After 28 years, I KNOW I CAN DO THIS.

Well it finally happened. The price of a pack of cigarettes and a gallon of petrol have now come into balance. A gallon of petrol could propel my car 28 miles. Contrastingly, a pack of 20 oxygen robbing cigarettes could not propel me nearly that far- My lungs can no longer keep up with the air requirement to propel my mountain bike, let alone dance and I really enjoy dancing!

Once upon a time when I was grossly involved with my addiction- I would fore go sustenance to ensure I had at least a pack of cigarettes on hand. My stomach would be growling quite audibly, but I'd ignore it, as long as I got my nicotine fix.

Whenever I felt hungry, I'd "comfort" myself with the knowledge that at least I had some smokes. For years I smoked in what seemed like wild abandon. It was my safety blanket when I got stood up for a date. It was there for me when I felt depressed, when I was lonely in a crowd, when I was stressed and when I was drunk, It was there my mini-escape from reality. In the late Nineties, I went on the patch. I had not smoked for almost four months, then I relapsed. A decade later I knew I had to try again, because I've been lying to myself for what seemed to be all the fucking time:

"I'll quit smoking next week."
"I will quit smoking soon."
"This is my last cigarette."
"I really need to stop smoking."

I made "quit dates" and ignored them. I went on the patch and smoked anyway.
I smoked long cigarettes, I smoked short cigarettes, I smoked roached cigarettes.
When I ran out and had no cash or plastic to get more, my inner junkie would come out and I saw myself staking out public ashtrays- hunting for cigarettes long enough for me to rip-off the filters and smoke the remainder like a joint.

Thinking aloud one day, I surmised, what were my triggers for reaching for my cigarettes? Plainly, it's boredom. Why is it that we all must "look busy" at all times? Then it occurred to me... I don't. It's okay to be doing nothing at all, it's okay not to smoke.

The sub-conscience urge.

It was strange and quite weird when I first noticed this phenomena. I was sitting and chatting amongst a group of friends. Of my friends, all but two smoke cigarettes regularly. I reached for my pack and extracted one cigarette. It was then that I noticed other smokers also reach for their pack and take-out a cigarette. Yet, unlike me, they all sparked up. It was like watching a wildfire in slow motion...

Ouch.

I ran out of cigarettes last Friday afternoon, 25 May, around six-ish. It was then that I made the decision that I refuse to buy more. I know I can do this. Case in point- one week prior, I was washing my car, I spent four hours performing that labor of love and not once during that afternoon did I feel the urge to light up.

Last Sunday, I found a cigarette with a hit left on it. So, being the nico-addict that I am, I lit it and inhaled. I had gone 36 hours without nicotine and this small booster of nicotine sent my physiology into hyper-drive. The first thing I felt was light-headed to the point of feeling dizzy. Then I noticed my heart rate jump to a faster pace, then I began sweating and felt a headache beginning to form. I immediately sought out my bed and waited almost ten minutes for me to recuperate and for the first time it did something I had never anticipated- it scared me.

It is now the night of Tuesday, 29 May. It's been at least 48 hours since I took that hit off the roached cigarette. I'm still without cash. My car now has a low fuel indicator illuminating my dash cluster. I've located my 2mg nico-gum. Rotten Robbie's is selling "nicotine infused water" in 2 mg doses.

I have yet to test my new found freedom from cigarettes. I've yet to venture out to where the smokers congregate. I've yet to subject myself to having a drink in one hand and feel the "need" to have a cigarette in the other. But to help me in those moments of weakness, I have a new mantra...

I can do this.

I can do this.

I CAN DO THIS.

After 28 years, I KNOW I CAN DO THIS.

Tarnishing Good Intentions

The following is a recent "Bulletin Posting" found on the Das Behr MySpace presence. Following the posting is Das Behr's reaction to the posting- which incidentally was sent to the person that made the post...

"May 24, 2007 1:39 PM
Subject please read
Body: Read all of this one, it is interesting!! Read down to the very bottom highlighted in green, IT GAVE ME GOOSEBUMPS!!! You don't want to miss this! ((*_*))

VERY INTERESTING---



1. The Garden of Eden was in Iraq.

2. Mesopotamia, which is now Iraq, was the cradle of civilization!

3. Noah built the ark in Iraq.

4. The Tower of Babel was in Iraq.

5. Abraham was from Ur, which is in Southern Iraq!

6. Isaac's wife Rebekah is from Nahor, which is in Iraq!

7. Jacob met Rachel in Iraq.

8. Jonah preached in Nineveh - Which is in Iraq.

9. Assyria, which is in Iraq, conquered the ten tribes of Israel.

10 Amos cried out in Iraq!

11. Babylon, which is in Iraq, destroyed Jerusalem.

12. Daniel was in the lion's den in Iraq!

13. The three Hebrew children were in the fire in Iraq (Jesus had been in

Iraq also as the fourth person in the Fiery Furnace!)

14. Belshazzar, the King of Babylon saw the "writing on the wall" in Iraq.

15. Nebuchadnezzar, King of Babylon, carried the Jews captive into Iraq.

16. Ezekiel preached in Iraq.

17. The wise men were from Iraq.

18. Peter preached in Iraq.



19. The "Empire of Man" described in

Revelation is called Babylon, which was a city in Iraq!


And you have probably seen this one: Israel is the nation most often mentioned in the Bible. But do you know which nation is second? It is Iraq! However, that is not the name that is used in the Bible. The names used in the Bible are Babylon, Land of Shinar, and Mesopotamia . The word Mesopotamia means between the two rivers, more exactly between the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers. The name Iraq, means country with deep roots.

Indeed Iraq is a country with deep roots and is a very significant country in the Bible.

No other nation, except Israel, has more history and prophecy associated

With it than Iraq.

And also, this is something to think about: Since America is typically represented by an eagle. Saddam should have read up on his Muslim passages...

The following verse is from the Koran, (the Islamic Bible).

Koran (9:11 ) - For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah;

And there was peace.
(Note the verse number!) Hmmmmmmm?!


I BETTER NOT HEAR OF ANYONE BREAKING THIS ONE OR SEE IT DELETED. This is a ribbon for soldiers fighting in Iraq. Pass it on to everyone and pray. Something good will happen to you tonight at 11:11 PM. This is not a joke. Someone will either call you or will talk to you online and say that they love you. Do not break this chain. Send this to 13 people in the next 15 minutes. Go."


Oh PULEEEZE!

Yes, I agree, Iraq was in fact, Mesopotamia. But to put a "Troop spin" on it then make it into a chain letter, truly in this Behr's opinion, it's now rubbish! The youngsters being killed in that blood bath signed up to do a job. Unfortunately they, and the rest of us, were TOTALLY misled into believing that the former Iraqi president (that the good ol' US of A put into power and AIDED in the Iraq-Iran war) had conspired with Al Qaeda regarding 9/11 and that Saddam had access to WMDs (remember those?). Many of the Service Members of the Coalition Forces, are trying to stay alive under the extremely difficult conditions. And to affix the information into a FREAKING CHAIN LETTER-?!?!?! Don't even get me started on the insensitive comparison that the Holy Book of Islam (Koran) as the "Islamic Bible". Yet if the comparison was made in the attempt to get simple Americans to relate, then I say give the simpletons the actual name and let them draw their own conclusions.
As for my sub-link in the "chain-letter" consider it broken! Grrrrr!

So Sayeth Das Behr