rather well, he grinned at me after I said it. It being hump-day, I need to get to the ROV and get a copy of my resume. I also chatted some more with Russell, my laptop was sold 'cause he and Manny needed the money for a utility bi and to get some food. Next time I see him I'll be asking for them to replace my laptop with another new one, just like the one I had. sheee-it it's only right that they do so huh? damn straight it is!
So sayeth DasBehr

It's 17:37 @ the SJSU/CSJ MLK Library!

2009-01-29T17:37:00.000-08:00

Yup I'm aqui. Using their kick-ass desktop CPUs. Anyways I'm just checking out other places [websites] and I really be at the Sunnyvale Armory tonight. Because last night was a I ought not be at the shelter kinda feeling I had. But I gots to go 2night and that's where I'm off to. After I call D-man I adoreand it is positively incanny of late- I merely think of David, then I see the same modeled car he drives-- PT Cruisers. Gott Fly- late-

fighting off a depression

2009-01-28T20:26:00.000-08:00

No, sorry ... the title of this blog entry ain't about the economic depression all all us Americans are entering. This is about the depression I seem to be hovering around.

Seriously now, although there hasn't been anything more eexciting to report othrt than the two days I recently spent in "south county- I worked on a homeless census team down in the Gilroy/San Martin/ Morgan Hill areas of Santa Clara County. I even got paid $40 in cash, which is gone now, after buying dinner tonight and some day passes.
Tomorrow [01.29.09] I'll be off to the ROV to try and get a copy of my resume, so I can update it, then digitize it and apply for some jobs I'm finding on Craigslist. I'll even print a couple and hand deliver them to places like Verizon Wireless in downtown san jose- they're ONLY accepting resumes in leu of applications.

I've also put in a letter of interest today at the Opportunity Center in Palo Alto, they also have a high rise of studio "apartments" on-site. They also help folks like myself locate and secure real housing as well as jobs. Yet I so want to build electric cars. Like a Tesla Motors electric car. Tesla head quartered up in San Carlos [on the Peninsula] are in negotiations with the City of San Jose to relocate Tesla's assembly plant from Ireland to San Jose by this time next year in 2010.

In the meantime, I'm gonna try to get into KLEEN SPEED TECHNOLOGIES they biuld electric race cars out at Moffett Field in Mountain View (over near NASA Aimes Resarch Center) The Kleen Speed WXRT-10 race car goes from 0mph to 60mph in a blindingly fast 3 seconds with a sustainable top speed of 163 mph.Kleen Speed is looking to enter the LeMANS race in France.

I'm so tired of the Sunnyvale Armory for sleeping purposes. It's too noisy overall and the staffers have no clue as how to treat people with basic respect. It's now like 21:00hrs 3 hours til midnight, I've got a daypass for the remainder of the day and I have cash for another day pass for the 30th. So I will try to bunk with gary at his place tonight, if not then I'll be on the "motel 22"

Robb's friend Benjamen recently advised him of a group email that was sent out when it should've been included here in this blog... das behr will need to send out a retraction and a huge "Sorry" email to those recpients. Besides all that I was able to breifly chat with David this evening. And it's weird but each time I think of David, within 10 minutes I see a PT Cruiser pass me by. Davids' car is a PT Cruiser... Yeah so weird for that to happen!

So sayeth Dasbehr

HELLO FELLOW CITIZENS OF OBAMASTAN

2009-01-20T12:18:00.000-08:00

It was certainly a long time coming... butOBAMASTAN has finally arrived in piece! DasBehr is still poor and homeless, but come this coming Monday Robb will be working again for the County of Santa Clara- Homeless census taker- IRONIC, HUH?!?!?!

A new Yahooligan at Sunnyvales YAHOO!

2009-01-13T17:14:00.000-08:00

And the winner is..... Carol Bartz [carol used to be the CEO of another Bay Area Hi-tech company--- AUTODESK (AUTODESK MAKES SOFTWARE DESIGNED FOR ARCHITECTURAL DRAFTING...

AS for Dasbehr.... he's decided to go back ino security again yup as it would seem, each time I found myself in a bad economy, Security has always been there. So yeah I'm looking for local bay Area companies with thier own central station [CS] I was told of this one company: SVSP, I'll think I'll visit em online first...
laters!

2009-01-12T09:14:00.000-08:00

Howdy and salutations to y'all Today is indeed 01.12.2k9 It's a bright n sunny and warm day here in northern California. Last night I slept at the Sunnyvale Armory's Cold Weather Shelter, where I was woken up at the usual 05:30 hours and out the door enroute to the Opportunity Center in Palo Alto. I had the chance to chat with David brieifly this past weekend, hw confirmed the identity of the person I had suspected of telling D of my plans to pop the question to him. But I decided not to- I need to date him first. Yeah- I guess that would be the way to go about it huh? More to come later...

ARGH-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-01-06T17:42:00.000-08:00

It has happened again-!!!!!!!! Argh!!!!!! I HATE IT -!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Okay. okay. Okay lemme break it down a bit.

Yesterday I met a new guy in the world, he took a liking to my "ramp chain".We traded for it. I would get a gram of purple haired weed from Frank and a job lead Patel Electric is looking for workers. Frank was on a bike when I met him over by Cahill and The Alameda [across the street from the "Shark Tank"] Needless to say more- I never got the weed, but I did get the name of Frank's company the afore-mentioned PATEL ELECTRIC. ARGHHHH!!!! BUT now my Ramp Chain is gone and I have nothing to show for it. Then there was this deely- My buddy Angel says to ne to meet him at his flat at 21:00 hrs and he'll loan me some cash. Unfortunately I'm rather limited on where I can hang-out at nite. So I chose the 22 [BAD IDEA] By the time I got to Angels' flat it was closer to 0300hrs the next morning. AND YEAH HE DENIED OFFERING ME CASH.

LIFE IS TOO FUCKING SHORT FOR FLAKEY FRIENDS. ENOUGH.ENOUGH. ENOUGH.

It's now 18:32hrs, It's time for me to log-off, take a whiz, and head to the Sunnyvale Armory (shelter)
TT4N

DASBEHR

WELCOME 2K9 it's so about time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-12-31T18:15:00.000-08:00

howdy y'all!!!!!
Today is New Years Eve. 12-31-2k8
I am soooooo looking forward to 2k9!
seriously now, yuppers- SERIOUSLY-!!!!

Yeah, okay what-ever. i was completely alcohol free when i came up with that one. Tis true! just like it's now edit time and todays date is.... January 3rd. Das Behr didn't make it to Macs before midnight but the behr did arrive ambeit during the first 18 minutes of the new year.I was onboard a s-l-o-w moving 22 at the bewitching hour. Anyways, I did see and I did kiss David for New Years! Okay now it wasn't a tonsilictomy type of kiss- mainly because Dave was insistant about not wanting to spread his cold to me [how sweet!] although, I've been fighting off my own cold for sometime now. After the kiss we wrapped our arms around one another for a wonderful full on body hug then I initiated another kiss. Mam-o-man it felt so good to have David Reineke in my arms-!!! YOWZA/YOWZA/YOWZAGRRRRRRRRRRR!!//

guess what?!? I also got to catch up with a man I kinda sorta dated ten years ago. "London" was also partying at Mac's and had also spilled out the door when David came out to see me. Long story shortened- London's name is actally Angel and he has known David for almost fifteen years... more to follow

The first SIX MONTHS post illness

2008-12-26T10:45:00.000-08:00

This coming Monday [12.22.08] marks my six month anniversary since my illness. During which it has come to my immediate notice that people, generally speaking, are rude assholes and many are just too whacked out or off their meds or sumtin like that. I've begun going to the Sunnyvale Armory [cold weather shelter]on a regular basis. it's operated by the county of Santa Clara, in colusion with the city of Sunnyvale and the state of California. The doors open at 1800hrs and the shelter is open from 1800 [6PM] til 0900 [9AM] the next day. Week day days- DasBehr heads north to the Opportunity Center in Palo Alto. The "Opp-center" is like day care for homeless folks. There's a TV room and a kitchen plus a Computer Lab and a Medical Clinic. It was at the Med Clinic wear I got immunized with a flu shot free of charge! I've seen Flu Shot vacccinations advertised in windows for $25.00. Whew, DAMN-!!! [THAT'S HELLA PRICEY!]
Getting current now! Today is the 26th of December 2K8. And I'm at the MLK Library in San Jo [San Ho, yup I even partially pronounce in Spanish. Tee-Hee!!!] I've already been to Palo Alto The Opp Cetr is closed today (Grrrrrr) Yet I also noted that the same thing will happen next week!
And I'll be asking Mister Reinke to marry me in 2k9. Since the Californian Voters approved Prop 8. The Gay Marriage Ban is here only on the West Coast. If the man I love agrees to marry me, we'll be going to the Commonwealth of Massachusetts to tie the knot. My family is so jazzzed that I've found a man that I want to marry. I'll be asking David the big question soon. In the meantime I need to publish this entry for today and figure out how to spend the rest of my day! Maybe I'll head over to the Defrank... and logon again from there. I still need to get a copy of my Cal I.D. so I can send it to the U.K. lottery ffolks- I need money ASAFP [Az Soon Az Fucking Possible. Today i'm heading to Innvision for Lunch at 13.00 hours. but that's nearly2 hours from now...10.40 hrs in the aa emm. A bright and Sunny day it has become! It's Still cold as fuck outside! Laters! So Sayeth Das Behr

02.26.08 to 07.22.08 After a 5 month stay, Robb ventures back into the world

2008-11-04T15:04:00.000-08:00

WHEW!!!!! Oh MAN!!!!!Okay then, now that I've been, once again, out on my own. It's now early November. Summer-time and even our "indian" summer is now over. I'm finally in a shelter- the EHC Shelter over on Little Orchard Street, san Jose 95125. I swear I should've been placed here when I was discharged from VVMed way back in late July instead of wasting my time at the "board 'n care" on Chilberg Court

Anyways- I'm Robb (also known as "DasBehr" or simply "bear". This is my first blog entry since my illness: ( My Illness: In January 2008 I was diagnosed via CT scan as having a brain abcess. The abcess was caused by my brain not having the capability of re-absorbing the spinal fluid it produces. In conjunction with the subsequent brain surgery to get rid of the abcess; I also had a "mild left side Stroke". I was hospitalized from 02.26.08 thru til 07.22.08. The effects of my stroke so far is my short term memory. Unofficially my personal awareness and self confidence is sureely rattled. My lst job was working for the Santa Clara County Registrar Of Voters (ROV)
It was an "extra help" working gig. One that had me Laid off during my hospitalization. Before the ROV, I worked for Nelson Staffing the assigned client was SCEA (Sony Computer Entertainment America) where I did Consumer support for the then- un-released Playstation 3 gamong console. I must have enjoyed working at SCEA, because I now have a PSP (PlayStationin Portable) in my posessetion. California DMV has suspended my Driver's Licence. I need to successfully complete a drivers safety course before my license can be re-instated. The one thing I'm having the most difficulty accepting is my disability.

I now need to get a social worker to look after me because due to my memory issues, it's hard for me to keep track of appointments and some commitments. More to come!!
So Sayeth DasBehr

My Self Esteem Booster Shot

2008-01-20T18:23:00.000-08:00

Where the hell did January go?

Ah, yes the dog days of January- California Style. The time of year when most of the frigid tundra states like up in the Northeast, enjoy their "January Thaw", we here in the Bay Area are trying to bundle up for what many forecasters are saying- will be THE coldest three days since Christ was a teenager. A cold storm is due to slam us beginning MLK Day from my favorite cold storm manufacturing space- The Gulf of Alaska.

Snow Showers are likely said the weather dude on Channel 2. Now I recall hearing all about snow flurries in my youth. But 'snow showers'? Uh yeah whatever. The mean high temperatures for the next three days ought to be around 42F with lows around 38F here in the Valley. Although, it's very likely to drop below freezing in the inland valleys.

Last week I found myself scraping ice from my windshield with my California ID card. I don't own an ice-scraper (like I could even find a store that sells such tools). Besides the Cal-ID worked fine considering it was not even designed for that purpose!

Yea! I got a job!
In mid-January, my friend Mister R asked if I was working. I wearily replied that I wasn't and was considering whoring myself out to anyone for anything that would enable me to make my next car payment. Mister R advised me to print out my resume and to meet him at one of the county campuses for an early Monday interview. There I was at 07.30 hours meeting with Mister R's supervisor- Ms S. By 08.30 I was asked if I could return at 12.30 that afternoon to begin work in the new 'phone bank' for the upcoming California Primary.

It's a temporary gig... But I'm not griping in the least! I'm earning as much now as I was when I was temping at SCEA. The work could not be anymore 'brain-dead'. It's actually very low-stress. I never thought working at the county government level would be so much fun! I work a forty hour week. Get paid every two weeks and the best part- unlimited overtime! I should be getting my first check via mandatory auto-deposit on 1 February. It ought to be quite sizable 'cause Das Behr has got some bills to catch-up on!

Yesterday was Moving Day

Two weeks ago, my friend Mister M had posted a MySpace bulletin soliciting volunteers to help with packing up the operational headquarters for the AIDS Coalition Silicon Valley. I had spent many hours helping others move their belongings from one flat to another, but never for a non-profit organization. I thought 'why not?' so I did. It was fun and I enjoyed it. I wasn't sure if my social calendar would support another volunteer day for their move- but I assured Mister M that I'd advise him by the mid-week prior to ACSVs Big Move.

My task for the Big Move was to disconnect, transport and set-up the office computing network. A network that consists of three work stations, two printers, a router and DSL gateway plus YARDS of CAT-5 cabling. ACSVs new digs are huge in comparison to their former home, so I was quite pleased for the generous lengths of CAT-5. By the time I was finished for the day all three work stations were set-up, functional and networked. It was a good day. I also met a cool, sexy man with a brain! More on Mister B later...

All in all, I continue my strive to be the best guy I can be.

So Sayeth Das Behr

Another month...

2007-12-20T02:34:00.000-08:00

I never liked the phrase that Ben Franklin is accredited with: There is nothing more certain than death and taxes- yeah I paraphrased big time, but the point is those two events are a "given". Much like the gifts I receive from my parents. Birthday gifts have routinely been twenty-five dollars. Which is cool, I usually get alot of items for twenty-five USD.

The pauper like life I maintain, always had me looking forward to Christmas. As an adult I always got a gift of one-hundred dollars. Which has for the most part paid a bill or fed me or put gas in my car. Those gifts of Christmas past had been put to useful things. Sometimes I'd have enough money to buy a CD or go to a movie on the big screen.

Both my mom and dad have retired a few years ago from the "baby-bell" that
served New England. So I know that they are on a fixed income. I have siblings and sister-in-laws and nieces and nephews that also get worked into the pie.
As the eldest child of my immediate family, I know that I'm not the favorite one- that title goes to my brother David. The kid I knew David to be was a nice good decent person, He's a teacher and a soccer coach enjoys what he does.

I would think that a immediate family annual gift expenditure of a half a
Grover Cleveland would get rather pricey on a fixed income. I had looked forward to
paying my monthly insurance installment borne from the Christmas gift from my folks.

Yeah I'm a little bummed but the man I am totally understands the path.

This year's gift is a full tank of gas for the GR1FT3R.

My low fuel indicator is lit.

It's all good.

So Sayeth Das Behr

... and now from the "when it rains, it pours" file...

2007-11-18T08:47:00.000-08:00

To set the stage of the little drama that occurred either last night or early this morning depending upon if a new day is determined by the Oh-Hundred hours (0.00hrs) or when one awakens in the morning.

We were at Renegades and my roommie was standing in the doorway to the patio. I'd look up at him and he'd step back inside, not saying a word. It was like a minute or two later then he did it again. Again almost like clockwork he did the same maneuver. All three times not saying a word. It reminded me of a broken cuckoo clock that went to the door but didn't announce anything.

I needed a refill of my coffee. A cheap elixir priced at a two for one deal of a buck
seventy-five. The cuckoo was again in the doorway as I approached.

"Excuse me." I said with my usual polite manner. The cuckoo remained, nearly blocking the door.
"Excuse ME" I stated again, with a bit more urgency as if to say in polite American English: 'get the FUCK out of my way'.

Once again, the dude just stood there. he didn't even acknowledge that I was standing there attempting to pass through the doorway. So naturally, I moved around him scraping my jacket on the door jam.

I got to the pool table when I and the rest of the bar heard, my roommie shout-

"Where's rent?"
"You told me that I had til the end of the month to pay my rent, that my car payment was most important." I snapped back, unsure as to why a dramatic exchange is happening.
"Do YOU have a recording of me saying that?"
I ignored that comment- please a fucking "recording"? I'm not with the NSA, I don't make recordings of conversations- yet with this guy I can see the 20/20 hindsight would've been to get his generosity in writing.
"You're so outta there" he shouts while leaving the bar.

"What the fuck was THAT all about?" I asked rhetorically. Big John the bartender piped up and said "I dunno, I've never seen him like that before." Neither had I and I lived with him since June 2k7.

I hate being caught off guard like that... I had to tell some of my friends what had just happened and if at all possible, find a sympathetic friend-space I can crash at
or at the very least a backyard I can pitch my tent in.

Damn! but when it rains, it so freaking pours!

No Job.
No Space.
Rapid drain on finances.
Got cellphone.
Got internet connectivity.
Got my car.
and
Some Day My Prince Will Come

So Sayeth Das Behr

We've got some nice parting gifts...

2007-11-07T14:32:00.000-08:00

Oh, well! It would seem that when it comes to multi-tasking and monitoring supposedly automated systems is not my calling. das Behr was un-ceremoniously dismissed from his employer last week.

Admittedly, Das Behr's reaction time was not nearly as up to snuff as it could've been. The megawatts that were produced had no way of completing it's financial journey and
Das Behr was key to that estimated 35k dollar loss.

Das Behr was advised that his shift reporting was spot-on and everything was well documented. Unfortunately one customer in particular demanded my departure as the only likely recourse- for the loss of above mentioned estimated loss.

I knew that I'd be stretching myself a wee bit. Market operating at that company was a long way removed from software application support. Yet I am not one to back down from a challenge.

Se la vie.

So Sayeth Das Behr

... I've got to get a-way ...And away I shall!

2007-10-19T12:55:00.001-07:00

there was once a time when a joke had described the true meaning of "frustration". It was defined as the stopping of oneself from beating the shit outta someone who really deserves it. Kinda like stopping yourself from sneezing. C'mon, we all have had experience, haven't we? How relieving is it to sneeze so loudly and at the worst opportune time that you end up spraying mucous everywhere. But no we really can't do that. we need to be nice, all the FUCKING TIME. Don't we?

How strange that we as a society have come to such a lame-assed place that the mere use of using a car horn would be considered as an act of aggression. Akin to Road Rage, it's not considered nice to "upset" your fellow driver. You know, your fellow driver that has just cut you off. Your fellow driver who didn't feel like stopping at the intersection and just kept right moving against other fellow drivers whom sit in traffic at stoplights to wait their turn to move forward.

What a FUCKING PITY it has become to vent yourself by using "sign language" toward your fellow driver who are acting like the jerk in the white house. Like him, your fellow driver doesn't give a flying fuck about you as they enter into the flow of freeway traffic doing 35mph. Nah, they're too busy having their cellphones plastered to the side of their heads, like they are THE ONLY people on the freeway/roadway/parking lot.

I've always been an aggressive driver. if my fellow automobile operator is moving too slowly, I flash my highs. I perform traditional Californian Stops at stop signs and traffic lights. Yet ever since that jerk in washington has been allowed to plunder the treasury, my fellow americans are getting obese.

It's like a good chuck of people around me just don't care that they are traveling on a road straddling two lanes and treat stop signs like suggestions.

yeah, I got road rage bad, no, no, I mean really bad. Bad enough to really want the-god-giving-right to rip someone's arm from they;re body and beat them with it til they're unrecognizable gobs of flesh at the side of the road/grocery aisle/TSA queue.

Therefore, I've decided that I must leave the Valley and get away from the morons.

I decided to go up to the Russian River Valley and spend some time amongst the redwoods. Yeah, I be goin' to Guerneville for a nice four day respite. This behr is headed for the woods in Northern Cali. No cellphone, no TV, No connectivity.

Das Behr needs to disconnect.

Das Behr needs to drop off the grid for a few days.

And that's just what I'm going to do.

peace y'all

So Sayeth Das Behr

Andrew's Bathtub/Electrical Grid Analogy

2007-09-10T19:51:00.000-07:00

Yeah, Das Behr has acquired a new job in the fascinating world of Energy. But, not just ANY type of energy, rather the Electrical Energy Market...

It would seem that electrical energy is the new cash cow within the de-regulated energy market. Electrical Energy is a market commodity moving at the speed of light. It's a complicated world of Reserve Capacities, Frequency Balancing and quick thinking.

An "easy" example is that of imagining a bathtub. [Whereas the bathtub is the electrical grid] Water is constantly running into this imaginative bathtub and likewise the drain is un-stoppered. The water flow into the tub is like that of an electrical energy SOURCE [generated power IN]. The water flowing out of the drain is the LOAD (a.k.a. DEMAND). The water within the tub must be kept at a constant level or "Frequency". Here in The States (and Canada and Northern Mexico) the Frequency is 60 cycles per second. Which is better known as 60 Hertz (60Hz). At this time there's no technology available that can store AC power. Therefore to maintain 60Hz there must be a balance between what is consumed and what is generated.

In the event of too much generation and not enough demand or too much demand and not enough generation, The 60Hz balance is lost and one of two scenarios will take place.
1> Too much generation will cause the frequency to increase above 60Hz, then nothing electrical will operate properly- voltage spiking is very likely.
2> Too much demand will cause the frequency to fall below 60Hz, again nothing electrical will operate properly- voltage drops is very likely.

In either case, there will be some type of electrical failure. That is why it is IMPERATIVE that frequency be maintained.

Okay, now that there's the fundamental understanding of the nature of the electrical grid, Next blog will add a twist into the mix- Energy Futures.

Your best buys are ALWAYS at...

2007-08-20T18:55:00.000-07:00

If you think it's Fry's... You're sadly mistaken!

Aarrgghh!

I FINALLY got my notebook back. Das Behr had tried to burn a disc- let's call it a "back-up" disc. I bought a stack of CD+/-RW blank discs. Popped on in the optical drive and opened my burn app. I then get a dialog box pop-up that basically stated that there was no burn capability on the optical drive.

Huh?

I looked at the bezel on the side of DasBehr Notebook and re-read the info that prompted me to buy the notebook in the first place: Multi-disc, DVD-RW

Obviously, something must be wrong with the application, I surmised. So I closed all my apps, did a re-boot, re-opened the burn app. Same result! Naturally being the geek I am, I verified the hardware profiles....

STANDARD DVD ROM

WHAT THE FUCK??!!??

Those silly people at Fry's didn't verify the optical drive to "see" if it actually burned discs as stated on the bezel. Which, by-the-by, is "an easy snap-on, snap-off bezel" according to Intel's "How To Replace An Optical Drive" (and why Intel would even have such a manual, is beyond me- but I digress)

I pack up my notebook and head to Fry's...

First I speak with the "Manager of The Day" Mr. Tran. A slim man nicely dressed in a suit and a nice tie that his wife must have chosen for him. Mr Tran was wearing a scowl on his face. I know this scowl, it comes from being the only sane person amongst a bunch of fuck-ups.

I explain to him my concern. I even powered-up the notebook to demonstrate my claim.
The only words out of his face was "Why did you wait six months to bring this to our attention?" I looked at him kinda dumb-founded and replied "This was the first time that I had the NEED to perform a system back-up, THAT'S WHY."

I immediately get shuffled over to the SERVICE DESK, where a cute Indian-American boy
"assisted" me further. Again, I explained my concern regarding the optical drive. Next he hands me a five page "Service Authorization Form" and instructs me as where I needed to put my signature and where to initial. I began reading the packet, but the boy grew a bit impatient and said that it's just a standard authorization. I stated that I READ things before I sign-off on them. Luckily, I had because one of the line items that needed an initial, stated that "in the event of a bad Operating System, Fry's will REFORMAT the hard-drive".

Oh No I Don't THINK So!

So in the box for my initials- I wrote that "I DO NOT AUTHORIZE A HDD REFORMAT".
The service boy then says to me that it's standard procedure. To which I countered that the sole purpose of my visit was for a burning optical drive and that there was no need to fuck with the operating system.

"But, sir, in the event of a bad driver, a reformat is necessary"
"WHAT?!, Dude- I've been using computers since you were in grade school. My first computer was a Tandy 4k for which I wrote programs in machine language (simple little programs, actually but hey I was on a roll). Correct me if I'm wrong- but a driver is a small string of code that tells the OS how to work a device, right?"
"Well, yeah."
"Okay, then, please don't insult my intelligence. Tell me- would YOU reformat a HDD based solely on a bad driver?"
"Well, uh, no. I wouldn't" The "tech" stammered. I look at the banner located behind him that proudly stated that all Fry's technician's are A+ certified.
"Then, why the hell would I?"

Nothing, no comment. Off went my notebook for a five week stay at Fry's waiting for an optical drive from HP. So here is my story of woe. If I can do anything to help those folks I know, all I will say is this...

IF YOU MUST GO FRYs, SAVE YOURSELF ALOT OF FRUSTRATION- GET SOFTWARE ONLY, YOU'LL BE GLAD YOU DID

So Sayeth Das Behr

Come Backs

2007-07-18T17:11:00.000-07:00

Whew, Das Behr has been all a twitter of late... The day trip to the coast was wonderful despite the fog. Since then, I've been more or less stuck here in the valley. Good news is I'm no longer living in my Cobalt. I've secured a new roommate situation and that is moving along slowly the way it ought to. My new EDD claim form has been submitted and I ought to be getting some much needed monies to pay some bills.

I've been checking out the availability of broadband connection options in the localmarketplace... and I got to say ARRGGHHH. What a disappointment overall. I like the aspects of Cable internet, but without a TV nor a TV card in a yet to be built computer box, it still equals no TV. DSL is also a bit pricey for what I want as far as bandwidth is concerned. Wide Area WiFi in San Jose is for the most part still a pipe dream. So that leaves only microwave- ala Sprint.

I recently, like today, read online about two comebacks that'll be happening here in the Bay Area... the Save Mart grocery chain has decided to bring back the LUCKY'S brand. many of the now closed Albertson's locations and the still functional Albertson's Stores are going to be affected by the re-branding. According to the Save Mart company will close all the stores for a two-day period and then re-open under the Lucky's brand. The story can be found here.

Yea! The San Jose Earthquakes are coming back to San Jose!

Lack of enthusiasm for MLS was one of many factors which forced the then Earthquake franchise to head out of town and onto Houston where the 'quakes underwent a name change to be more palatable with the Houston crowd. Anyways, look for the new version of the San Jose Earthquake soccer team sometime in 2008. W00T, W00T!!

As for my own comeback? well, that is still in the works. In the meantime, I'm still sending my cover letters and attached resumes to all the jobs- that I know I can do, as found on Craig's List. A friend advised me of a temp gig doing some project management and general office stuff on a temp basis til the middle of October for 11 bucks an hour. And there's a recruiter from Wired Talent that has an opening for a CSR at a local game software company, in Mountain View, for a long-term temp gig.

But for now as always of late... It's a wait and see kinda thing.

lastly, check out the Das Behr MySpace Presence VERSION 2.0

So Sayeth Das Behr

Over the Hill, the 07.07.07 day trip

2007-07-09T14:35:00.000-07:00

Wow! One of my latest photos taken with my Nokia!

Das behr was feeling a whole lotta boredom this past Saturday, the "lucky" day for weddings and lotto players. 07.07.07 The palindrome day. Anyways, like I just mentioned I was b-o-r-e-d that day. I had just completed my first week livin' in my car (surprisingly comfortable for sleeping, but I digress.) I found myself up in San Mateo county at the Vista Point that's notorious for guys to whip out their cocks to anyone looking for a show. **Not Das Behr mind you, I am well aware of what a penis looks like regardless of who it belongs to! ** besides many guys are clueless to the fact that CHP usually hangs out on the opposite ridge keeping tabs on the goings-on. Anyway Das Behr was coming up on the end of the allowed 6 hour stay and it was fast approaching 14.00hrs. Not wanting to waste anymore of the day without doing something constructive, I looked toward the west and watched as the fog kept rolling over the mountain range.

Then I made the decision to drive over the hill and see if the gate is open on the San Gregorio private beach.

i love driving over the hill on Woodside Road aka Highway 84. It is a pleasant drive complete with beautiful vistas and narly switch-backs. It is so unlike the other two routes over the hill. Namely Route 92 to Half Moon Bay and Highway 17 to Santa Cruz.

Highway 84 is the lesser traveled route. 92 has a sometimes pain-stakingly slow crawl of traffic replete with day-tripping tourists and tractor trailer trucks. 17 is a freeway for most of it's passage up and over the Summit. Funny the same people who drive like turtles on the flat valley floor freeways, are zooming assholes on a slalom race. That's why i like 84, it's a gentle trip. Top speed at times is a blazing 35mph. the slowest speeds are the posted ones of 15mph. Like I said those switch-backs (hairpin turns)are narly.

Twenty miles later, I was approaching the "t" intersection where 84 stops at the PCH (Pacific Coast Highway). Sure enough is was foggy! No matter- I knew it would be besides that...

I WAS ON THE COAST, YAY!

For those not familiar with the beaches of Northern California, Hiking down a trail hugging a cliff is pretty much the norm here. Here are some pics of that trek:

My Cobalt is seen here parked at the top of the trailhead.

Halfway down the cliff trail...

The view westward from the trail's mid-point.

Once on the beach, here's a glance back to the trail I just traversed.

Ah, the fog enshrouded coast!

The tide was going out at the time of this shot.

The private beach is located at the end of a "toll" road through a coastal ranch. I arrived around 15.00 and was advised by the toll-taker that the beach will close at 19.00 "if you last that long". What a queer thing to say, I pondered.

I trudged along the beach for about a quarter mile and found my "condo". Everyone I know who also go to this beach have always referred to the gay made driftwood corrals as condos. So I found mine and set-up camp. Here are the pix of my condo and the view from it:

Yeah, I know there's nothing much to it. A real fixer upper!

The view from the condo towards the cliff...

And finally a view from the inside...

Lastly, another pic of Das Behr!

So Sayeth Das Behr

Amazing 21st Century Technological Majik

2007-07-01T18:55:00.000-07:00

Dateline: 1st July, 2k7 Surprisingly, my car is quite comfy to sleep in! But, I digress- I'm sitting here as of this sentence (19.30) parked in San blah-zay, (Renegades) tapped into someone's unsecured WiFi, with a tab open on the Das Behr MySpace presence listening to a stream of Bastard Pop via the MP3 input jack on the dash for the wonderful base response of my car speakers. My friend's are impressed and agree that it IS technological majik happening here!

So Sayeth Das Behr

Things I've Lost or Another Trip Down Melancholy Lane

2007-06-29T11:51:00.000-07:00

Popular thought states that if you've done alright without something for 18 months, you probably don't need it. usually this pertains to clothing... Yet, I'm placing my own unique spin on it and not apply this theory to clothing. I've recently "lost" my storage locker and all my belongings therein. I kept a storage locker for nearly 2 years. The storage locker had a rental fee of $100.00 per month, which I just couldn't afford any longer. Among those lost items were nothing that had any real monetary value. The only value was emotional. It was my stuff. It was hand-me-downs, basically, nothing more...

Very masculine. Very butch. Very me.

My leather motorcycle jacket made in Pakistan. It was made of 25 point leather and it felt as though it weighed 25 pounds. It was given to me by a friend almost 20 years ago. The jacket was apparently abandoned by a former co-worker of this friend and she had the foresight to save it from a trip into the dumpster. I enjoyed wearing that jacket. It looked great. I cleaned it once a year and kept it looking good. And I looked good wearing it, too. Very masculine. Very butch. Very me. I wore the jacket all the time from late summer through mid-winter. Unlike many of the other leather folk whose leathers only came out of their respective closets for various leather events in SF, like Folsom Street Fair or Dore Alley or the Leather Nights at the old Renegades on Stockton. But over the years that it was in my daily care, it was beginning to show it's age. The pockets had deteriorated and could no longer function as pockets. Then the lining deteriorated and the insulation fell out of it. Perhaps it's best that it's gone because I'll be able to get a new jacket for less than it would to refurbish my Pakistan jacket.

There was a matching credenza and night stand that I got from my friend Ottah, just before he moved to the District of Columbia. The credenza, made of pressed wood with a plastic like wood veneer, it was about six feet long with a cabinet at each end with three drawers in the center. The matching night stand was chocked full of black octagon dishes a service for four with coffee mugs.

Years ago I bought a remnant from a closing JC Penney store. In it's previous life this item was a glass display case for picture frames. When I acquired it, it continued being used as a functional display case. Standing 5 and a half feet tall, save the plastic connector clips that supported the shelves and back, the remaining components- bottom, top, sides, rear and three shelves of the case was made entirely of 3/4" tempered plate glass. My audio equipment and sound mixer as well as my library and other glass objects d'art were all housed in my glass case.

With the advent of home CD burning, my black Pioneer double tape deck saw little use, perhaps someone can find enjoyment with it now. Another JC Penney's piece was a display three panel screen and wicker basket filled with clean T-shirts and old pairs of shorts. A ginger jar like lamp was given to me years ago when buying storage locker contents was better than going to a yard sale.

I don't regret many things. but I do regret losing my hand-knitted Granny Square styled crocheted afghan that my Mom made for me, a good 30 years ago. I also had in my possession my brothers' afghan- it was my intention to send it to his wife as a gift- a sort of peace offering. Well so much for regret.

Material things are temporary. I just hope that someone or many someone's may get some use out of my belongings... And maybe pass them along too.

So Sayeth Das Behr

Things I Have Done

2007-06-21T00:01:00.000-07:00

Recently, I began to think back on all the things I've done over the years. Some may be considered unremarkable and others- once in a lifetime events...

I had once worked in a darkroom where I duplicated and processed 35mm microfilm. I had taught myself defensive driving skills by doing donuts on an ice covered parking lot. I had once bought $200 worth of Chicago albums in one shot. I had bought my first compact disc- Mike Oldfield's TUBULAR BELLS before I owned a CD player. I had my Massachusetts drivers license seized by CHP after I got pulled over for doing 80 in a 55 MPH zone near SFO. I had committed an act of vandalism at a school in Massachusetts- I threw multiple rocks through many panes of glass. The first girl I had kissed was Mary Priolli when I was eight years old. The last girl I had kissed was Ruth McDonnell, just before I came out to her. The first man I had kissed was also my first boyfriend- TJ Lewis. My first car was a Chevy Vega, that I had once drove recklessly through a snow covered cemetery, hit a snow bank and busted my timing belt. After the thaw I noticed I had sheared off a headstone that was hidden in the snow bank. I had totalled my dad's car when I was 19. The aftermath of that accident had put 35 stitches to close the inside of my mouth. I had been struck in the mouth with the blade of a shovel, which chipped all of my lower teeth. Growing up, I hated my brother Doug so much, that I stood by and did nothing as some neighborhood kids beat the crap out of him. I had been gay bashed twice, with skateboards, within a four week period. I had bought an old true quadraphonic sound system from a friend, just to listen to the first three Chicago albums. I had thrown a knife at my sister after she called me a faggot. I had never cheated on any of my boyfriends. I got pulled over on the freeway for driving too slow- I had witnessed a motorcyclist getting decapitated in a horrific accident 10 miles back.

I had driven my VW Beetle 18 months without a proper registration nor insurance. I drove round trip to San Diego for Pride. I had missed my brother's [Adam] wedding, which in turn spurned a 15 year estrangement. I have two nieces and two nephews that don't know me nor I them. I had gone to college for architectural design, but dropped out just as AutoCAD was being introduced at the college level. I had been a member of Queer Nation/San Jose. I've had sex with 528 different guys over a 20 year period.

I had once fallen asleep behind the wheel and woke up after I had changed lanes. I once slept under the Park Avenue Bridge. I had "survival camped" along the Guadalupe River for three months. I had slept in a sitting position in my VW and I had developed Deep Vein Thrombosis. My appendix had burst while at work and I waited a week before seeking medical attention because I thought the pain would go away. I subsequently lost three feet of bowel due to peritonitis. I lived through two pulmonary embolisms. I have an In-Chest Defibrillator [ICD] with a dead battery. I've awaken in a panic after discovering that I was no longer breathing. I've been clocked at 3 minutes between breaths during an apneac event. I have a high degree AV block.

I walked from Daly City to Palo Alto in five hours one night. I walked from SoHo to Kensington and through Piccadilly Circus at 4 in the morning. I cruised for guys on the London Underground. I walked through the National Mall, in the District of Columbia at 5 in the morning. I traded my microwave oven for a car ride to the bus station to get out of Fort Myers Florida. I had done "mil-spec" soldering of SMT printed circuit cards. I had quit smoking cigarettes for 3 months in the late 90s.

I have always "been there" for my friends, sometimes without regard for my personal well-being. I have performed emergency road repair on my VW with a butter knife. I had replaced the gas tank on another VW and used medical grade flex tubing for a fuel line. I lived in my Subaru for five months while I worked at SFO. I have been to fourteen consecutive SF Pride events. I had post-9/11, 24/7 access to the AOA [Airport Operations Area] aka- the Ramp and sometimes had the opportunity to watch the 747-400's achieve lift. I had nearly become a "speed bump" to an inbound United 747 on her way into a "G" Side gate. I had been on "Death's Doorstep" on three separate occasions. I had busted my ass for my customer- Virgin Atlantic Airways. I have met Steve Ridgeway [CEO, Virgin Atlantic Airways]. I have met Sir Richard Branson [Chairman, Virgin Group].

So Sayeth Das Behr

A-Ha! So, There!

2007-06-12T20:33:00.000-07:00

My car payment is due every month about this time. Up until the current month, the buyer, would internally route the remit slip from his office to me. Each month and I'm talking, like, five. But not for June. Strange, I don't think he would've forgotten the procedure. he's good like that. The buyer would always open the envelope with a slicing tool and I'd find it atop my table...

Hmm, wonders Das Behr's inner thoughts...

I suppose, it's possible, that perhaps, the buyer is setting me up for failure !?!

Damn, no remit slip. How the hell was I going to send in the payment without a remit slip? I don't want to just enclose my check in an envelope and send it off. Yeah, same risk as mailing it with a remit slip... but still.

I tried creating an online account to do an "e-pay". But I need an authorization code and stuff. but then I read further on the financially sticky website, that I can make a phone payment! Jotting down the number directly into DasBehr Nokia, I made a phone call. entered some routing numbers and checking account numbers and voile!

Payment made and will post for today 12 June 2k7. it was due on the 14th. that in itself is also strange because my payments were due on the fifteenth of each month...

JUNE 2007 MONTHLY INSTALLMENT PAID.

A-Ha!

So, There!

... don't fuck with me fellas...

So Sayeth Das Behr

I'd Rather Fight Than Switch

2007-06-06T08:18:00.000-07:00

There's nothing like borrowing a tag-line from an old cigarette brand, like Tarrington's. I vaguely remember the TV commercials that depicted this good looking guy with a black eye. Apparently this good looking guy chose to fight rather than switch to another cigarette brand.

Well... As it turns out, there seems to be some legal matters to be worked out. My research shows that since I'm the co-buyer on my car- that I would need to be bought out of the contract before my car can be taken from me. These are some of the points that I am considering:

1> The DMV registration has my name on it, too.
2> As co-buyer, it is my OBLIGATION to pay the monthly installments on my car.
3> I have POSSESSION of my car.
4> I have not DEFAULTED on any of my payments.

as far as DMV is concerned, I'm the registered co-owner. As co-buyer, I signed the auto loan contract and are legally binding to pay it off either through 60 monthly installments or all at one time. My records show 5 consecutive on-time payments thus far. Therefore no defaults- no one can take my car if I'm maintaining the payments. The Cobalt is in my possession, which is like "squatters rights" with a twist. As well as documented proof, as in copies of my cancelled checks that my payments were made on-time each month since this past February.

Now if the buyer wants me off of that contract- he'll have to buy-me-out on all monies that I've put into that car. Or relinquish himself from the contract. Either way that loan doc is going to be re-written. If he decides to buy me out then hell, I also want the $500 that my Subaru earned in the trade. I'd like to work this out- but, if it comes to it I'm prepared to go to small claims court as a last resort. I'm a mellow guy, but when I get T-boned by someone who thinks he knows it all. Hell, the whole point of a co-signer on a loan is to "lend" the help of a more superior credit rating. It does not give carte Blanche rights to take something away and give it to another. As Faye Dunaway portrayed Joan Crawford so eloquently in the movie Mommy Dearest- I'm reminded of the line stated during the Pepsico Board meeting...

DON'T FUCK WITH ME FELLAS!

The gauntlet has been thrown and will most likely trash an 18 year friendship.

You've Been Screwed, But Here's A Nice Parting Gift

2007-06-05T16:11:00.000-07:00

I got T-boned this morning.

I didn't even see this one coming. Oh sure I saw the CAUTION BRIDGE OUT sign but I was assured that I would have plenty of time to stop and take another path. Well apparently not the path that I would've chosen for myself. I had to follow THEIR path. The optional paths I was considering had been blocked off by invisible force fields. I HAD to stay in the uber expensive Bay Area.

DasBehr was unceremoniously advised that a new roommate was obtained and that said new roommie will be moving in later this month. In addition, unless DasBehr can cough up an auto insurance policy to cover a 15,000 car to the tune of $800,000.

-OR-

Buy out the co-signer on the $15,000 car loan, then DasBehr can keep the Cobalt.

Uh, yeah, sure, like THAT is going to happen... It's already been decided much to my dismay. The previously agreement of "get-a-new-job-by-the-end-of-June-or-get-out" has expired. My Cobalt will be given to the new incoming roommate and I will assume the new roommates current car- a circa 1988 Cadillac with a leaky oil pan.

I'll be deploying my safety net later today. I filled-up the Cobalt and want to take it to the coast at least one more time before I "surrender" it.

Oh, and as for the notebook computer, I get to keep that as a "consolation gift".

Now where did I put those Portland Oregon brochures?

Dropping Off The Grid

2007-06-04T17:09:00.000-07:00

Okay, the inevitable happened. As previously mentioned- the ol' drink in one hand and smoke in the other- hit me full force this past weekend. DAMN!

I bought my first pack of smokes in more than a week. And I've made the decision that I'll be doing the quit thing with more vigilance and vigor starting tomorrow 5 June.
I need to drop off the grid for awhile. No more hanging out with my smoker friends. I can't remain steadfast in my quest for a more healthy lifestyle if I continue to hang out amidst all the temptations presented within a bar atmosphere.

During the week of no tobacco, my sense of smell returned, I could taste things again, my breathing wasn't obstructed, I had more energy due to an increase in oxygen, and my sinuses weren't clogged up.

Gee, even I can see the benefits of not smoking and I need to succeed in this.

And of course, I will...

After 28 years, I KNOW I CAN DO THIS.

2007-05-29T10:36:00.000-07:00

Well it finally happened. The price of a pack of cigarettes and a gallon of petrol have now come into balance. A gallon of petrol could propel my car 28 miles. Contrastingly, a pack of 20 oxygen robbing cigarettes could not propel me nearly that far- My lungs can no longer keep up with the air requirement to propel my mountain bike, let alone dance and I really enjoy dancing!

Once upon a time when I was grossly involved with my addiction- I would fore go sustenance to ensure I had at least a pack of cigarettes on hand. My stomach would be growling quite audibly, but I'd ignore it, as long as I got my nicotine fix.

Whenever I felt hungry, I'd "comfort" myself with the knowledge that at least I had some smokes. For years I smoked in what seemed like wild abandon. It was my safety blanket when I got stood up for a date. It was there for me when I felt depressed, when I was lonely in a crowd, when I was stressed and when I was drunk, It was there my mini-escape from reality. In the late Nineties, I went on the patch. I had not smoked for almost four months, then I relapsed. A decade later I knew I had to try again, because I've been lying to myself for what seemed to be all the fucking time:

"I'll quit smoking next week."
"I will quit smoking soon."
"This is my last cigarette."
"I really need to stop smoking."

I made "quit dates" and ignored them. I went on the patch and smoked anyway.
I smoked long cigarettes, I smoked short cigarettes, I smoked roached cigarettes.
When I ran out and had no cash or plastic to get more, my inner junkie would come out and I saw myself staking out public ashtrays- hunting for cigarettes long enough for me to rip-off the filters and smoke the remainder like a joint.

Thinking aloud one day, I surmised, what were my triggers for reaching for my cigarettes? Plainly, it's boredom. Why is it that we all must "look busy" at all times? Then it occurred to me... I don't. It's okay to be doing nothing at all, it's okay not to smoke.

The sub-conscience urge.

It was strange and quite weird when I first noticed this phenomena. I was sitting and chatting amongst a group of friends. Of my friends, all but two smoke cigarettes regularly. I reached for my pack and extracted one cigarette. It was then that I noticed other smokers also reach for their pack and take-out a cigarette. Yet, unlike me, they all sparked up. It was like watching a wildfire in slow motion...

Ouch.

I ran out of cigarettes last Friday afternoon, 25 May, around six-ish. It was then that I made the decision that I refuse to buy more. I know I can do this. Case in point- one week prior, I was washing my car, I spent four hours performing that labor of love and not once during that afternoon did I feel the urge to light up.

Last Sunday, I found a cigarette with a hit left on it. So, being the nico-addict that I am, I lit it and inhaled. I had gone 36 hours without nicotine and this small booster of nicotine sent my physiology into hyper-drive. The first thing I felt was light-headed to the point of feeling dizzy. Then I noticed my heart rate jump to a faster pace, then I began sweating and felt a headache beginning to form. I immediately sought out my bed and waited almost ten minutes for me to recuperate and for the first time it did something I had never anticipated- it scared me.

It is now the night of Tuesday, 29 May. It's been at least 48 hours since I took that hit off the roached cigarette. I'm still without cash. My car now has a low fuel indicator illuminating my dash cluster. I've located my 2mg nico-gum. Rotten Robbie's is selling "nicotine infused water" in 2 mg doses.

I have yet to test my new found freedom from cigarettes. I've yet to venture out to where the smokers congregate. I've yet to subject myself to having a drink in one hand and feel the "need" to have a cigarette in the other. But to help me in those moments of weakness, I have a new mantra...

I can do this.

I can do this.

I CAN DO THIS.

After 28 years, I KNOW I CAN DO THIS.

Tarnishing Good Intentions

2007-05-24T19:40:00.000-07:00

The following is a recent "Bulletin Posting" found on the Das Behr MySpace presence. Following the posting is Das Behr's reaction to the posting- which incidentally was sent to the person that made the post...

"May 24, 2007 1:39 PM
Subject please read
Body: Read all of this one, it is interesting!! Read down to the very bottom highlighted in green, IT GAVE ME GOOSEBUMPS!!! You don't want to miss this! ((*_*))

VERY INTERESTING---

1. The Garden of Eden was in Iraq.

2. Mesopotamia, which is now Iraq, was the cradle of civilization!

3. Noah built the ark in Iraq.

4. The Tower of Babel was in Iraq.

5. Abraham was from Ur, which is in Southern Iraq!

6. Isaac's wife Rebekah is from Nahor, which is in Iraq!

7. Jacob met Rachel in Iraq.

8. Jonah preached in Nineveh - Which is in Iraq.

9. Assyria, which is in Iraq, conquered the ten tribes of Israel.

10 Amos cried out in Iraq!

11. Babylon, which is in Iraq, destroyed Jerusalem.

12. Daniel was in the lion's den in Iraq!

13. The three Hebrew children were in the fire in Iraq (Jesus had been in

Iraq also as the fourth person in the Fiery Furnace!)

14. Belshazzar, the King of Babylon saw the "writing on the wall" in Iraq.

15. Nebuchadnezzar, King of Babylon, carried the Jews captive into Iraq.

16. Ezekiel preached in Iraq.

17. The wise men were from Iraq.

18. Peter preached in Iraq.

19. The "Empire of Man" described in

Revelation is called Babylon, which was a city in Iraq!

And you have probably seen this one: Israel is the nation most often mentioned in the Bible. But do you know which nation is second? It is Iraq! However, that is not the name that is used in the Bible. The names used in the Bible are Babylon, Land of Shinar, and Mesopotamia . The word Mesopotamia means between the two rivers, more exactly between the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers. The name Iraq, means country with deep roots.

Indeed Iraq is a country with deep roots and is a very significant country in the Bible.

No other nation, except Israel, has more history and prophecy associated

With it than Iraq.

And also, this is something to think about: Since America is typically represented by an eagle. Saddam should have read up on his Muslim passages...

The following verse is from the Koran, (the Islamic Bible).

Koran (9:11 ) - For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah;

And there was peace.
(Note the verse number!) Hmmmmmmm?!

I BETTER NOT HEAR OF ANYONE BREAKING THIS ONE OR SEE IT DELETED. This is a ribbon for soldiers fighting in Iraq. Pass it on to everyone and pray. Something good will happen to you tonight at 11:11 PM. This is not a joke. Someone will either call you or will talk to you online and say that they love you. Do not break this chain. Send this to 13 people in the next 15 minutes. Go."

Oh PULEEEZE!

Yes, I agree, Iraq was in fact, Mesopotamia. But to put a "Troop spin" on it then make it into a chain letter, truly in this Behr's opinion, it's now rubbish! The youngsters being killed in that blood bath signed up to do a job. Unfortunately they, and the rest of us, were TOTALLY misled into believing that the former Iraqi president (that the good ol' US of A put into power and AIDED in the Iraq-Iran war) had conspired with Al Qaeda regarding 9/11 and that Saddam had access to WMDs (remember those?). Many of the Service Members of the Coalition Forces, are trying to stay alive under the extremely difficult conditions. And to affix the information into a FREAKING CHAIN LETTER-?!?!?! Don't even get me started on the insensitive comparison that the Holy Book of Islam (Koran) as the "Islamic Bible". Yet if the comparison was made in the attempt to get simple Americans to relate, then I say give the simpletons the actual name and let them draw their own conclusions.
As for my sub-link in the "chain-letter" consider it broken! Grrrrr!

So Sayeth Das Behr

Technology- Gotta Love it!

2007-04-30T14:40:00.000-07:00

Das Behr just LOVES technology. especially consumer technology. How fitting it is to be here in the remnants of Silicon Valley, sitting at my local gay bar enjoying a nice bottle of IPA, with my notebook computer attached to an anonymous un-secured broadband Wi-Fi port and my trusty Nokia cellphone on the side. It's a virtual office without the annoying intra-office politicos. The partner of a friend insists that I ought to be out pounding on doors and filling out job application paperwork. I tried to explain that the job hunt scenario that he once knew, hasn't been in fashion for nearly a decade and a half. Whereas email has become the defacto method of business communication, it would only make crystal clear sense that "job hunting" would become virtual as well. Needless to say, my virtual office hits the road every day around 14:00 hours. First stop is usually Renegades where I sit outside with the above mentioned brew and check over the want ads on Craig's List. The battery on Das Behr Notebook has a capacity of about two hours, so when the battery gets low, I pack-up and head over to Panera Bread, order some food and get back to work- this time on AC power and their free Wi-Fi connection.

Finally, I'm getting some headway. I've been in contact with a company up in The City- who say that I look fantastic on paper. I've had two telephone interviews last week and now they want a face-to-face interview at their office sometime mid-week in early May. There's also another company vying for my attention. I have a phone interview scheduled for tomorrow morning around 09:30 hours.

Keeping fingers, toes and eyes crossed I hope the interviews go well. The gig in San Francisco would be nice as would the latest gig option located in Palo Alto. Either or at this juncture, GR1FT3R loves the open road as much as I do, besides this tooling around on city surface streets is wrecking havoc with my gas mileage!

Internet radio

2007-04-18T08:36:00.000-07:00

The time has come for the RIAA to get a back handed slap... I think they are trying to create a monopoly on how music is distributed, marketed and consumed. They are mighty and powerful, but i think a boycott of their members' works of musical art forms must be done in order to reach a compromise. Internet radio and streaming audio has become a method of getting new music into or rather onto the computers of millions of people. To slam webcasters with a 300% increase on fees is insane!

I think it will lead to more illgel ways of music distribution. P2Ps were only the beginning.

So Sayeth Das Behr

The Delightfully Complicated Man

2007-03-26T11:10:00.000-07:00

On that night, my haunts no longer sparked. Like an old pair of tennis shoes- though broken-in and tread worn they're nothing to look at and hold no mysteries.

I felt pensive as the new day approached.

Looking, yet not looking. Yearning, but not searching. I ventured out to the rumoured rice palace. It had been nearly a decade since my last encounter there when the enamored Irish fellow had torn the favorite shirt from my torso.

Anticipating intrigue, I walked into the venue where I noted curious eyes darting in my direction then look away. All had, but one. His eyes pierced the antiquated ether between us. A mutually locked gaze both engaging and curious sans the weariness and suspicion to which I'd been accustomed.

He opened up to me rather readily, at times parroting back the opinions of others- who had stated that his "problem" was that he was "fat" and "ugly". I felt as though he was trying to validate those opinions as fact. But I couldn't concur for I saw no problem. From the inner reaches of my mind, I recalled a story similar to this. Yet, before me I observed the contrary. I advised that he didn't have a "problem". For he, in this room of mallards, is the one true swan.

I noted that he's a complex man. His troubled childhood experiences mirror my own. He has discovered as I had, that his earlier life's experiences makes him the man he is today. Strong willed and quite capable of getting just as psychologically deep as the depths of which Das Behr can swim. This swan of a man has the ability to conceptualize abstract theory- Space, Time, and Existence in non-linear terms.

The Superlatives: Delightfully Complicated, strong willed, great sense of family, street smart, really intelligent (hello? "conceptualizes abstract theory" for some it's right up there with rocket science!), hunky, firm biceps, enough curly locks to capture a bear paw, Piercing brown eyes, full lips that I'd love to kiss, squishy in all the right places and a more than a few sandwiches in his pic-a-nic basket, He is all man. smart, quick wit, sharp tongued, endearing, cuddly, all wrapped up in a masculine package!

Mr. G has simple beauty radiating from within. "That's what they say about fat girls" came the quick witted quip. "Fat Girls"?!? Naw, I know nothing about fat girls, but husky guys like me when I was growing up- yeah I remember those years all too well.

I don't normally do this, he said as he guided the pen across the paper revealing his name and phone number. I repeated the same mantra back, because it's true.
i don't normally reveal my phone number either.
How wonderfully low tech, in this age of beaming information, to exchange info on paper. And it didn't take long for me to ensure Mr. Gs info was entered accurately into my cellphone.

I still have his original note, I tend to keep things like that.

So Sayeth Das Behr

The Adventure of Dating

2007-03-18T14:14:00.000-07:00

Das Behr recently met two guys.
This entry is about the dude I found online. Mister R. stated that he is 34 years old and lives in the outer Willow Glen area. I hung out with him one afternoon at his place. Apparently he was only interested in multiple hits of Tina in his glass pipe. He had an interest in mixing music. he told me that he has a job working at an animal hospital. But alas, as we in the know are acutely aware that an addiction to Tina consumes your life. His home was in disarray and if I were to extrapolate a little, his flat was a reflection of his life. Despite the fact that we seemed to have hit it off. Mister R. is a very likable guy. He would've been worth my time in getting to know him better, but...

I can't compete, or more to the point, I refuse to compete with meth.

So Sayeth Das Behr

Yea! I got my EDD!

2007-03-08T23:35:00.000-08:00

Not that Das Behr was getting worried about it... well a little. Now I can afford to put gas into the GR1FT3R and pay my next loan installment and finally get the patch cord for my cellphone. I have nearly 2gigs of images that I'll be transferring off the phone. Even tho' the final placement will be on the PSP, I'll have my photographic art located a bit more securely than on a cellphone.

So Sayeth Das Behr

CH-CH-CH-CHANGES

2007-02-25T11:54:00.000-08:00

Das Behr survived another birthday-- yea! Forty-five physical years on this plane of existence. Recently a friend noticed that Das Behr had shaved off his beard and commented wow- you look sooo much younger! Easily 32 or so!

Hmmm, maybe some stubble will be the look for Spring...

Oh, and a new distraction:

New Bear, Cub, and Chaser Chat Site

Das Behr will see where this goes... hehehe

Das Behr has been seeing this phrase with more and more frequency...

LTR/Open

Das Behr is cool with open relationships... whatever a couple agrees upon is THEIR AGREEMENT. Yet if presented with an option to relieve an itch and that itch is within an LTR/Open, how does one go about and get the balls rolling?

Mr M. is a tall, hunky bear with a firm arse which makes Das Behr's mouth water and tongue to twitch. Just thinking about lapping betwixt those man globes...

stop, stop, stop... time for another cold shower!

Das Behr was accused recently, of being too aggressive. Moi? too aggressive? When my accuser was asked to explain his rationale- DasBehr only got a "that's not my way" for an explanation.

WHAT??!!??

Okay, whatevah

Male-to-male contact is what this ol' bear CRAVES. Body contact. Legs intertwined full contact...

Uh-oh...

Cold Shower Time!

So Sayeth Das Behr

Here I go again...

2007-02-08T09:50:00.000-08:00

Recently, like yesterday, I got a phone call in the oh-dark-thirty time of the morning. It was Manny calling the house phone. "Pick-up, pick-up the phone! Okay, so you must still be comatose- listen up, Nelson is trying to get a hold of you- you didn't pay your cell bill, did you? Call Nelson, they'd been trying to get a hold of you and they called me, like, four minutes ago."

Groggedly, Das Behr picked up the receiver of the cordless phone. "Wait are you still there?"
"Yeah, you didn't pay your cell bill did you?"
"Ah, no- not yet, I didn't have enough cash, so I just chocked that up as one of the penalties of not turning in my timecard on-time."
"Yeah, well NEXT time would you let me know? I'll pay for it and then you can pay me back. But hey- call your temp agency- some woman called me around 7:30 looking for you..."
"Nelson? Why couldn't they wait til I got into work?"
"I don't know, she said she was calling from the road and if she can't speak to you directly- then she'll hafta get you at work."
"Oh, okay- thanks Manny I'll call her, now."
"How much do you owe for your Cell?"
"The usual- 60 bucks."
"Okay, your phone should be back on in about an hour."
"Oh okay-thanks!"
****
"Hi, this is Amy..."

I won't bother you with the text version of my conversation. Suffice to say, I was informed that the "client" has terminated my contract. Talk about being blind-sighted and BROAD sided at the same time! Yeah, this was just how I wanted to start my day. I spoke to Jenifer sometime around ten-hundred hours and she stated that if I have any personal stuff at the tower, that I'll need to ask for her when I arrived at the security desk.

It's all about numbers with those guys. Despite the fact that I was informed in writing that my manager will "partner" with me to get my numbers up to where they need to be. During my last coaching and feedback with Ms W, she herself said that she wasn't too concerned with my numbers because "we know you can do this, based on all the 100's you got in the end of January..." Jenifer said that they [the client] had to do a head count reduction and therefore they terminated the contract. But hey, Sony wasn't your employer- Nelson is, and we'll help locate another position, closer to San Jose. Um, okay, but I'm NOT holding my breath.

Besides, SCEA, looks mighty impressive sitting there on top of my resume.

No Apologies, No Regrets...

Well, okay one regret...
I didn't get the opportunity to bond with family on the floor. Well one guy that had Das Behr's gaydar pegged into the MARY category said that he was not gay when Das Behr got permission to ask a personal question- I was SHOCKED- no, no, I'm talking my mouth dropped open in complete disbelief when Robert stated that he was straight. Yeah, okay, excuse me but can you expand the size of that closet? It's obviously not big enough!

For those people that I felt a link with, I sent an email from Das Behr's "business address" and entitled the email "Ciao and Good Luck". I must say it felt good to get responses from the "non-floor" members of the vid-game giant.

As for now, here I go again... I hate looking for work- now there's more urgency- Das Behr has payments on The Gr1f to make and believe you me, I'll start charging for sex if I hafta.

So Sayeth Das Behr

Get the fuck outta my way

2007-01-21T10:13:00.000-08:00

Yes indeed... It's new, it's now, and it's real.

Das Behr is growing oh, so tired of the bullshit bein' cast around down here in San Blah-zay...

One man's stalker is another man's confused friend.
Boy, some guys feel as though they enjoy the idea of having or have had a stalker.
What the fuck ever happened to a "secret admirer"? Y'know the harmless people for whatever reason become infatuated with another person. All I'll comment on this topic is this...

If you don't like someone hangin' out wit cha-

HAVE THE FUCKING BALLS TO TELL THE PERSON TO KNOCK IT OFF-!!!
There are many folks that do not respond to subtlety. Many and Das Behr is one of the many, may think of this definition by WordNet- Princeton University:

the quality of being difficult to detect or analyze; "you had to admire the subtlety of the distinctions he drew"...

Yeah, there it is- that's the thing that really defines that man I was infactuated with- he has the quality of being difficult to detect or analyze. Intrigue and mixed signals be gone!

I was out of my mind. There it's out there. Posted in cyberspace for public record.
This may be taken in defense of my actions or more likely the cause-

You try working at a physically demanding full-time job that you hate and must live in your vehicle because you don't earn enough to put a real roof over your head and let's see if you recover from that experience un-scathed.

Yeah, maybe under those conditions, a true friend would've had the ability to see through the infactuation and have the courage to be bold and tell me- bluntly:

"Y'know, Robb- I'm not into you. No seriously- dude. You're not my type- you're more of a brother to me and I want it to stay like that. I'm sorry that you hate your life right now, but I'm not your salvation. Things will get better, just wait and see."

Something like that would've been cool. But no, it's so much easier to make sound-bytes to the ones that enjoy re-hashing dirt to keep it at the top of the chain. It lends bragging rights- what a poor wretch he was. Yeah, that's right buddy-boy, "was" as in past tense.

New Year: New Attitude: Get The Fuck Out Of My Way.

If you're driving the mini-van of your life, all white knuckled and cautious in the fast lane of life, where you clearly do not belong- have the forethought to move aside and let me pass.

If you got a big-assed chip on your shoulder and a problem with the agents of law enforcement which in-turn aggravates your inability to break out of your self-induced delinquency, a label that you've grown so comfortable with... blah, blah, blah.

Lemme make it simple- STAY OUT OF MY WAY.

I've got NO TIME FOR BULLSHIT. Don't like it? Too fucking bad. Get The Fuck outta my way or you'll be kicked to the curb or I'll just step over you- it'll depend on my mood.

Basically: - 2k7 is my year and I've got no tolerance for "little" men living in the past and clinging to old notions that stagnate and rot.

Ah, that felt good.

So Sayeth Das Behr

New Year:New Attitude

2007-01-02T09:04:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!

Man, Das Behr just couldn't wait much longer for the arrival of 2k7. And now it's here!

Goals for 2k7...

Get on the Patch, it's my time to quit the bad smoke...
Join a gym, it's time to shed some bulge...
Extend the olive branch to my estranged siblings...
New Year= New Attitude...
No more tolerance for bullshit- I's don't got da time for it.
The time now is to be as real as I possibly can
Off with the gloves, cause...

I'll be 45 in a scant 52 days! I wanna be in control for my mid-life crises.

Now to get an audience with Ms. Avis

So Sayeth Das Behr

It's Windy Out There--- HOLD -ON!!!!!

2006-12-27T08:49:00.000-08:00

Oh man is it evah-so windy around the south bay today...
New schedule is now in effect. Das behr is not an early morning kinda bear. Nope. Not for work, well SEX is alot of work, but it's not the type of work I'd be paid for... well not anymore snicker, snicker, snicker...

Late morning to early evening tech support work is just right for me.

Happy Christmas

So Sayeth Das Behr

Wi-Fi Security Config

2006-12-03T13:36:00.000-08:00

Why are some things so damn difficult?

Case in point is the configuration of security on a wi-fi network. Now I'm not trying to config any old security, mind you. I've been wracking my brain to enable 128-bit encryption with MAC filtering via a linksys w-router.

I can assure you, this is FAR from a cakewalk.

I first noticed that the WLAN I was accustomed to using, was unsecured. Okay pondered Das Behr, I'll enable an iron clad industrial strength 128-bit encryption key nicely contained in a WPA-PSK/PTIK secured wireless network. I spent most of the night doing this project and the only thing I was able to do was lock down the network so tightly I couldn't even access it. Re-entering and re-entering and re-entering the same 28 character hexidecimal encryption key over and over and over again has been driving me nuts.

Finally I thought- fuck it. Gimme an ethernet cord and I'll do a hard wired link into the router and I'll just undo everything. Upon yet another network scan, Das Behr PSP detected the WLAN now fully open to all whom know how to access such things. Das Behr PSP got online in a heartbeat. The laptop with the wireless NIC however, did not.

A phone call to the ISP was basically useless. The only thing they instructed was that I do a power cycle of both the cable modem and the router. Done and still no connectivity. Yet the laptop shows that it is connected via wi-fi but the wonderful IE v6 browser can't connect. The ISP said the problem was in the router and suggested to call Linksys. With foreign dialects on the bastardization of American English not being my strongest attribute, I have been in the email-chat queue for nearly 38 minutes now and I'm still holding!

Arrrggghhhh!

This is so fucking irritating!

Try and do something good and it just blows back on me and not in a good way!
Why can't things just auto-config themselves?

Well at least I'm not trying to change the time on my VCR!

So Sayeth Das Behr

Thanksgiving: Another Day The Bank Is Closed

2006-11-23T06:35:00.000-08:00

The one "true" American Holiday to sit around with people you really can't stand and gorge yourself. Well, okay, I'll be fair, not everyone is hanging out with the family. Some are hanging out with friends.

As for Das Behr... it's like Christmas-

Just another day the banks are closed.

On a lighter note

I'm thankful for the friends I have.
I'm thankful for the doctors' who have saved my life (more than once)
I'm thankful for working at a really cool company

There no muss, no fuss and no cranberry stains to ruin a nice shirt.

I'll be washing my car and war-chalking with the PSP, maybe even go an catch a movie. No really, it's true.

You see, Das Behr was raised as a N'Englandah. My home state isn't a "state"- it's a Commonwealth. I'd been to Plymouth in my youth. Seen the rock and the boat and the plimoth plantation. This was all back before "Cranberry World", and not being there bothers me. No not in a way that I miss my family, please-save it. I've been estranged from most of my family for decades. For Das Behr thanksgiving is about N'England.

Though, it may be different in the future. When I'm in the position of hosting a dinner party with chosen family members in attendance. Ah to daydream...

Yet for now in the cold reaches of reality-

Today's just another day the banks are closed.

So Sayeth Das Behr

Version 3.1, Baby!

2006-11-22T04:36:00.000-08:00

Yup, a new PSP version. Basic functionality vastly improved. Although, this text GUI is slightly better, I can deal.

Now, where can I get an EyeToy?

Gimme a "QWERTY" keyboard

2006-11-21T05:14:00.000-08:00

Okay?

Plain and simple the GUI (Graphic User Interface, pronounced as "Goo-eey") on both the PSP and PS3 sucks. The GUIs designers must've thought that the best carry-over for those that text via cellphones- would be to use the same interface. But c'mon now kids, it's a bad idea! At least the Mylo got right- a qwerty keyboard that slides out from under (behind, perhaps?) the PSP looking off-shoot. It's frustrating to use a cellphone-like interface, especially frustrating is the fact that unlike the cellphone GUI which has the cursor automatically moving one space to the right, the PSP/PS3 GUI doesn't do that simple functionality. This in turn makes for a labor intensive text entry. One thing looms as a saving grace though... the PS3 "accepts" the usage of a USB qwerty keyboard. Too bad the PSP doesn't have that saving grace.

So Sayeth Das Behr

Tappin' the Rogues

2006-11-11T09:17:00.000-08:00

Das Behr got bounced into another cube last week. Admittedly the sweet suite of a double wide cube was a bit too big for this Bear. Now Das Behr is located in a more intimate space, just big enough for moi. And I can still see the aircraft on their final approach.

It's surprising to Das Behr, that with all of the high-tech offerings from the SilliValley, there are still those folks whom unwittingly have their wireless fidelity enhanced networks open for the world to see. Albeit open if some one is looking, that is.

The driving force behind my most recent acquisition was to help me help others. Then there are the many footnotes. There's war-chalking the rogue WLANs. Hell, if there are open networks to tap into, then Das Behr will go a-tappin'. It's a really cool device. One whom knows the capabilities of a PSP, also knows that it is not merely a "game system". It is also not a toy. The PSP is a portable entertainment device. Is it a computer? No. It's not. The device doesn't "do" computing. There aren't any word processing applications on board this wonder. You want computing? Get a notebook. You want a portable web-surfing device that when properly outfitted*, will carry your photo album, MP3 collection, your collection of video clips and movie trailers AND your very own golf game against Tiger Woods...

You want a PSP.

Das Behr was displaying a image slide show of recent downloads. Many beautiful semi-clothed and nude men. Upon gazing at the slide show, Greg states with a grin,

"Oh, it really IS a playstation."

Yup, it sure is!

*(Das Behr PSP is equipped with a 1GB SanDisk memory stick)

WarChalking via PSP

2006-11-03T05:29:00.001-08:00

No, I'm completely serious. I've used the PSP, basic functionality stuff, y'know? So, then I got to thinking, why not buy one. So I went into GameStop on Stevens Creek to seek a purchase on a used PSP. I spot and breeze past a cute, early 20-something, sales boi attempting to explain the "high cost" of a PS3- to a trailer trashy looking female with bad skin.

Avoiding that train wreck, I go over to the counter and ask a way too perky female sales rep if there were any used PSPs on-hand and the cost...

Seven minutes later, I'm walking out of the store with a basic pack. Expenditure- $175.00 tax included. Next purchase will be a SanDisk memory card and a used UMD game... SOCOM looks interesting...

The Cell (T Minus 17 Days and Counting...)

2006-10-31T18:39:00.001-08:00

Ok, So I'm gushing. Think what you will about the PlayStations, but one thing is for certain... The PS3 will Blow The Doors Off The Competition!

Holy E-jack!, Batman...

2006-10-28T12:09:00.000-07:00

Eek! I've been e-jacked!

Yahoo abuse failed me for the LAST TIME.

hasta la vista Yahoo!

I've decided to close ALL of my Yahoo accounts and go with the number 2 most popular email service. It's a real shame because I've had an email account with Yahoo ever since their Day One. Anyone remember back that far? You know the Pre-Portal days?

What pushed me over the edge? Some Dweeb e-jacked one of MY Yahoo accounts and I didn't know about it until I began receiving mail daemon bounce backs from mail servers that I never had sent emails to. And apparently those emails that were being "sent" from my email account had viral attachments!

Uh, no, Das Behr don't play like that. The folks over at Yahoo in Sunnyvale, apparently are so overwhelmed with other chores that my emailed pleas for help have gone un-answered- yes I did get three auto-bot messages, but I don't consider that as "help". C'mon, Yahoo Abuse received three forwarded daemon bounceback emails from moi. Each email included the headers- the email travel path and all I got from them was a canned auto-response. Naw, sorry, not good enough, anymore.

Everyone I know will get updated accordingly...

But for now, I've got some emails to send...

Oh and a Last Word regarding this e-jack thing--

FUCK YAHOO

So Sayeth Das Behr

Absentee

2006-10-25T04:59:00.000-07:00

Das Behr has cast his secret ballot absentee vote. In the true spirit of a secret ballot, Das Behr has the right not to reveal whom or what he has voted for...

However, at this time Das Behr has decided to waive some of that right. Pretty much like a line item veto, Das Behr shall reveal his voting preferences... First of all he'll start with the propositions- (Reader please note: items for 'yea' are listed, items for 'no' are not.)

Transportation: Props: 1A, 1B, 1C, 1D, 1E

Why: If you have ever driven on the streets, roads, and freeways of this, the great State of California, you already know that the system of asphalt and concrete thorough fares are in great disrepair. It wasn't always like this. Back nearly twenty years when Das Behr first travelled in the Bay Area, the freeways were as smooth as glass. Potholes and cracks and other suspension-racking pratfalls belonged (and were found) in the snow country a.k.a. Boston. A return to the good ol' days when Californians actually cared about California. These props also address Mass Transit- Yeah, given the "car culture" of California, for every cell-yacking driver on the freeway, there are nearly five Californians that rely on Mass Transit to get them from point 'A' to point 'B'. Where is that money going to come from? From the gasoline tax? PULEEEZE! The gasoline tax is supposed to help fix the roadways. Naw, Mass Transit needs public funding through Bond Measures. And we need these monies right now.

Prop 87: Clean Energy.
Why: To Das Behr, this was a no-brainer. Consider the fact that the country of Brasil spent the last twenty years creating and implementing their ethanol fuel program- to become self-efficient and completely off the Arab oil teat. California must lead the way for the rest of the country. Besides, Chevron Corporation is the major push behind the No on 87 camp. Gee, why would that be? Oh, maybe because alternative fuels just may cut into their RECORD PROFITS. Yeah, it's a no-brainer.

Prop 88: Clean Money.
Why: How can a land that has a constitution which defines the government as a body by the people, for the people when most of the people can not afford to run for office? Public money, that's how- public money.

Incumbents be gone! Nearly a complete shake-up in that regard. Time for a change! One write-in candidate, though- for the office of State Senator.
Das Behr has noticed that Diane Feinstein only pops up in the news when her re-election comes near. G'bye DiFi, you did NOTHING to stop the MADMAN in OUR white house. 'Nuf said. DiFi your term is up! Time for some fresh air. DasBehr wrote in the name of Christopher Dahl for U.S. Senate.

Voting along party lines.

For all other offices, Das Behr voted his conscience and went by his party's line:
Libertarian. All except for one office though...

Governor:

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger

Why? Why not. No, seriously. I think Ah-nold is doing the best job for the benefit of ALL Californians. Das Behr refuses to simply vote for the "lesser of two evils". Despite the fact that Ah-nold is the lesser of two evils to begin with. Phil Angelides just didn't sit well with Das Behr. Therefore he didn't get the vote.

So Sayeth Das Behr

Righting the Wrongs

2006-10-22T10:32:00.000-07:00

It's Sunday morning and Turner Network Television (TNT) is replaying one of
Das Behr's all time favorite movies- "The American President". A relatively accurate fictionalised account of an American president during a re-election campaign. Said single president is also courting a beautiful lobbyist. It's funny, touching, note-worthy- it's about as american as we ONCE were. Annette Benning,
Michael Douglas, Michael J. Fox and Martin Sheen head up a fantastic cast.

Personal factor: Das Behr had been to The District of Columbia. On a planned one week visit to see and hang-out with The Ottah. Some of Das Behr's best vacations were the ones where he could trip around the visited city and just see things from a perspective pretty unique to Das Behr. For example, after spending a good portion of his first night in "the District" at a bath-house, he walked out into the pre-dawn city and not having a clue as to where he was at in relation to where he needed to get to. I knew the destination was Georgetown- getting there via The Metro and using Metro maps was dicey at best.

The adventure was afoot! Capitol Mall was a different sight to see when Das Behr viewed it at oh-five-hundred in the morning, where the sun was nothing but a spit dot on the eastern horizon. It was distressing to Das Behr to see trash strewn across America's Back Yard. Perhaps a poignant reflection on the current administration...

Even Washington City is pretty decrepit. Washington City doesn't receive federal funding. Washington City is the place in which The District of Columbia is located."D.C." is not a state, nor a commonwealth. The District has no voting power at the federal level. It has the ability to observe and advise but no binding voting status. Very much like the U.S. territory known as Puerto Rico.
However, unlike the pleasant Caribbean island, D.C. is taxed heavily. Das Behr regarded the tax rate in his own Northern California as a bit extreme at 8.5%. That is cheap by District standards. Where Washington City's tax rate is a whopping 10 percent! It's a crime. What's been happening within the District of Colombia is basically-

Taxation Without Representation.

Gee, doesn't that ring familiar? Wasn't that the same cry that ultimately lead to the American Revolution against Mother England a scant two-hundred-thirty odd years ago? Thought so. Washington City is seeking via internal vote to change the law and provide "statehood like" rights to the District. Should D.C. win, then they'll be eligible for badly needed federal funding for everything from highways to housing and everything in between.

So Sayeth Das Behr

Prince Charming arrival scheduled for 2k7

2006-10-21T16:53:00.000-07:00

At times I wonder just WHEN my prince charming will arrive. I've got friends whom can't bear (no pun intended) to be alone and therefore they're always in a relationship. Then there are the group of friends that IF they wanted a relationship they'd be in one.

Then there's Das Behr.

Emotionally stable (well there WAS a bout with some instability recorded within these blogs, but I'm over that now). So yeah, I'll stick with the emotionally stable trait. I guess what sets me apart from the other guys I've encountered is my intensity. When I fall in love with a man it's a s-l-o-w p-r-o-c-e-s-s.

And once I'm there, I'm in like glue, white on rice, you get the idea.
To pry myself out of a romantic relationship is even slower than entering into one. Falling out of love for Das Behr is akin to packing up all of the emotions that I felt for the guy and doing a sort of mental deframentation and a re-boot. I once knew a lesbian (a distant relative of baseball star Nick Ruzzo) whom had followed her italian traditions and would send a black rose to a former wife. The intended recipient of the black rose is now regarded as being "dead". Which I think is a real classy way of saying "fuck-off and die".

The most recent California governor (before Ah-nold) was Gray Davis. During the great recall campaign, Davis was being touted as the "best governor-in-waiting California has ever had". I mention this because there are at times when I feel like I am the best husband-in-waiting in the great place of California.

According to numerology, 2k7 will finally be my year for romance. That's when I will be in the right place at the right time emotionally, financially and mentally. Whoo- Hoo!

It's about fucking time!

So Sayeth Das Behr

Good-Bye WFB!

2006-10-21T11:04:00.000-07:00

The finanacial crises that Das Behr has struggled through is now fini. Part of that struggle was squarely tied to my former financial institution. Through an unfortunate series of events, Das Behr's financial status had collapsed in late August of 2k6. By the time the dust had settled Das Behr was saddled with a negative checking account balance of $942.40. Das Behr worked feverishly with the aforementioned former banking institution, to prevent an eventual charge-off of the delinquent account. The charge-off would've affected Das Behr's ability to open any checking account anywhere at any bank within the USA. The banking institution made famous by their stage coach image of yesteryear, had assured me that once my account was brought back to a balance of zero-point-zero, then it would be re-opened with certain restrictions to designed to prevent the liklihood of another financial collapse.

When Das Behr was able to make a sizeable deposit of $500 one week and then another deposit of the remaining balance the next week, I asked the local bank official in FC (Foster City), as to when my account will re-open. The official looked at me and said "Oh, you'd need to open another [read:different] checking account. Das Behr was miffed- I wasn't advised by the stage-coach banking institution that I'd need to re-apply for another account. "Well, yeah." Began the cute asian man in formal business attire. "Because the other account was closed by the bank for severe insufficient funding issues. Now you need to open another account."
"I'm able to open a new account or have I been reported to Chex-Ex?" Das Behr asked still slightly confused.
"If you had been reported on, then you wouldn't have been told that you are welcome to open another account." Stated mister cute asian guy, with a white toothy grin. A grin that Das Behr would've enjoyed stuffing my randy rod into.
"Oh, thank-you, for the information. And have a pleasant afternoon." said Das Behr as he turned away from the teller window.
"But, wait, aren't you going to open an account?" The cute asian implored.
"Yes, I am. But not here. I'm going to WaMu, have a nice day!"

Good-Bye Wells Fargo Bank!

You safe-guarded my monies, but you didn't help me when I really needed your help.

Do you WaMu? I do NOW

So Sayeth Das Behr

The Little Words

2006-10-20T15:46:00.000-07:00

Little words. Little words make all the difference. Especially when trying to clarify a statement. Recently at a bar across the Bay from the Foster City tower, Das Behr was asked this series of questions:

"... Where do you work?"
Innocently and quite deliberately Das Behr stated "I work at SCEA".
"Huh?" Came the clueless reply.
"I say again, I work at SCEA, you know- as in Sony Computer Entertainment America."
"What do they do?" The gorgeous yet dweebish guy asked.

Although, I really don't what to insult the man for what I believe is either a severe case of stupidity or CRS (can't recall sh!t). I can't help but blurt out-

"Have you been living under a rock, or something? S-O-N-Y, they're the company that makes the PlayStations! (tm)".
"Oh, cool, you work for Sony. Can you get me a PS3?"
"Nope. I can't. Besides I don't work for Sony, I work at SCEA."
"Well, then, what exactly do you do at Sony?"
"I do tech support for the PSP and the PS3 when it launches."
"So, what's the difference between working 'for' or 'at' Sony?"
"The difference is color."
"Ah, color, like the new PS2- black or silver?"
"Nope. More like purple or yellow, as in badges. A purple badge means one works for SCEA. A yellow badge means one works at SCEA. Although I do aspire to earn a purple badge within six months."
"That's it? It all boils down to badge color?"
"Pretty much, yeah."
"So, you got a yellow badge and you work for Sony."
"Grrr, yeah, something, like that."
"Can you get me a PS3"?
"Y'know, contact your local retailer and ask to be placed on the waiting list."

So Sayeth Das Behr

An Expensive Chew Toy

2006-10-19T15:56:00.000-07:00

Okay, Das Behr, grew up with dogs. During the
"formative" years, there has always been a canine or two or three in the household. Never, and I mean N-E-V-E-R has any dog of mine or anyone else that I know for that matter has had their mutt/pooch/canine chew on an electronic product. Therefore I'm understandably a little sceptical about the image to the right. Albeit it does appear to have been mangled-up, but for Fido to do this kind of damage, nah, I don't think so.

I would, however, think that little (insert little kids' name here) would take a tool and attempt to pry the PSP open. But to place the blame on Fido- it's just not right.

And before any of you ask, YES! This PSP has been subject to neglect and abuse and the warranty is definitely voided.

So Sayeth Das Behr

Bright Lights, Big City

2006-10-18T15:47:00.000-07:00

Well perhaps not "big city", although San Blah-zay is now a bright city especially downtown. Das Behr was trundling around last Saturday night. Okay, so I went and saw the new Robin Williams film "MAN OF THE YEAR" (great flick). After the movie it was time to head up to Mac's for a beer and chatter. Trundling north along South First Street wasn't quite the adventure that it once was. I couldn't quite place what was so different about my surroundings, then it dawned on me...

IT WAS SO FREAKING B-R-I-G-H-T.

Wouldn't you know, the San Blah-zay public works folks went and installed new street fixtures and lamps. And we're not talking those sodium vapor puppies either, nope, plain white wattage blazed across the entire sidewalk! Well okay, downtown sidewalks were a bit dark at night, but now it's gone 180 degrees into the opposite direction.

Now if only they can apply the same logic to getting The Alameda re-surfaced. The speed limit is posted at 35mph, but I tell ya, the GR1FF3N likes his suspension and alignment just the way it is- perfect. Until San Blah-zay gets the ruts and pot holes fixed on The Alameda, this behr ain't gonna be going anywhere near the 35 mph limit.

HEY SAN BLAH-ZAY, FIX THE BUMPY ROAD KNOWN AS THE ALAMEDA, WILL YA?
Do something constructive with all that money from the Grand Prix.

So Sayeth Das Behr

Another Anniversary

2006-10-17T22:14:00.000-07:00

Dateline: SF Bay Area. 17:04 hours Pacific Time. Tuesday, 17 October 1989.
Major temblor measuring 7.1 on the Richter Scale rattled through the Greater Bay Area.

I was on vacation that week. I didn't go anywhere special. I just hung out around my flat that I shared with three hets. The World Series was being touted as the long awaited "Battle of The Bay". SF Giants v. Oakland Athletics. I was bored. So I was out visiting some neighbors in the flat above the rear carport.

Chris and, his wife Donna, always had the best KGB. (Which is tame when compared to the medicine of today). Chris had the bud, Das Behr had the bowl, it was a pleasant visit. Until 17:04 in the afternoon when the apartment above the carport began to move.
There we were, all four of us, looking at each other and thinking aloud "This shaking can stop any time now". Well, when the 'p-wave' subsided, the more destructive 's-wave' began- violently.

"It's... not... stop... ping!" I shouted.
"It's been more than ten seconds!" noted Dave.
"Everyone, get into a doorway!" yelled Chris

Following basic earthquake safety procedures, four people braced themselves in four interior doorways. Violently nasty shaking in excess of 28 seconds. Finally, it ended. Das Behr had bruised arms from being thrown back and forth in the wood framed door way. When reality struck, I panicked. I flew downstairs to my flat to survey damage if any.

After shock #1: A 5 pointer.

If anyone thinks that the earth is solid beneath their feet, they've never been in an earthquake. During the first after shock, I had eye-witness account that although the earth may appear solid, it also ripples. I watched in disbelief, as my livingroom floor moved in a wave-like ripple. The exterior walls didn't skip a beat, for the walls merely followed suit and rode the earth wave. Checking upon the contents of the apartment proved that nothing was broken.

Yet there was a one foot wave running foot to head on my full flotation waterbed. It took Das Behr nearly ten minutes to calm the wave by laying prone and rode the water mattress like I was on a surf board on the ocean.

Never lost cable

News Copter 7 was sending live, unedited images to their news roomand out to the public. Stunned at the scope of what I saw, I sat on the couch with my mouth agape. I never saw a freeway in such a crumbled state as was the Cypress Structure in Oakland. I then felt sickened as I realised that cars and trucks were now crushed with their occupants beneath tons of concrete and re-bar.

It took me three days to reach my folks back east. I gave them phone numbers of my roommies' relatives and asked my dad to do a relay call to them to advise that their loved ones are indeed still amongst the living and will call when services were fully restored.

Seventeen years ago to the day- The Loma Prieta Temblor. It was my "Big One".
And it still remains as the most recognisable seismic event here, in the Bay Area.
Surprisingly the fatalities numbered below 100. Most of those killed were in their vehicles when the freeway collapsed.

Today, we have stronger building codes and seismic retro-fitted freeways.
There's a new program in place encouraging people to save water for emergency kits. Because many local governments on the peninsula have realised that in another seismic event, we need to care for ourselves for as much as 72 hours. Do you have your emergency kit? No? Do it today!

So Sayeth Das Behr

So Sayeth Das Behr

Cha-Cha-Changes

2006-10-14T11:22:00.000-07:00

With Autumn 2k6 came a new employment opportunity, an updated fashion style, a new "do", a refreshed attitude and a new blog layout!

Yah, I know yippee fucking skippy.

So Sayeth Das Behr

Ironic Humor

2006-10-12T15:51:00.000-07:00

Upon being informed of my good news, Greg stated "oh, good, an inside job." Yup, an inside job, indeed! I no longer need worry about getting soaked through to the skin and work in wet clothing, this winter. Yipee!

Yesterday, I was assigned another cubicle. My supervisor Ms. W., wanted everyone on her team to be on the same floor. Well, that's logical. So I got moved. The entire contents of my cubicle, including Das Behr went from the 20th floor of the tower to the 21st floor of the tower. My cubicle is located immediately adjacent to Ms.W.'s office-cube. Some other teammates mentioned their mis-givings about being so close to the boss, but I just shrugged it off. Because of two things mainly: Number One- The supes here at SCEA like many real companies are there to HELP their charges- which is so unlike Swishport it's scary. And Number Two- Ms. W doesn't come in until late morning so she is only there from the time I get back from lunch til the time I leave. No worries.

A Cube With A View

Top floor of the tower, baby! My cube abuts the wall of in-operable windows. My view is that of the Bay, The San Mateo-Hayward Bridge, the EastBay (once the fog clears) and perhaps most ironic... All the aircraft on their final approach into SFO. Which includes KE, FL, KL, AF and VS.

I was chatting briefly with a teammate today whilst on break. Das Behr was asked how I happened to wind-up in Campbell if I had worked at SFO. I explained that during my last six months at SFO, I was homeless and living in my car while toiling full-time at the airport...
A woman from SCEA finance bummed a light from me and interjected "Now look where you are."

Yes, indeed, I know full well where I am now. And I'm enjoying-

EVERY SINGLE MOMENT OF IT!!!

So Sayeth Das Behr

PSP~Hells Yeah

2006-10-10T12:57:00.000-07:00


pretty self-explanatory

Don't Be A Stinker, Use Your Damn Blinker

2006-10-10T12:03:00.000-07:00

Every single motorized vehicle on the roads and freeways in this, the great State of California, are equipped with this device. A simple, safety device that is operated manually and is within easy reach of every driver. Yet, given it's effortless operability many motorists, here in Northern California, seldom if ever, use it.

Signals. Blinkers. Directionals.

Which ever descriptor is used, it still works the same way. The little used safety device is a glorified plastic stick jutting out from the left side of the steering column. Move it up and like magic the right turn signal begins to flash. Move the plastic downward and, look- gee-whiz, the left turn signal begins to flash.

How is a turn signal deemed to be a safety device? I think it's quite obvious.
Usage of the turn signals when changing lanes help prevent many mis-understandings, fender benders and may even prevent frustrated drivers from becoming enraged and determined to run you off the road. Or perhaps even KILL YOU.

Yes, I've been cut-off on the freeway. You've been cut-off on the freeway. Chances are that most people, even those clueless souls that perpetuate turn signal non usage, get cut-off. I don't understand it. Ease of use. Within easy reach- It really is a no-brainer.

Now, where did I put that laser guided particle beam?

I want to mount it on the GR1FF3N and permanently eliminate those clueless souls.

The Results Are In....

2006-10-06T13:54:00.000-07:00

A few items to consider...
My learning curve at SCEA was nearly vertical. For instance, I don't own nor have I ever owned a PlayStation console. Sure, I enjoy playing video games- in an arcade environment. Home-based systems, though, not much interest. Friends of mine have owned PS2 systems. I being the bear that I am, just couldn't manipulate the awkward controllers with any finesse whatsoever.

The call-tracking software (CRM app) is a very robust application made by that German company, Siebel. The app is named LUCID which is an acronym, that I rather not get into right now. Suffice to say it is very robust. Asset information, service record information, addresses phone numbers, the works. Yeah, it's a database. Gee, I wonder why Uncle Larry hasn't attempted to scoop up Siebel, because LUCID kicks major ass! (DUH! Me bad.)

So there you have it the major players in this learning curve of mine. No real experience with the Sony PSP (PlayStation Portable) and no working knowledge of LUCID. I place that learning curve at 89 degrees. Why 89? Well, I haven't been living under a rock, so at least I already knew what the hell a PSP was and that was about it.

The other aspects of performing custo-, er, CONSUMER support are the soft skills. Of which I have in great supply. Past experiences within call center atmospheres include two alarm company central stations and one web-based application company. The latter was at that time a start-up and the former were ADT Security Systems (back when it was a reputable security company) and RFI Communications and Security.

The training at SCEA was three weeks in length. The learning about LUCID and the PSP were computer-based and self guided. The Training Facilitator(s) made one thing crystal clear- Don't attempt to learn everything that there is to know, instead learn where to go on the corporate intranet to find the information you need. I had a professor in college that had said nearly the same thing- Don't try to know it all, just know where to find it.

At first, I was trippin' hard. Information overload. I was thinking PSP. I was dreaming PSP. I had "consumers" talking to me in my dreams. As anyone whom works in a technical call center will tell you, the smart people do not call you. The folks whom read their respective owners/users manuals- do not call you. The only people whom call tech support are the clueless and the ones that ought not be attempting to operate anything, let alone attempt to set the time on their VCRs.

The "semi-final" was a database navigation, coding test. A passing score was 90, my score was 83. Most of my class required a re-test. My score on the re-test was a huge improvement- 100.

The three call final was THE big one. "Nobody fails this course" so stated the facilitator, named Wes. (Oh and a few choice words about him: Cute, mid-20's, korean/european mixed straight married daddy) Anyways , he dropped a not-so-tactful bomb on the class, you fail- you're gone. No worries here, in the adult world THAT is a given. Yet , I was amongst the few whom were beyond their 30s- Kids today, I tell you...

The three call final had a pair of grading categories- Call Quality and Database Knowledge. It was here that I was trippin' a bit. I knew I had the call quality down pat. But, I still had a little bit of difficulty with app navigation. I was shocked to learn that the two for me would get perplexingly reversed. The required score to pass the Call Quality segment was 80 or better. The Database segment was tighter at a minimum score level of 90.

The Results Are In...

Call Quality: 85
Database: 100

I start my shift bright and squirrely at 0700 and leave at 15:30. This is the first technical call center gig where I work Monday through Friday. Yes, that means weekends off like normal workers! As my friend Tony T had observed, I am no longer working in the Klingon Empire for I have now rejoined the Federation!

hells yeah!

So Sayeth Das Behr

Aggressive Driving v Defensive Driving

2006-09-28T12:39:00.000-07:00

Is there a real difference between the two? In the past my response would have been a knee-jerk and emphatic YES!

Yet, now I'm not too sure. For me, I think I've blurred the line a wee bit.

First and foremost:

I am a SAFE and SANE driver. I don't tailgate, cut-off other drivers, hell, I even signal before I turn. I even to signal to show my intent that I'm changing lanes. I am not "asking" for permission to merge into another lane. I am constantly verifying my surroundings and marginal distances within my two dimensional space on any given road or freeway.

I drive fast. I always have. Whereas Sammy Haggar once screamed in song- "I can't drive 55", I can't merely hang at 65. The GR1FF3N can handle a comfortable cruise of 70. Sometimes when I'm not paying close attention to my velocity, GR1FF3N may fly along as fast as an occasional 80mph, but like I said that's only occasional.

I sing in the car. I yell in the car. I yell at my fellow drivers from my car.
I can't honk the GR1FF3Ns horn because it doesn't honk anymore so I flash my highs. I'm aggressive when I need to be to get around the folks with the cellphones plastered to the side of their heads. They're the ones that just can't drive the speed limit AND gab on the phone at the same time. They're the ones that are the main cause for the "slow-downs" on the freeways. Sometimes they're driving so damn s-l-o-w. That I want to get out of my car and bitch-slap them.

Road Rage Is justifiable

Some kid (defined as a person half my age and younger) cut me off on HWY 101 the other day. It would seem to him that there wasn't anything physically behind the back of his head when he decided that he had to travel from the far left lane adjacent the center divide (aka lane number One) across my path in the number 2 lane and then proceed to the exit lane. Yeah, I've seen this practiced before only not with such wanton disregard for everyone around him. Apparently the kid didn't realize that there was indeed the whole rest of his old-school vintage 60s era Mustang all located immediately behind his head. I like the fact that GR1FF3N is equipped with ABS braking or else there would've been a bit of a tangle between me and that kid, not to mention our intertwined vehicles.

I liken the freeway experience to what George Carlin had surmised a number of years ago during a show. "There ought to be different types of music for each of the traveling lanes on a freeway." The number one lane would have driving music. Beat laden riffs and wild methodic guitars. Music to sink your teeth into as you buzz by the other cars beside you. The musical genres would get real mellow by the time you're in the far right lane. It's called the slow lane for a reason and slow music would be most welcomed there. A real calming effect- "Whew, I survived another roust of the freeway". Time to mellow out for the surface streets and stoplights one is destined to encounter. The slow lane is also a ramp-up to come join the jungle. Find your niche and go with the flow.

But, no.

We all know that ain't gonna happen. There will always be those multi-taskers out there whom think that they're adept at reading maps while driving, applying make-up whilst behind the wheel or displaying erratic driving velocities when gabbing on a cellphone.

All I want is a particle cannon.

I once gave serious thought to the mechanics required to mount a laser guided paint-ball rifle onto the GR1FF3N. Some ass that is driving stupid, ought to have the world know that they're a jerked driver by the simple display of puke green paint ball remnants on they're rear window.

But, now, I'm in road-rage-justification-mode. I say just ELIMINATE them. Get them out of the gene pool, altogether. That'll teach 'em.

L.A. drivers are often maligned with they're perceived driving habits.
"OMG, there was a 15 car pile-up on the 405. They drive crazy down there!" Uh, hold on, wait a sec. It is true that South Cali drivers are all flying on the freeway doing 75, driving mere inches from the car in front of them. But they drive as a UNIT. As if Southlanders have a secret driving choreography- only known amongest themselves. Ottah and I traveled through rush hour in L.A. changed from the Ventura Freeway to the Hollywood Freeway and back onto good ol' HWY 101. Ottah was my navigator- I was the pilot. It was fun! It was amazing! It was actually enjoyable. If someone had to change lanes, on went their signal and they were able to merge into the intended lane. No one missed a beat. It was a smooth as silk transition. So unlike us Nortenos, we could learn a thing or two from the Southlanders- maybe we could do lunch and discuss it.

So Sayeth Das Behr

Married, Scarred or Too Gay

2006-09-23T15:05:00.000-07:00

You've seen them around. You see them EVERYWHERE. To put a queer twist on an old observation: the good men are either married or TOO GAY. Recently, I attended a birthday party for a friend. Great food, great drink, great smoke, great blend of people of both genders. There were a few cute guys that I had met at the party and some that I've known for years. Of the guys that I had met for the first time at that party, a couple of them were indeed couples, albeit incognito. They didn't hang out together, they didn't sleep together (yeah, it was an impromptu all night party- I was there for 26 hours), for intents and purposes the foursome were seemingly unattached. Until conversation had swayed into the area of being single versus being coupled. It was then that it dawned on me that I was, for the most part, amidst men whom were "off-the-market". I generally don't go to parties to pick-up on guys. It's just not my style. Although, I do network amongst my small number of close friends. It would seem that if Mr. Thang is partnered then he'd more than likely has or at least knows of some guys whom are single and emotionally available. That's the key. I've met guys that have been of the walking wet dream variety. Guys that although, they look all manly and possess masculine traits, aren't properly equipped to relate to other men on an emotional level. I have a masculine demeanor. I don't speak with a lilt, I don't walk with swish of the hips, I don't have limpy wrists. I'm not afraid of getting myself dirty- I'm talking filth that usually requires solvents to remove the grime. I like to work on mechanical things, car engines and the like. You know, "guy stuff". And I'm attracted to guys like myself. Guys whom are guys. It's been my experience that there are those guys whom, I'm attracted to, are either partnered/married or emotionally crippled or marred for life. You've encountered them- The guys that have had a couple or a string of rocky relationships that ended badly and unfortunately the guy(s) didn't learn from those experiences and therefore are now marred and scarred for life or a good chunk of it anyway. The adage of twice bitten thrice shy pretty much sums it up. It's a shame and a tragedy. Then there are the "too gay" crowd. The "Heeeeey Grrrl" kinda of guys. The "no-she-did-int" clique. Where all pronouns are feminine despite the fact that the person is genetically male. I call them "Swishy Fags". Some call them "Queenie". Which is not to be confused with the "Uppity Queers" which is a whole other topic for a later blog. I know many guys whom are like that, some are friends, some are close acquaintance's. But, would I knowingly become partnered with a guy like that? Let me just say that I wouldn't actively manhunt for a swishy fag as a potential partner. I realistically can't rule-out anyone, because stranger things have been known to happen. Lastly, to all the emotionally scarred guys out there, try to learn from the mis-steps of the past and take the emotional risk to seek another guy, because we're not all bad, mean and manipulative- Many of us are just drawn this way.

So Sayeth Das Behr

Gigi was just SO pretty

2006-09-18T21:44:00.000-07:00

She just may've found her true calling. Gigi was in full swing the other night. Copper coloured hair and falsies, sparkly eyelashes and ivory white skin. WOW, what a knock-out or perhaps she was knocked out!

It was the first twenty-four hour party of this millenium that I attended. What started out as the Pajama Soiree- by the next dawning of light it was the underwear party and that party continued all throughout the next day. I tell you, I feel like I lost a day somewhere. Has anybody seen the 17th of September? For me, there's a bit of a blur right where that day ought to be...

More on the Soiree is on the way. Just as soon as I piece it back together.

So Sayeth Das Behr

American Red Cross Seeks Blood Donors

2006-09-14T12:51:00.000-07:00

It will never cease to amaze me, the U.S. Red Cross needs blood donors. Well, sometimes it's obvious. If there was an inexpensive way to manufacture plasma from scratch, without natural hemoglobin, I'm pretty sure that there would no longer be shortages of blood. The thing that gets me is the discrimination that the FDA/U.S. Red Cross maintains. The blood supply in the United States is screened for all sorts of blood-borne infections and viruses. Yeah, including HIV. Yet, if you are a man willing and physically able to donate blood and you just happen to be sexually active with other men, regardless of your sero-status, you are banned from donating your blood.

I think that the FDA (the government body that oversees the U.S. Red Cross) ought to get over themselves as the morality police and get with the freaking program. I know of many, including myself, who'd donate blood in a heartbeat (no pun, intended) if we were not banned from doing so. Some of my friends have stated to me that I ought to lie about my homosexuality, so I can donate blood.

My response to those statements was and remains a flat "NO". When I came out, it put an end to the lies I told and it put an end to the constant attempts to hide myself amongst the general population. To renounce, even temporarily, my homosexuality would undo the trials and tribulations that I have endured and enjoyed about myself for the last twenty-three (23) years.

Besides, if the FDA refuses to lift the ban, then the Red Cross must not really be all that desperate for blood products.

So Sayeth Das Behr

Aviation

2006-09-09T22:15:00.000-07:00

Ricardo and I were sitting on a tug parked at gate G93. It was 11h15 in the morning and we were waiting patiently for the arrival of Singapore Airlines, to get her first class cans, bag drop them, go to the 'boneyard' and push-off the cans just to get the dollies. Then it was back to the "A" side. ASAP.
I felt strange. It was like a cold clammy tingling sensation. I felt nauseous and sad, then it dawned on me.

"Ricardo?" I sort of yell to the man sitting to my left. It's always noisy on the ramp, sometimes I think we ought to be taught ASL when sitting in close proximity to one another.
"Ricardo? Don't you think it's weird for us to be sitting here on this side of the airport at this hour, at this gate, on this day?" I inquire of my associate.
"Weird? It what way?" Ricardo replied. Apparently clue-less.
"Dude, it's 11 September. It's the third anniversary of the Day of Tragedy."
"Yeah, so? Why is it so weird?" He asks cluelessly.
"Ricardo, UA93 was enroute from NWR to SFO before it was hijacked. This is the United side of the airport. UA93 was scheduled to arrive at this airport three years ago today, at this time of day. UA93, G93. Get it?"

"Yeah, I get it and you're right- it is weird."

I love aviation. In high school instead of taking Art for an elective, I took an elective class called "Aviation Today". The class was taught by a history teacher by the name of Mister Gay. In that class, I learned about the different components of aircraft. From the wings to the fuselage to the elevators to the ailerons. I learned how lift was created by convexing the top of the wing, thus causing the air to have a lower pressure rushing above the wing's leading edge than beneath. I learned the difference between pitch and yaw and what the hell a yoke was. No, not the kind inside eggs. Fascinating, as Mr. Spock would say- Aviation fascinated me.

I flew everywhere when I was able to travel on my own. I flew from Boston's Logan Airport to Norfolk Virginia for a weekend in 1986. I flew roundtrip to/from Boston and San Jose also in 1986. I and some friends stood on the roof of our apartment complex to watch the Blue Angels perform their airshow at Moffett Field. F-14's flying tree top level in Sunnyvale. After-burners running full. I loved the feeling I felt throughout my body as the jets flew overhead. I had made four roundtrips transversing the country to visit my folks and returned home. Air travel is safer than a pedestrian crossing the street in San Francisco.

I received a call on my cellphone from my friend Rudy. He instructs me to turn on the TV. I ask what channel and he says it doesn't matter because it's on all the channels. "Dude" I say, I'm at the ten-ten, can't this wait? Rudy said no, it couldn't wait. So I grabbed a towel and walked from my room to the media room, sat down and watched the horror unfold in front of my eyes. The WTC south tower just collapsed.

Yet, for me, the terrorists succeeded. The horrific tragedies of that day really, fucked. Me. Up. It was eerie when none of the planes were flying that week. The only planes allowed to fly were the military aircraft on patrol around the Bay Area.
When the planes returned to flight, the skies didn't seem so friendly after all. Worse still- I had now developed a fear of flying.

There were two reasons why I decided to work at SFO. One being money- the great motivator that it is. The other was to help me get over my new fear. For the first three weeks I was petrified to go out on the ramp. Although, I had passed all of the background checks (FBI, MI5, Interpol). I had earned the 24/7 clearance required to become an authorized person in the restricted areas of the AOA (Airport Operations Area). Yet for me to be there in the same place as the aircraft? Nope. I wasn't ready for that just yet. My friend Ron understood my plight and didn't push me. I would get the confidence soon enough on my terms. In time, I got myself reacquainted with my love for aviation. I enjoyed being out on the ramp at the far end of the runway (28R) sitting on my tug parked on the side of the road and just watch the 747-400s achieve lift. Within seconds the plane is screaming over my head. I would get this sense of enormous energy permeating the very essence my being manifesting itself with a tingling sensation that made my nipples hard. Another was scrambling atop a tug conforming my upper body against Tubular Belle's smooth cold fuselage. My outstretched arms with fingers splayed trying to cling to the curved surface as I worked the panel switches to open the cargo door and retrieve the first class cans. Knowing full well that I am the first person to touch the body of a magnificent bird that was airborne a scant fifteen minutes prior.

Squirt guns don't squirt people, kids do.

Despite all the onboard computer systems on the flight deck. Airplanes do not fly themselves into buildings, people do. People kill one another for socio-political reasons. People kill each other for sport. And aircraft are merely tools.
Large sophisticated tools. Large sophisticated fragile tools for travel.
A plane arrives at a gate with passengers. Whom de-plane, get their bags and leave. Meanwhile most aircraft are "turn-arounds". Arriving as VS19 and departing four hours later as VS20. All cleaned up and fresh smelling. A new crew and refueled and on they go.

I boarded an airliner once again in June 2005, for my first trans-atlantic flight. SFO to LHR via Virgin Atlantic Airways. By October the same year, I flew domestic on Jet Blue. Oak to IAD, it had been awhile since I spent time with the Ottah.

Thousands died that day...

Hundreds of thousands were affected that day...

And, it's been only five years.

It seems like forever...

It feels like yesterday...

Camping

2006-09-08T07:38:00.000-07:00

Das Behr loves camping. Real camping. As opposed to "gay" camping. The idea of pitching a tent and sleeping in a bag is the appeal. Gay camping is the tent experience but just too many creature comforts for my taste. For some, camping without an air mattress- would scrub the whole thing. When camping, I prefer sleeping on the ground in a sleeping bag within a tent (I'd rather camp with another and zip the two sleeping bags together, but that's another blog post). Roughing it. It's an escape and it's always an adventure. I don't think that I would've felt the last big temblor that struck under Napa, the same way if I was asleep atop a cushy temblor-isolating air mattress. Like many whom went camping with their families when they were growing up, I didn't get that opportunity. So, I guess I'm making up for lost time by adopting this form of recreation. During the last 19.75 years, I've been camping four times and each camp-out was special.

Life @ Fife's
Eighteen dollars and a temporary surrendering of your CID/CDL will get you one canoe, two paddles and as many life vests as needed, when you lease said canoe at Johnson's Beach. Huh? Why rent a canoe at a beach? This beach isn't on the ocean, it's on the Russian River located in Guerneville, California. Johnson's Beach is the place to go on the 3rd of July for the Guerneville Town Independence Day Fireworks Display. And it's the place to go to rent a canoe.

I'd never canoed before that time in July. I thought how difficult would it be? Oh, man! It's a great work out for the upper body. Ottah and I paddled upstream, which is NO easy task! Yet, Ottah didn't seem to mind too much that our trek was traversed in zig-zags. We brought along a cooler full of 'pic-a-nic' goodies and low-slung beach chairs. We found a small island just after the first bend opposite the Korbel vineyards and hung out for a couple of hours. Then it was back onto the river for the just as difficult downstream voyage.

Another camping trip was with the "Renegades North" gang. Three days of alcohol induced mayhem. Das Behr was sportin' a completely shaven dome on that trip. I don't recall all the details. For some reason there was multiple trips to Safeway and "hiking" in the woods, it was a great time hanging with friends. Ottah and I checked out Armstrong Woods.
Man, was it quiet! Peacefully surreal. Highly recommended for ALL tree-huggers. You know who you are!

Oxnard.
A central coast city. Ottah and I camped overnight in Oxnard during our trek down to San Diego one summer. We had arrived at night. Pitched our tent by the light of the Santa Fe's headlamps. It was kinda scary. I could hear the ocean. That was a sound that I knew all to well. But I couldn't place the "whirl ka-chunk, whirl ka-chunk" sound. By daylight, I could then see through the fog- Ocean and oil derricks everywhere. Eew!

My most recent camping trip was one for survival rather than recreation. I found myself without a home after I'd recovered from surgery five years ago. Luckily, I had unemployment checks keeping me afloat with food. I had tried the sleeping under a bridge thing- way too cold, no blanket, just me and a leather jacket. I tried the EHC thing, sleeping on a bed mat on the floor with a moth-holed wool blanket. Way to much foot traffic around me at all times during the 'lights out' period. Whilst some were guarding their footware from thieves, I was guarding my telecommunications device.

I was not about to sleep in the elements. It was going to start raining soon when I decided to camp-out. Tom suggested that I check out a place along the Guadalupe River in Santa Clara. He could see the levee each time he made his pass along Tasman near Cisco. I investigated the site. There was enough trees and void of people. My criteria was a place that had low to no foot traffic, enough trees to camoflage my aqua blue tent and at least one sturdy tree to lock my bike to. I packed out whatever I packed in. In addition to my tent, sleeping bag and blankets- I had my battery operated lamp, hand-powered radio, non-perishable food, water, toiletries and determination that I'd get through this 'adventure' relatively un-scathed.

Only in the Silicon Valley would a homeless bear be actually smarter than the average bear! Here I was in my own tent with my own equipment and keeping updated with the world with a FM radio and an internet enabled cellular phone. I lived like that for three months. I spent alot of time reading, hanging out at various light rail stations where I'd plug-in and recharge my phone. Looking for work when I could. If I really need to do a repeat of 'survival camp', no problem. Been there, done that!

Although, the next time I go camping it'll be for recreational purposes- That's a def. With someone? Perhaps rabbit, perhaps.

So sayeth Das Behr

Not one for subtlety

2006-09-04T10:51:00.000-07:00

I've noticed that there are two types of people when it comes to the conveyance of information. There are those who can take a subtle hint and go with that. And there are those that require a bit of a up-front and in your face type of communication. I'm proud to say that I am a member of the latter. There's no room for error when an item is presented plainly and to the point. Remember- tact is the art of presentation.

I was recently told that I can leave cryptic emails. I guess emails or letters would be considered cryptic when the parties involved are not on the same page. Confrontation. I abhor confrontation. Yet perhaps at the same time I need feedback. So even though I really hate confrontation- it's a necessity. I need to work on my confrontational skills. I must develop the skill sets to obtain the information that I require without letting my emotions get in the way.

As I may've mentioned in a previous post, I do not like being ignored. The other party wasn't about to give-in. That's what ignoring someone is all about. It seemed like a stalement and it was becoming unhealthy for me. My emotions were in such a twist. I'd be boo hooing and slingin' snot at the drop of a hat.

I.
HATE.
THAT.

I felt like I was going to snap and I knew that it wasn't going to be pretty.

I had to act.

I called him and got the machine. I left a message stating that I wasn't going to show up unannounced. I knocked. No response. So I waited thirty (30) minutes outside his door sitting cross-legged and thinking of what I was going to say to him. I knock again. The door opens, I'm asked in and we talk.

Whew! I'm happy that's over. I now know exactly where I stand. He considered it as rude to be so blatant. I, on the otherhand, welcomed it.

Point blank.

No mis-understandings.

And best of all, we are still friends.

So Sayeth Das Behr

For the Love of Music

2006-09-02T18:05:00.000-07:00

A man that I respect once wrote, "I'm not your typical 'g' man, I like to rock out". That statement made me think of all the rock concerts that I've experienced. So, I figured what the hell, I'll list all of the musical artists that I've seen.

I'm amazed, some artists I feel lucky to have seen them because they rarely hit the road here in the States. Some bands I've seen more than once, in those cases I'll define the number of times I've seen them and I will even throw in the venue where I saw them. Where ever possible, the artist/band names will be linked their respective web-sites. Here's the list, in the order that I've seen the concert. If I remember the year I'll list that too...

The Ramones
I saw The Ramones at the Commercial Club in Bridgewater, MA back when I was
eighteen (18). The year was 1980, it was my first summer after graduating from high school. The show was great! I remember that they played outdoors and the weather couldn't have been more perfect.

The B-52's
I've seen the 'B's' twice. However, this was the first time I saw them, that I remember most fondly. It was also the Summer of '80. The show was performed at SMU (Southern Massachusetts University) when the new wave band from Athens, GA were still playing college campuses. The concert itself was held indoors in one of SMUs gymasiums. As I recall, there were alot of people there. The gym space was nearly full. The first song of their first set was also their first release,
"Planet Claire". Fog filled the stage, the music began and three-quarters (3/4) of the
people all rushed to the stage. In turn the void created a large space for dancing. The
dance type of the day was the 'pogo'. My throat was so sore after all the screaming I did during that show.

Billy Idol
I was out here visiting friends in Sunnyvale, the Summer of '86. It was late July and the Shoreline Ampitheatre was brand-spanking new. Complete with the little towers of burning methane up on the lawn. I don't remember much of the show- it had to have been a good time!

David Bowie
I saw Bowie in 1987 when he played Spartan Stadium for his "Glass Spider Tour". I remember seeing all the 'jesus people' carrying signs out in front urging people not to listen the 'evil' music of Mr. Bowie. Peter Frampton played lead guitar during that tour. I was thirty (30) feet from the stage. The turf was gone and I was dancing in an inch of mud, but I didn't care. Dude! It was BOWIE!

Pet Shop Boys
Also in 1987 was The Performance Tour was the most unique event. PSB did performance art at The Warfield. Each set was a more like acts in a play. Wonderful, just wonderful, even from the "nose bleed seats". I was a bit disappointed though-
Dancing was strongly discouraged.

The BoDeans, The Pretenders, U2
The year was 1988. The event was Concerts On The Green at Oakland Stadium.
What a totally awesome triple play! First on stage were The BoDeans doing their hit
"Runaway". Thirty (30) minutes after their set, The Pretenders were on stage. I was so close to the stage that I could see Chrissy's sweat on her brow! And yeah, it is possible to mosh to "Mystery Achievement" and "Tattoo Love Boys".
U2. What can I say? Just one word: Incredible! I had anticipated the huge crowd that was around me during The Pretenders set, to completely engulf the space
occupied by my concert companion and I, so before Bono and the boys came on stage, it was up to the stands we went. A much better view too.

Depeche Mode
1988 was a great year for concert going! Depeche was at Mountain View's Shoreline
Ampitheatre for their Music for the Masses Tour. Martin Gore's lyrics and Dave Gahan's vocals combined with the music created by Andy Fletcher and Alan Wilder
infused the the "fast fashion" sound. There's nothing like dancing on the lawn!

The B-52's, Billy Bragg
This show was at Shoreline, sometime in the early 90s. The Bs didn't disappoint the
crowd, as usual. Yet it was Billy Bragg that I wanted to see. I so enjoyed his lyric:
"... just because you're gay, I won't turn you away. If you stick around, I'm sure we'll find some common ground..." from the song "Sexuality". Cool, real cool.

NIN (Nine Inch Nails)
Who would've thought NIN at SJSUs Event Center in 1994? I heard about the show and just had to go. It was almost like a summons. NIN has always been, in this Behr's opinion, all about Trent Reznor's angst ridden music. "Head like a hole, black as your soul, I'd rather die than give you control."
A lyric from "Head Like A Hole" (Pretty Hate Machine) I really like his music. To me, it's thought provoking and dark. Very dark and haunting, like Bauhaus, Ministry, Cure and Linkin Park.

SemiSonic
I saw Semisonic in 1998 at the Filmore in SF. "Closing Time" and "Singing in my Sleep" were getting alot of airplay on Live 105. Yet at the show the song that blew me away was their cover of Prince's song "Erotic City".

Susan Tedeschi
In the Commonwealth, there are many convenience stores by the name of "Tedeschi's". I was surprised to learn that this singers' surname and the mini markets were all in the same family! I saw Susan when she and her band played the Catalyst in Santa Cruz back in'99. She's just a little thing. Susan stands perhaps a whole five (5) feet tall, but her voice- Oh man, her voice is so large!

Rolling Stones, Sheryl Crow
In the Summer of Y2k, I worked as a "Blue Coat" for "Bill Graham Presents".
A Blue Coat did just about everything in regards to crowd control and general security. My assigned position for that night at PacBell Park was on the field "protecting" the massive speaker tower located stage left. It was raining that night in The City. Not quite a downpour but rather the annoying heavy mist/drizzle. It was in this weather that Sheryl was performing in.
Yet when her set was completed, it was like the deity in charge of weather, decided that it would not rain on the Stones. By the time Mick bounded on stage, the rain had stopped and the sky was partly cloudy.

Aerosmith
The bad boys from Boston played at Shoreline in Y2k. My assignment for BGP was to limit traffic at the main stage gate. Although, I wasn't backstage per se, I was the guy the throngs of "support people" had to go through to get to all the tents immediately behind backstage. When my break rolled around, it was customary to shed the blue coat and join the audience up on the lawn. I caught up with another blue coat halfway up on the lawn. We shared a bowl and rocked out to "Sweet Emotion", "Walk This Way" and "Draw The Line".

The Other Ones
The last show I worked for BGP was The Other Ones at the Henry J. Kaiser in Oakland. My assignment was crowd control in the six (6) foot wide space between the railing and front of the stage. The Kaiser is a "no smoking" venue. Well, more like a no tobacco smoking venue. I stood with my back to the band for the entire show. So I guess I didn't "see" them. I did, however, get quite a contact from the herb smoke wafting toward the stage. I can easily understand how a spiritual connection would've been made when Jerry was still alive. Although, I think the message of caring for your fellow man was lost on some of the younger teenage crowd whom were there with their grandparents.

Def Leppard
Def was doing a tour with another old school band that I can't for the life of me remember. It was in '05 at the Municipal Stadium in San Jose. I had a female friend in the late 80s that was an extreme fan of Def Leppard so some of the songs kind of grew on me. "Pour Some Sugar On Me" from "Hysteria" and "Rock Of Ages" from "Pyromania" were the songs that I enjoyed the most from those days. Marky asked if I wanted to go along with him to the show. Seeing and hearing the band play those songs were great. I surprised myself that I actually remembered the lyrics!

Xavier Rudd
The last show I'd seen was also in 2005, at the Great American Music Hall. A fairly small venue, it reminded me of a mini Filmore. Marky had asked if like to go with him to the show. I didn't know who Xavier Rudd was, yet I trust Marky's musical prowess, as comparable to my own. Xavier had been getting alot of airplay on KFOG and it he had caught Mark's attention. Xavier's a multi-talented young guy in his 20s from "Down Under". A self-taught musician whom plays guitar, drums, bongos, and the
didgeridoo.
Xavier's voice reminded us of that of Paul Simon. All factors combined led to a fantastic presentation and very danceable.

So Sayeth Das Behr

Maintaining the Ties That Bind

2006-08-31T16:56:00.000-07:00

It's been nearly two and half months since I had checked the contents of my P.O. Box.
Since I rarely travel further north than say Mountain View, I've made the decision to close my P.O.Box at SFO.

How strange it seemed being in such close proximity to the "big birds". I parked the car at Millbrae BART. Took the train into SFO station, went through the fare gate and into the International terminal. Yup, it's still there. Big and shiny, just like I remembered it. Looking over toward the "A" side I hear a jumbo pulling into a gate.
I've learned a while back that it's easier to identify an air carriers by the tail of the
aircraft. The one pulling into "Gate alpha three" had the tail markings of Asiana.
When I left "Swishport", Asiana was parking on the "G" side of the airport. "OZ" on the "A" side meant just one thing- Asiana was now an "A" side flight. Uh-oh.

I caught up with a former Swissport associate named Philip. He's still working the ticket counters for Lufthansa and Air France. We chatted briefly.

Same ol', same ol'. Uh-oh, sheesh, not my problem. I kept saying softly 'not my problem'. I rounded the corner at ticket counter six and saw the woman that took on the role of FMU a.k.a. Virgin Ops, it was Shabeena. It was good to see her, we had always got along well together. Shabeena was stocking the counter aisles with supplies before the counter opened. We also chatted briefly. Then I ran into a Virgin manager...

It was good to see Mr. C. again. He stated that he had received my email and thanked me for the link to the Steve Ridgeway (Virgin CEO) article that I found online. Mr. C.
asked if I had eaten and before I could reply, he said that there's a potluck in progress upstairs and that I ought to go get some food. Virgin has ALWAYS had the best potlucks!

Despite my protest of not having a badge, Mr. C. just gave me a "oh please" look and assured me that it would be okay.

Virgin counter personnel were now exiting from the elevator and headed to the counter. Many "heys" and "hellos" were exchanged it was nice.
I enter the Virgin Administration office on the fourth floor. Everyone is in the large briefing room. I announce my arrival by saying that I'd been invited to get some lunch. Ms. I, had a big grin on her face and kept repeating "Security Breach, Security Breach". Mr. S. shook my hand and thanked me for sending such a well worded email response to an article that a disgruntled Virgin passenger had posted online.

The spread of foodstuffs was impressive. Cellophane noodles, sushi, eggrolls, broccoli beef, pork buns, cheeses, and three veggie trays! Then were the sweets too many to mention here suffice to say it was there, it was great, and I consumed as only a Behr would. By the time I had my second round of sushi and cello noodles, Mr. C. had returned.

Nothing's changed he tells me. Last week. There was no one at the make-up at 14h00
(2PM) there were a huge amount of bags everywhere and no one there to load the cans. I could only shake my head in disgust. I let everyone in the room know that my
EDD Appeals hearing is slated for Tuesday the 12th. If anyone familiar with the role that I played is invited to come to the hearing and witness for me. No immediate response given, no problem.

Mark from Hallmark wandered in. He, like everyone else, was surprised and pleased to see me. I'm advised that after my lunch, if I'd be interested in getting an app for a position that he has available. Mark said that my reputation precedes me- such high regard from the staff and management of Virgin Atlantic SFO.

Another job at SFO?
Only if it pays well. my friends, only if it pays well.

tick, tick, tick

2006-08-31T16:48:00.000-07:00

Requests for interviews seem to be pouring in. I had a very good interview yesterday. I have another set-up for next week and today I had an impromptu meeting with Hallmark Aviation Services. I'm keeping fingers and toes crossed.

Hindsight is always 20/20

2006-08-30T11:16:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I fucked up.

I said the wrong thing. When you're told by someone that you care for that you are loved by that person, please say something other than "thank-you".

I'll be paying for that screw-up for some time to come. He said he loved me. but I didn't want to cheapen it and throw in a hasty I love you too.

Last time I did something like that- I was called "callous" by another. I never saw the warning signs, I had no idea that Andreas was in love with me. I was in my late 20's at that time. Andreas never told me but he always confided in Mickey. Andreas went to visit his grandmother in Germany to sort out his feelings for me. Mickey said I broke his heart. She said that I should have known. I didn't have a clue.

I never saw him again.

He flipped his car on the autobahn and died upon impact.

Like Pluto, things had to change...

2006-08-29T16:13:00.000-07:00

Pluto's orbit was determined to be oblong instead of circular. Pluto's size isn't quite up to snuff. Like former distant "planet", one of my orbits' has changed. No matter how much one wants something to happen fate will always intervene when the time is just not where it needs to be. Like chain of amino acids, if the chains combine "just so" you get protein molecules- a basis for life. If not you just have a puddle of goo.

If things were different, perhaps maybe.

Like Pluto, I've had alter what I consider as a "friend". I haven't "demoted" rather changed the parameters slightly. At this time only the person I'd loved more than my other friends is affected. For now it's for the best. Later? Perhaps. If the person wants to pursue that's up to him.

I wish him and Pluto luck in the new endeavors that fate has in store for them.

No grudges.
No worries.

I maybe a Tiger and he a Rabbit and we like most creatures always land on our paws.

I'm usually cordial. That's all I ask in return.

So Sayeth Das Behr

So much for that

2006-08-29T09:29:00.000-07:00

Waa-aa!

Okay, so much for that pity party. Did you enjoy it? Albeit, I didn't appreciate that form of send-off. However, it does make a clean break. I could say something harsh but y'know, fuck it.

Whatever.

He Only Speaks To Me In My Dreams

2006-08-28T14:29:00.000-07:00

We play off one another well, in realtime. Mostly joking at the "expense" of the other. Light hearted jabs and stuff like that. We have alot in common. I mean we're alot alike we have the same taste in music, food, & culture. We're comfortable around one another, so comfortable that there were times when I would finish one of his sentences and he would likewise finish one of mine. It was like we were on the same wavelength. Observers have mentioned to me that when we were hanging out that we behaved as so "married", we just didn't know it. Apparently unbeknownst to me our "comfort level" was noticeable to others.

We play pool as well. He is so much better at it than I. Although, I do watch as how he applies English and then "blam" the object ball slams into the pocket with such force and determination.

He is the only man who can refer to me as "Robbie".

I don't know what I did to offend him. I say "Hi" to him and I'm ignored. On more than one occassion. I'm confused and I detest that. I do not know what I did to offend him. Yet I'm being ignored just the same. Last I saw him he had slipped quietly out the door with car keys in hand. I called his voicemail and asked the machine what it was that I had done to offend him. I asked for him to advise me because I really do not know. I ventured that it is obvious to me that he doesn't feel the same for me as I do for him. I announced to the answering machine a lie that I'm moving on. That I have moved on. Although, I do not want to trash a long-term friendship. Yeah I'm weird like that, I suppose. But,I feel like I'm grieving the death of a friendship that I had no conscience part in it's demise.

He won't talk to me, not in person anyway.

But in my dreams...

In a dream I remember from two nights ago, we were hanging out together. We were both admiring a red convertible car. It was kind of old and it was shiny. He was referring to me as "Robbie". He spent alot of time grinning that wonderful smile of his. I felt warm and happy again to be in his presence.

The next thing I recall is the sound of a rooster crowing. The rooster will not stop crowing. It's endless and annoying. I stir and my eyes are teary because I realize that the rooster crow is my wake-up call and it saddens me because-

Marky is still not talking to me, but only in my dreams.

Cold Feet vs. Raw Nerve

2006-08-26T22:46:00.000-07:00

I consider myself a patient, low maintenance, guy. A real man's man as the old cliche goes. I am cool and mellow and when anything happens to get me riled, I strike. Usually verbally, although I've been known to deck someone if given "just cause". Just cause with me would be if some dude threw the first punch despite being warned to the contrary. All in all, I can handle myself if need be. I would often take the initiative- sparking a conversation with a stranger I found interesting, I say 'hello' to passerby on the street, talk to animals to coax them off busy roadways, etc. You could say I'm outgoing. Hell, I describe myself as outgoing.

Like Deanna Troi (ST:TNG) I'm comfortable with my empathic ability to "read" people. I tend to strip the wheat from the chafe pretty readily. And sometimes the chafe is more interesting then the wheat! But I digress.Yet, when it comes to matters of the heart, my Betazoid-like senses short circuit. Senses that I rely on scramble and instinct goes on the defensive. To sum it up- I'm confused, but I've learned not to distrust "gut feelings". Instead observation proves that I'm suppressing those gut feelings. There's one man in particular. I'll refer to him as "Joshua".

I've known Joshua for about seven years, he, like me, is a cool and friendly guy. We both have similar viewpoints regards to the world around us. We're in sync with our tastes in music and are both open to new genres from foreign lands. Joshua's got a refined "bad boy" quality about him. His street smarts are tight and cautious, his vocabulary is extraordinary and he has a wonderful smile. Joshua chooses both his battles and his words very carefully. And he doesn't toss around the word 'love' with wild meaningless abandon.

Almost eight months ago, we were at a house party with many other friends in attendance. Joshua was the designated driver for many party revelers, therefore he was not drinking that night. I caught up with him shortly after midnight. I'm making my rounds taking hits off of a chilled champagne bottle, he is leaning against a barn post drinking from a bottle of water. Walking over to Joshua, I wished him a happy new year. He pulls me into an embrace and says "I love you" into my left ear. I then felt the most softest lips touch mine in a kiss that made me lose my breath and my toes to curl. Initially, I was in shock. Wow. Oh man. Damn, dude. All I could say was thank-you and wander away with this big-assed grin on my face. That grin didn't leave me for a number of days! I know that I'm in love with Joshua. Actually, I have been interested in him for quite sometime (about four years). He had gone through a rather nasty break-up with his BF at the time. I don't get involved in those type of matters that don't concern me. I'm patient and wait until the time is right for me to act. When he said that he loved me, it was like the flood gates had been opened- finally all those emotions that I had for him on the extreme down low surfaced.

I could be sitting in alone in a room, think of him and smile. When days would pass on without me seeing him I would get this chest pain. It's a dull tugging type pain. Which goes away the moment I see him. I've been living painfully with cold feet for eight months. Not one to upset the apple cart, I don't want to toss away a long-term friendship by allowing romantic feelings to get in the way. But now I only sob as I try to cope with my confusion.

However, raw nerve, is getting the best of me. There have been numerous "pregnant pauses" lately. Bits of time that seem to be waiting for something to be said. I've always had a gift for written communication. I can think on my feet. When I'm nervous I tend to think rather fast and speak rather fast, when I think on my feet. I would blurt out un-filtered ideas and statements that at times embarrass me. Oh well, whatever. I live in the here and now and don't like to dwell on the past. Some things in my distant past I've blocked because I had to. I can recall them into my everyday mind if I need to. And I no longer have the sound of my mom's screams reverberating in my skull like I used to. Damn- it's been over thirty years since the wife-beating-sperm-donor caused my mom to shriek and scream and it still brings tears to my eyes. Again, I digress.

Throw caution to the wind. State your peace. It's coming to a head. I can't take this anymore- it's like I'm turning into a bloody basket case. Raw nerve is going to end this self-induced pain I've been feeling. I need to tell Joshua how I feel about him and let the cards fall where they may.

Because I'll just have to deal with it the best I know how...

Reverse HIV Discrimination & Bug Chasers

2006-08-26T22:35:00.000-07:00

Up until two months ago, I was homeless- living in my car and holding down a full-time job that just didn't pay enough but to merely exist. I tried all the avenues which I thought would be available to me. General Assistance, Welfare, the local LGBTQ "community" center. I'm not a jaded person, but apparently I didn't realize that there were a number of "qualifiers" that I had to meet in order to get the assistance I needed. For example:General Assistance: I'm not a member of a racial minority (I'm caucasian), Welfare: I'm not a single battered female with children (I'm male, single without kids). The LGBTQ "community" center: I'm not HIV positive (and plan to stay that way).The LGBTQ "community" has been all up in arms about the rise in the infection rate of HIV and those "pitiful souls" known as "bug-chasers".

Gee, I wonder why.

What was once considered a "death sentence", HIV became a managable illness- provided the lucky recipient responded favorably to a host of different toxic concoctions. AZT lead to protease inhibitors which lead to "the cocktail" and now Tripla (a new single daily doseage treatment recently approved by the FDA) T-cell and Helper cell counts went up and Viral Load counts shrank to barely detectable and trace levels.

How comforting. Modern medicine finally came to the rescue. Which is the way it should be. Unfortunately, only after the deaths of tens of thousands of people globally. Local government also belatedly came to rescue in the form of providing discounted housing for those who are too weak to work. In many States, including California, having a life debillitating illness- like HIV makes you eligible for permanent disability status. (In Florida, if you have HIV, then you're automatically disabled.) Which in turn opens the door to a plethora of helpful services, like access to well-below market housing, food, healthcare, public transportation at little or no-cost.

For those people that require such services, I'm glad that they are available. Modern medicine has made HIV survivable. Local government has made HIV attractive and lucrative. I can truly understand when HIV survivability combined with the plethora of services listed above, it can become very tempting to engage in "bug-chasing" activities.

I mean, like, why not?

I've been a hard working gay man all of my adult life. Hell, I'm struggling to make a life for myself. I've suffered more set-backs than triumphs, of late. I've been without a long-term relationship for more years than I wish to acknowledge. My situation depresses me. My loneliness un-nerves me. I'm at an economic stand still and my bills are stacking up. My life seems to be unraveling right before my eyes, despite my constant efforts to the contrary.

Would someone in my shoes want an easier way out? Oh, hell yeah! So based upon what I've observed, the whole concept of bug-chasing can be extremely tempting, indeed. However, I have a personal morality code that forbids it. I haven't guarded and maintained my sero-negative status so I could cast it away due to a "temporary" economic state and take advantage of a structured support system that wasn't designed for me. In my opinion, NO ONE ought to take advantage of any support system if they do not require it. This would include able-bodied trace detectable individuals living in greatly subsidized housing and are abusing their monthly disability allowance to sustain their addiction to crystal methamphetamine.

It is a travesty.

It must stop.

Boy, Don't I feel so BUTCH

2006-08-24T16:39:00.000-07:00

Before anyone may think otherwise, my demeanor is masculine. I feel really butch because I had correctly diagnosed an engine problem. All the "idiot lights" on my instrument cluster had lit up. In the past when this had happened it was my alternator.

What an inconvenient time it was- it was three years ago, I was on a date with a real humpy non-stereotypical filipino guy (non-stereotypical as in he was a tall, hunky, masculine, cigar smoking man- best summed up as Woof! or maybe a walking wet dream).

Anyways...

There's nothing like engine trouble to kill a date.

No only three years later, I had to replace the alternator again. This time I didn't have it towed to the mechanic. I pulled the component found it's match online and ordered a brand new one for less cost than a re-manufactured one in a local parts store.My car has been out of commission for over a week. In the car culture which is California, no car for over a week may as well seem like a year!

So, here I am putting this 12.5 pound component into the car (1990 Subaru Legacy LS AWD, and it still gets 25 mpg!) I had the part in and bolted so damn fast it was scary! I fired up the engine and voila! No idiot lights on the panel cluster.

This just confirms my #2 ranking on www.straightacting.com

HOORAH!

So Sayeth Das Behr

So where's my wood?

2006-08-19T09:59:00.000-07:00

Smoking cigarettes can cause of Erectile Dysfunction.

I though it was something that happens during middle age. Why else were there so many types of cock rings on the market? Yeah, I know it sounds rather naive but hey it's not like there are any BOOKS on this topic. Oh hell no, men are the strong silent types. One dares not talk aloud nor write about not being able to get it up unless it is with a crane!I truly thought it was me. Well it could very well still be me, but now I know that alot of it had to do with me smoking cigarettes. My personal ad states that I've been known "to pitch a coupla innings" but I'm "mostly a catcher". Truth of the matter is that I've mainly been a "top" and had "become" a versatile/bottom when it became more difficult for me sustain an erection.

Now I've stopped smoking, so where is my wood?

To be fair, I've never got a hard-on by looking at a beefy guy. Nor a chubby by watching a skater punk in dropped jeans grind past me on the street. Nope, nothing visual. If I were to read "friction fiction", then oh-you-betcha, doncha-know. A drippin' stiffy for days!

What was the difference between the two I pondered. Then it dawned on me. If I were observing a guy, it was like I wasn't a part of what i was watching. It's like stumbling upon a circle jerk in the woods. I wouldn't get wood unless I was involved in the action. Reading friction fiction enables me to be right in the thick of the action.

I was hanging out with "Joshua" when I was between residences. When I saw him leaning over the bed he was making, his trim back within a white "wife-beater" tee. A nice firm ass wrapped in black lycra biking shorts topping his muscular furred legs...

SCHA-WING-!!!

Why did this happen? I wasn't part of any "action" or "scene". Then it hit me. I was in the thick of a scene. I was checking out my super sexy friend who was a mere 2 feet from me. Oh how I wanted to lick the back of his legs. Yank down those shorts and ram my tongue between his cheeks slurp and munch and suck and nibble on his perineum. I'd have him squirming all over. Hell, I'd have my freaking post stabbing in and out of his ass.

I smack myself in the head sometimes for thinking "logically". I didn't do anything because I respect him. You just can't go pouncing on your buds.

Or can you?

How far does respect go? I'm not talkin' about friends with benefits here, (that's a Blog Topic for another time.)

I love him. I'm emotionally bonded to him.

And that guys, makes all the difference in the world.

Lemme Try That Again...

2006-08-18T08:46:00.000-07:00

Okay, I found my trigger. My overwhelming URGE for nicotine. And it is the same thing that I've been struggling with for YEARS now. C'mon take a wild guess as to what my trigger might be. Go ahead, I'll wait... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... Give Up? What? You want a hint? No sorry, no hints.

Well, just ONE.

It felt like a mini panic attack. My heart started racing, my mind was suddenly moving at the speed of light and I began to move about the house sans direction.

It was stressful.

It was S-T-R-E-S-S.

I went and dug a crumpled pack of cheapy cigarettes from the dumpster outside the garage. I had crushed the pack the night before. Now here I was gingerly opening the cover and began withdrawing one cigarette at a time, from the pack. Of the eight cancer sticks remaining there was three that were "salvagable". I justified this action as ok because I really hate to "waste" anything. Yeah, it's true I don't, however, I've been wasting my lungs for years, so where the hell is the trade-off?

Anyway...

The smoke tasted gross.

I smoked the entire thing. Then went in the house and scrubbed my tongue with minty tooth gel and washed my hands.

The old saying of things always happens in three's. It seems like it's happening again... Today, 18 August, third time is the charm, I believe it to be true of Taureans and it will be true of cancer-causing paper wrapped tubes of death.

Huh? What caused the stress? Does it really matter? No- What matters most is that I know that it's a trigger and I will get over that feeling. Forcing a faux hyper ventatlation and getting massive amounts of air into my lungs will do wonders.

Day Two One Slip

2006-08-16T07:58:00.000-07:00

Yeah, day 2 One Slip. I read something online and a bit of a panic swept over me. Whenever that feeling would happen, I did what I'd done for almost twenty years- I lit up.

Yesterday was completely smoke-free. Wow, how wonderful that was! Today, I sorta smoked a cigarette. Half of it, I didn't inhale, half I did. Nicotine buzz? No, didn't happen. Although, when I was done with that cigarette, the taste in my mouth was so gross. I immediately went and brushed my tongue with minty tooth gel. Then when I returned to the keyboard, I noticed this smell from my fingers-

YUK! Yeah, I immediately washed my hands.

What triggered the panicky feeling I got? I'm not going to release that just yet. suffice to say, I recognised it right away. Now I need to develope a counter attack to that feeling...

Do Overs

2006-08-15T06:20:00.000-07:00

A new font! Verdana, I'd rather use Tahoma but Blogger don't offer that one. Oh well! It's just a font...

I remember wanting and getting "do-overs" when playing a game involving a pair of dice. Oops! A die rolled off the game board and onto the rug- Do Over!

Fore! A cue ball goes flying off the pool table- Do Over!

Financial collapse, can I have a Do Over? If there's ONE thing I could change from my past it would be having a better grip on my finances. Then again, I am the product of the life I've lived. If there were to be a change in the life as I have lived it, would it turn out better or worse? Would I get to keep the associations that I've made? The friendships that I maintain? What about the man that I love? It took a long time to find him, like a diamond in the rough. The man I love is non negotiable. I don't want a complete make-over, just one item. Like a line item veto. I just want to not worry about money. Hell, I'd love to be able to pay someone to manage my money. Unfortunately, I don't have enough money that needs to be managed.

What's the price of a Do-Over? I hope it's less costly than hundreds of dollars in overdraft fees accrued exponentially- yeah it's like $300 a month! Ouch!

Just one do-over. Just one, please...

that smoke thing

2006-08-13T11:18:00.000-07:00

I'm so done with that.
That's my attitude to succeed or is it "suck seed" (ah, no that IS something else)

I'm done.