Things I Have Done

Recently, I began to think back on all the things I've done over the years. Some may be considered unremarkable and others- once in a lifetime events...

I had once worked in a darkroom where I duplicated and processed 35mm microfilm. I had taught myself defensive driving skills by doing donuts on an ice covered parking lot. I had once bought $200 worth of Chicago albums in one shot. I had bought my first compact disc- Mike Oldfield's TUBULAR BELLS before I owned a CD player. I had my Massachusetts drivers license seized by CHP after I got pulled over for doing 80 in a 55 MPH zone near SFO. I had committed an act of vandalism at a school in Massachusetts- I threw multiple rocks through many panes of glass. The first girl I had kissed was Mary Priolli when I was eight years old. The last girl I had kissed was Ruth McDonnell, just before I came out to her. The first man I had kissed was also my first boyfriend- TJ Lewis. My first car was a Chevy Vega, that I had once drove recklessly through a snow covered cemetery, hit a snow bank and busted my timing belt. After the thaw I noticed I had sheared off a headstone that was hidden in the snow bank. I had totalled my dad's car when I was 19. The aftermath of that accident had put 35 stitches to close the inside of my mouth. I had been struck in the mouth with the blade of a shovel, which chipped all of my lower teeth. Growing up, I hated my brother Doug so much, that I stood by and did nothing as some neighborhood kids beat the crap out of him. I had been gay bashed twice, with skateboards, within a four week period. I had bought an old true quadraphonic sound system from a friend, just to listen to the first three Chicago albums. I had thrown a knife at my sister after she called me a faggot. I had never cheated on any of my boyfriends. I got pulled over on the freeway for driving too slow- I had witnessed a motorcyclist getting decapitated in a horrific accident 10 miles back.

I had driven my VW Beetle 18 months without a proper registration nor insurance. I drove round trip to San Diego for Pride. I had missed my brother's [Adam] wedding, which in turn spurned a 15 year estrangement. I have two nieces and two nephews that don't know me nor I them. I had gone to college for architectural design, but dropped out just as AutoCAD was being introduced at the college level. I had been a member of Queer Nation/San Jose. I've had sex with 528 different guys over a 20 year period.

I had once fallen asleep behind the wheel and woke up after I had changed lanes. I once slept under the Park Avenue Bridge. I had "survival camped" along the Guadalupe River for three months. I had slept in a sitting position in my VW and I had developed Deep Vein Thrombosis. My appendix had burst while at work and I waited a week before seeking medical attention because I thought the pain would go away. I subsequently lost three feet of bowel due to peritonitis. I lived through two pulmonary embolisms. I have an In-Chest Defibrillator [ICD] with a dead battery. I've awaken in a panic after discovering that I was no longer breathing. I've been clocked at 3 minutes between breaths during an apneac event. I have a high degree AV block.

I walked from Daly City to Palo Alto in five hours one night. I walked from SoHo to Kensington and through Piccadilly Circus at 4 in the morning. I cruised for guys on the London Underground. I walked through the National Mall, in the District of Columbia at 5 in the morning. I traded my microwave oven for a car ride to the bus station to get out of Fort Myers Florida. I had done "mil-spec" soldering of SMT printed circuit cards. I had quit smoking cigarettes for 3 months in the late 90s.

I have always "been there" for my friends, sometimes without regard for my personal well-being. I have performed emergency road repair on my VW with a butter knife. I had replaced the gas tank on another VW and used medical grade flex tubing for a fuel line. I lived in my Subaru for five months while I worked at SFO. I have been to fourteen consecutive SF Pride events. I had post-9/11, 24/7 access to the AOA [Airport Operations Area] aka- the Ramp and sometimes had the opportunity to watch the 747-400's achieve lift. I had nearly become a "speed bump" to an inbound United 747 on her way into a "G" Side gate. I had been on "Death's Doorstep" on three separate occasions. I had busted my ass for my customer- Virgin Atlantic Airways. I have met Steve Ridgeway [CEO, Virgin Atlantic Airways]. I have met Sir Richard Branson [Chairman, Virgin Group].

So Sayeth Das Behr