Another month...

I never liked the phrase that Ben Franklin is accredited with: There is nothing more certain than death and taxes- yeah I paraphrased big time, but the point is those two events are a "given". Much like the gifts I receive from my parents. Birthday gifts have routinely been twenty-five dollars. Which is cool, I usually get alot of items for twenty-five USD.

The pauper like life I maintain, always had me looking forward to Christmas. As an adult I always got a gift of one-hundred dollars. Which has for the most part paid a bill or fed me or put gas in my car. Those gifts of Christmas past had been put to useful things. Sometimes I'd have enough money to buy a CD or go to a movie on the big screen.

Both my mom and dad have retired a few years ago from the "baby-bell" that
served New England. So I know that they are on a fixed income. I have siblings and sister-in-laws and nieces and nephews that also get worked into the pie.
As the eldest child of my immediate family, I know that I'm not the favorite one- that title goes to my brother David. The kid I knew David to be was a nice good decent person, He's a teacher and a soccer coach enjoys what he does.

I would think that a immediate family annual gift expenditure of a half a
Grover Cleveland would get rather pricey on a fixed income. I had looked forward to
paying my monthly insurance installment borne from the Christmas gift from my folks.

Yeah I'm a little bummed but the man I am totally understands the path.

This year's gift is a full tank of gas for the GR1FT3R.

My low fuel indicator is lit.

It's all good.

So Sayeth Das Behr

... and now from the "when it rains, it pours" file...

To set the stage of the little drama that occurred either last night or early this morning depending upon if a new day is determined by the Oh-Hundred hours (0.00hrs) or when one awakens in the morning.

We were at Renegades and my roommie was standing in the doorway to the patio. I'd look up at him and he'd step back inside, not saying a word. It was like a minute or two later then he did it again. Again almost like clockwork he did the same maneuver. All three times not saying a word. It reminded me of a broken cuckoo clock that went to the door but didn't announce anything.

I needed a refill of my coffee. A cheap elixir priced at a two for one deal of a buck
seventy-five. The cuckoo was again in the doorway as I approached.

"Excuse me." I said with my usual polite manner. The cuckoo remained, nearly blocking the door.
"Excuse ME" I stated again, with a bit more urgency as if to say in polite American English: 'get the FUCK out of my way'.

Once again, the dude just stood there. he didn't even acknowledge that I was standing there attempting to pass through the doorway. So naturally, I moved around him scraping my jacket on the door jam.

I got to the pool table when I and the rest of the bar heard, my roommie shout-

"Where's rent?"
"You told me that I had til the end of the month to pay my rent, that my car payment was most important." I snapped back, unsure as to why a dramatic exchange is happening.
"Do YOU have a recording of me saying that?"
I ignored that comment- please a fucking "recording"? I'm not with the NSA, I don't make recordings of conversations- yet with this guy I can see the 20/20 hindsight would've been to get his generosity in writing.
"You're so outta there" he shouts while leaving the bar.

"What the fuck was THAT all about?" I asked rhetorically. Big John the bartender piped up and said "I dunno, I've never seen him like that before." Neither had I and I lived with him since June 2k7.

I hate being caught off guard like that... I had to tell some of my friends what had just happened and if at all possible, find a sympathetic friend-space I can crash at
or at the very least a backyard I can pitch my tent in.

Damn! but when it rains, it so freaking pours!

No Job.
No Space.
Rapid drain on finances.
Got cellphone.
Got internet connectivity.
Got my car.
and
Some Day My Prince Will Come

So Sayeth Das Behr

We've got some nice parting gifts...

Oh, well! It would seem that when it comes to multi-tasking and monitoring supposedly automated systems is not my calling. das Behr was un-ceremoniously dismissed from his employer last week.

Admittedly, Das Behr's reaction time was not nearly as up to snuff as it could've been. The megawatts that were produced had no way of completing it's financial journey and
Das Behr was key to that estimated 35k dollar loss.

Das Behr was advised that his shift reporting was spot-on and everything was well documented. Unfortunately one customer in particular demanded my departure as the only likely recourse- for the loss of above mentioned estimated loss.

I knew that I'd be stretching myself a wee bit. Market operating at that company was a long way removed from software application support. Yet I am not one to back down from a challenge.

Se la vie.

So Sayeth Das Behr

... I've got to get a-way ...And away I shall!

there was once a time when a joke had described the true meaning of "frustration". It was defined as the stopping of oneself from beating the shit outta someone who really deserves it. Kinda like stopping yourself from sneezing. C'mon, we all have had experience, haven't we? How relieving is it to sneeze so loudly and at the worst opportune time that you end up spraying mucous everywhere. But no we really can't do that. we need to be nice, all the FUCKING TIME. Don't we?

How strange that we as a society have come to such a lame-assed place that the mere use of using a car horn would be considered as an act of aggression. Akin to Road Rage, it's not considered nice to "upset" your fellow driver. You know, your fellow driver that has just cut you off. Your fellow driver who didn't feel like stopping at the intersection and just kept right moving against other fellow drivers whom sit in traffic at stoplights to wait their turn to move forward.

What a FUCKING PITY it has become to vent yourself by using "sign language" toward your fellow driver who are acting like the jerk in the white house. Like him, your fellow driver doesn't give a flying fuck about you as they enter into the flow of freeway traffic doing 35mph. Nah, they're too busy having their cellphones plastered to the side of their heads, like they are THE ONLY people on the freeway/roadway/parking lot.

I've always been an aggressive driver. if my fellow automobile operator is moving too slowly, I flash my highs. I perform traditional Californian Stops at stop signs and traffic lights. Yet ever since that jerk in washington has been allowed to plunder the treasury, my fellow americans are getting obese.

It's like a good chuck of people around me just don't care that they are traveling on a road straddling two lanes and treat stop signs like suggestions.

yeah, I got road rage bad, no, no, I mean really bad. Bad enough to really want the-god-giving-right to rip someone's arm from they;re body and beat them with it til they're unrecognizable gobs of flesh at the side of the road/grocery aisle/TSA queue.

Therefore, I've decided that I must leave the Valley and get away from the morons.

I decided to go up to the Russian River Valley and spend some time amongst the redwoods. Yeah, I be goin' to Guerneville for a nice four day respite. This behr is headed for the woods in Northern Cali. No cellphone, no TV, No connectivity.

Das Behr needs to disconnect.

Das Behr needs to drop off the grid for a few days.

And that's just what I'm going to do.

peace y'all

So Sayeth Das Behr

Andrew's Bathtub/Electrical Grid Analogy

Yeah, Das Behr has acquired a new job in the fascinating world of Energy. But, not just ANY type of energy, rather the Electrical Energy Market...

It would seem that electrical energy is the new cash cow within the de-regulated energy market. Electrical Energy is a market commodity moving at the speed of light. It's a complicated world of Reserve Capacities, Frequency Balancing and quick thinking.


An "easy" example is that of imagining a bathtub. [Whereas the bathtub is the electrical grid] Water is constantly running into this imaginative bathtub and likewise the drain is un-stoppered. The water flow into the tub is like that of an electrical energy SOURCE [generated power IN]. The water flowing out of the drain is the LOAD (a.k.a. DEMAND). The water within the tub must be kept at a constant level or "Frequency". Here in The States (and Canada and Northern Mexico) the Frequency is 60 cycles per second. Which is better known as 60 Hertz (60Hz). At this time there's no technology available that can store AC power. Therefore to maintain 60Hz there must be a balance between what is consumed and what is generated.

In the event of too much generation and not enough demand or too much demand and not enough generation, The 60Hz balance is lost and one of two scenarios will take place.
1> Too much generation will cause the frequency to increase above 60Hz, then nothing electrical will operate properly- voltage spiking is very likely.
2> Too much demand will cause the frequency to fall below 60Hz, again nothing electrical will operate properly- voltage drops is very likely.

In either case, there will be some type of electrical failure. That is why it is IMPERATIVE that frequency be maintained.

Okay, now that there's the fundamental understanding of the nature of the electrical grid, Next blog will add a twist into the mix- Energy Futures.

Your best buys are ALWAYS at...

If you think it's Fry's... You're sadly mistaken!

Aarrgghh!

I FINALLY got my notebook back. Das Behr had tried to burn a disc- let's call it a "back-up" disc. I bought a stack of CD+/-RW blank discs. Popped on in the optical drive and opened my burn app. I then get a dialog box pop-up that basically stated that there was no burn capability on the optical drive.

Huh?

I looked at the bezel on the side of DasBehr Notebook and re-read the info that prompted me to buy the notebook in the first place: Multi-disc, DVD-RW

Obviously, something must be wrong with the application, I surmised. So I closed all my apps, did a re-boot, re-opened the burn app. Same result! Naturally being the geek I am, I verified the hardware profiles....

STANDARD DVD ROM

WHAT THE FUCK??!!??

Those silly people at Fry's didn't verify the optical drive to "see" if it actually burned discs as stated on the bezel. Which, by-the-by, is "an easy snap-on, snap-off bezel" according to Intel's "How To Replace An Optical Drive" (and why Intel would even have such a manual, is beyond me- but I digress)

I pack up my notebook and head to Fry's...

First I speak with the "Manager of The Day" Mr. Tran. A slim man nicely dressed in a suit and a nice tie that his wife must have chosen for him. Mr Tran was wearing a scowl on his face. I know this scowl, it comes from being the only sane person amongst a bunch of fuck-ups.

I explain to him my concern. I even powered-up the notebook to demonstrate my claim.
The only words out of his face was "Why did you wait six months to bring this to our attention?" I looked at him kinda dumb-founded and replied "This was the first time that I had the NEED to perform a system back-up, THAT'S WHY."

I immediately get shuffled over to the SERVICE DESK, where a cute Indian-American boy
"assisted" me further. Again, I explained my concern regarding the optical drive. Next he hands me a five page "Service Authorization Form" and instructs me as where I needed to put my signature and where to initial. I began reading the packet, but the boy grew a bit impatient and said that it's just a standard authorization. I stated that I READ things before I sign-off on them. Luckily, I had because one of the line items that needed an initial, stated that "in the event of a bad Operating System, Fry's will REFORMAT the hard-drive".

Oh No I Don't THINK So!

So in the box for my initials- I wrote that "I DO NOT AUTHORIZE A HDD REFORMAT".
The service boy then says to me that it's standard procedure. To which I countered that the sole purpose of my visit was for a burning optical drive and that there was no need to fuck with the operating system.

"But, sir, in the event of a bad driver, a reformat is necessary"
"WHAT?!, Dude- I've been using computers since you were in grade school. My first computer was a Tandy 4k for which I wrote programs in machine language (simple little programs, actually but hey I was on a roll). Correct me if I'm wrong- but a driver is a small string of code that tells the OS how to work a device, right?"
"Well, yeah."
"Okay, then, please don't insult my intelligence. Tell me- would YOU reformat a HDD based solely on a bad driver?"
"Well, uh, no. I wouldn't" The "tech" stammered. I look at the banner located behind him that proudly stated that all Fry's technician's are A+ certified.
"Then, why the hell would I?"

Nothing, no comment. Off went my notebook for a five week stay at Fry's waiting for an optical drive from HP. So here is my story of woe. If I can do anything to help those folks I know, all I will say is this...

IF YOU MUST GO FRYs, SAVE YOURSELF ALOT OF FRUSTRATION- GET SOFTWARE ONLY, YOU'LL BE GLAD YOU DID

So Sayeth Das Behr

Come Backs

Whew, Das Behr has been all a twitter of late... The day trip to the coast was wonderful despite the fog. Since then, I've been more or less stuck here in the valley. Good news is I'm no longer living in my Cobalt. I've secured a new roommate situation and that is moving along slowly the way it ought to. My new EDD claim form has been submitted and I ought to be getting some much needed monies to pay some bills.

I've been checking out the availability of broadband connection options in the localmarketplace... and I got to say ARRGGHHH. What a disappointment overall. I like the aspects of Cable internet, but without a TV nor a TV card in a yet to be built computer box, it still equals no TV. DSL is also a bit pricey for what I want as far as bandwidth is concerned. Wide Area WiFi in San Jose is for the most part still a pipe dream. So that leaves only microwave- ala Sprint.

I recently, like today, read online about two comebacks that'll be happening here in the Bay Area... the Save Mart grocery chain has decided to bring back the LUCKY'S brand. many of the now closed Albertson's locations and the still functional Albertson's Stores are going to be affected by the re-branding. According to the Save Mart company will close all the stores for a two-day period and then re-open under the Lucky's brand. The story can be found here.

Yea! The San Jose Earthquakes are coming back to San Jose!

Lack of enthusiasm for MLS was one of many factors which forced the then Earthquake franchise to head out of town and onto Houston where the 'quakes underwent a name change to be more palatable with the Houston crowd. Anyways, look for the new version of the San Jose Earthquake soccer team sometime in 2008. W00T, W00T!!

As for my own comeback? well, that is still in the works. In the meantime, I'm still sending my cover letters and attached resumes to all the jobs- that I know I can do, as found on Craig's List. A friend advised me of a temp gig doing some project management and general office stuff on a temp basis til the middle of October for 11 bucks an hour. And there's a recruiter from Wired Talent that has an opening for a CSR at a local game software company, in Mountain View, for a long-term temp gig.

But for now as always of late... It's a wait and see kinda thing.

lastly, check out the Das Behr MySpace Presence VERSION 2.0

So Sayeth Das Behr

Over the Hill, the 07.07.07 day trip

Wow! One of my latest photos taken with my Nokia!

Das behr was feeling a whole lotta boredom this past Saturday, the "lucky" day for weddings and lotto players. 07.07.07 The palindrome day. Anyways, like I just mentioned I was b-o-r-e-d that day. I had just completed my first week livin' in my car (surprisingly comfortable for sleeping, but I digress.) I found myself up in San Mateo county at the Vista Point that's notorious for guys to whip out their cocks to anyone looking for a show. **Not Das Behr mind you, I am well aware of what a penis looks like regardless of who it belongs to! ** besides many guys are clueless to the fact that CHP usually hangs out on the opposite ridge keeping tabs on the goings-on. Anyway Das Behr was coming up on the end of the allowed 6 hour stay and it was fast approaching 14.00hrs. Not wanting to waste anymore of the day without doing something constructive, I looked toward the west and watched as the fog kept rolling over the mountain range.




Then I made the decision to drive over the hill and see if the gate is open on the San Gregorio private beach.

i love driving over the hill on Woodside Road aka Highway 84. It is a pleasant drive complete with beautiful vistas and narly switch-backs. It is so unlike the other two routes over the hill. Namely Route 92 to Half Moon Bay and Highway 17 to Santa Cruz.

Highway 84 is the lesser traveled route. 92 has a sometimes pain-stakingly slow crawl of traffic replete with day-tripping tourists and tractor trailer trucks. 17 is a freeway for most of it's passage up and over the Summit. Funny the same people who drive like turtles on the flat valley floor freeways, are zooming assholes on a slalom race. That's why i like 84, it's a gentle trip. Top speed at times is a blazing 35mph. the slowest speeds are the posted ones of 15mph. Like I said those switch-backs (hairpin turns)are narly.

Twenty miles later, I was approaching the "t" intersection where 84 stops at the PCH (Pacific Coast Highway). Sure enough is was foggy! No matter- I knew it would be besides that...

I WAS ON THE COAST, YAY!

For those not familiar with the beaches of Northern California, Hiking down a trail hugging a cliff is pretty much the norm here. Here are some pics of that trek:



My Cobalt is seen here parked at the top of the trailhead.



Halfway down the cliff trail...



The view westward from the trail's mid-point.



Once on the beach, here's a glance back to the trail I just traversed.



Ah, the fog enshrouded coast!



The tide was going out at the time of this shot.

The private beach is located at the end of a "toll" road through a coastal ranch. I arrived around 15.00 and was advised by the toll-taker that the beach will close at 19.00 "if you last that long". What a queer thing to say, I pondered.

I trudged along the beach for about a quarter mile and found my "condo". Everyone I know who also go to this beach have always referred to the gay made driftwood corrals as condos. So I found mine and set-up camp. Here are the pix of my condo and the view from it:



Yeah, I know there's nothing much to it. A real fixer upper!



The view from the condo towards the cliff...



And finally a view from the inside...



Lastly, another pic of Das Behr!



So Sayeth Das Behr

Amazing 21st Century Technological Majik

Dateline: 1st July, 2k7 Surprisingly, my car is quite comfy to sleep in! But, I digress- I'm sitting here as of this sentence (19.30) parked in San blah-zay, (Renegades) tapped into someone's unsecured WiFi, with a tab open on the Das Behr MySpace presence listening to a stream of Bastard Pop via the MP3 input jack on the dash for the wonderful base response of my car speakers. My friend's are impressed and agree that it IS technological majik happening here!

So Sayeth Das Behr

Things I've Lost or Another Trip Down Melancholy Lane

Popular thought states that if you've done alright without something for 18 months, you probably don't need it. usually this pertains to clothing... Yet, I'm placing my own unique spin on it and not apply this theory to clothing. I've recently "lost" my storage locker and all my belongings therein. I kept a storage locker for nearly 2 years. The storage locker had a rental fee of $100.00 per month, which I just couldn't afford any longer. Among those lost items were nothing that had any real monetary value. The only value was emotional. It was my stuff. It was hand-me-downs, basically, nothing more...

Very masculine. Very butch. Very me.

My leather motorcycle jacket made in Pakistan. It was made of 25 point leather and it felt as though it weighed 25 pounds. It was given to me by a friend almost 20 years ago. The jacket was apparently abandoned by a former co-worker of this friend and she had the foresight to save it from a trip into the dumpster. I enjoyed wearing that jacket. It looked great. I cleaned it once a year and kept it looking good. And I looked good wearing it, too. Very masculine. Very butch. Very me. I wore the jacket all the time from late summer through mid-winter. Unlike many of the other leather folk whose leathers only came out of their respective closets for various leather events in SF, like Folsom Street Fair or Dore Alley or the Leather Nights at the old Renegades on Stockton. But over the years that it was in my daily care, it was beginning to show it's age. The pockets had deteriorated and could no longer function as pockets. Then the lining deteriorated and the insulation fell out of it. Perhaps it's best that it's gone because I'll be able to get a new jacket for less than it would to refurbish my Pakistan jacket.

There was a matching credenza and night stand that I got from my friend Ottah, just before he moved to the District of Columbia. The credenza, made of pressed wood with a plastic like wood veneer, it was about six feet long with a cabinet at each end with three drawers in the center. The matching night stand was chocked full of black octagon dishes a service for four with coffee mugs.

Years ago I bought a remnant from a closing JC Penney store. In it's previous life this item was a glass display case for picture frames. When I acquired it, it continued being used as a functional display case. Standing 5 and a half feet tall, save the plastic connector clips that supported the shelves and back, the remaining components- bottom, top, sides, rear and three shelves of the case was made entirely of 3/4" tempered plate glass. My audio equipment and sound mixer as well as my library and other glass objects d'art were all housed in my glass case.

With the advent of home CD burning, my black Pioneer double tape deck saw little use, perhaps someone can find enjoyment with it now. Another JC Penney's piece was a display three panel screen and wicker basket filled with clean T-shirts and old pairs of shorts. A ginger jar like lamp was given to me years ago when buying storage locker contents was better than going to a yard sale.

I don't regret many things. but I do regret losing my hand-knitted Granny Square styled crocheted afghan that my Mom made for me, a good 30 years ago. I also had in my possession my brothers' afghan- it was my intention to send it to his wife as a gift- a sort of peace offering. Well so much for regret.

Material things are temporary. I just hope that someone or many someone's may get some use out of my belongings... And maybe pass them along too.

So Sayeth Das Behr

Things I Have Done

Recently, I began to think back on all the things I've done over the years. Some may be considered unremarkable and others- once in a lifetime events...

I had once worked in a darkroom where I duplicated and processed 35mm microfilm. I had taught myself defensive driving skills by doing donuts on an ice covered parking lot. I had once bought $200 worth of Chicago albums in one shot. I had bought my first compact disc- Mike Oldfield's TUBULAR BELLS before I owned a CD player. I had my Massachusetts drivers license seized by CHP after I got pulled over for doing 80 in a 55 MPH zone near SFO. I had committed an act of vandalism at a school in Massachusetts- I threw multiple rocks through many panes of glass. The first girl I had kissed was Mary Priolli when I was eight years old. The last girl I had kissed was Ruth McDonnell, just before I came out to her. The first man I had kissed was also my first boyfriend- TJ Lewis. My first car was a Chevy Vega, that I had once drove recklessly through a snow covered cemetery, hit a snow bank and busted my timing belt. After the thaw I noticed I had sheared off a headstone that was hidden in the snow bank. I had totalled my dad's car when I was 19. The aftermath of that accident had put 35 stitches to close the inside of my mouth. I had been struck in the mouth with the blade of a shovel, which chipped all of my lower teeth. Growing up, I hated my brother Doug so much, that I stood by and did nothing as some neighborhood kids beat the crap out of him. I had been gay bashed twice, with skateboards, within a four week period. I had bought an old true quadraphonic sound system from a friend, just to listen to the first three Chicago albums. I had thrown a knife at my sister after she called me a faggot. I had never cheated on any of my boyfriends. I got pulled over on the freeway for driving too slow- I had witnessed a motorcyclist getting decapitated in a horrific accident 10 miles back.

I had driven my VW Beetle 18 months without a proper registration nor insurance. I drove round trip to San Diego for Pride. I had missed my brother's [Adam] wedding, which in turn spurned a 15 year estrangement. I have two nieces and two nephews that don't know me nor I them. I had gone to college for architectural design, but dropped out just as AutoCAD was being introduced at the college level. I had been a member of Queer Nation/San Jose. I've had sex with 528 different guys over a 20 year period.

I had once fallen asleep behind the wheel and woke up after I had changed lanes. I once slept under the Park Avenue Bridge. I had "survival camped" along the Guadalupe River for three months. I had slept in a sitting position in my VW and I had developed Deep Vein Thrombosis. My appendix had burst while at work and I waited a week before seeking medical attention because I thought the pain would go away. I subsequently lost three feet of bowel due to peritonitis. I lived through two pulmonary embolisms. I have an In-Chest Defibrillator [ICD] with a dead battery. I've awaken in a panic after discovering that I was no longer breathing. I've been clocked at 3 minutes between breaths during an apneac event. I have a high degree AV block.

I walked from Daly City to Palo Alto in five hours one night. I walked from SoHo to Kensington and through Piccadilly Circus at 4 in the morning. I cruised for guys on the London Underground. I walked through the National Mall, in the District of Columbia at 5 in the morning. I traded my microwave oven for a car ride to the bus station to get out of Fort Myers Florida. I had done "mil-spec" soldering of SMT printed circuit cards. I had quit smoking cigarettes for 3 months in the late 90s.

I have always "been there" for my friends, sometimes without regard for my personal well-being. I have performed emergency road repair on my VW with a butter knife. I had replaced the gas tank on another VW and used medical grade flex tubing for a fuel line. I lived in my Subaru for five months while I worked at SFO. I have been to fourteen consecutive SF Pride events. I had post-9/11, 24/7 access to the AOA [Airport Operations Area] aka- the Ramp and sometimes had the opportunity to watch the 747-400's achieve lift. I had nearly become a "speed bump" to an inbound United 747 on her way into a "G" Side gate. I had been on "Death's Doorstep" on three separate occasions. I had busted my ass for my customer- Virgin Atlantic Airways. I have met Steve Ridgeway [CEO, Virgin Atlantic Airways]. I have met Sir Richard Branson [Chairman, Virgin Group].

So Sayeth Das Behr

A-Ha! So, There!

My car payment is due every month about this time. Up until the current month, the buyer, would internally route the remit slip from his office to me. Each month and I'm talking, like, five. But not for June. Strange, I don't think he would've forgotten the procedure. he's good like that. The buyer would always open the envelope with a slicing tool and I'd find it atop my table...

Hmm, wonders Das Behr's inner thoughts...

I suppose, it's possible, that perhaps, the buyer is setting me up for failure !?!

Damn, no remit slip. How the hell was I going to send in the payment without a remit slip? I don't want to just enclose my check in an envelope and send it off. Yeah, same risk as mailing it with a remit slip... but still.

I tried creating an online account to do an "e-pay". But I need an authorization code and stuff. but then I read further on the financially sticky website, that I can make a phone payment! Jotting down the number directly into DasBehr Nokia, I made a phone call. entered some routing numbers and checking account numbers and voile!

Payment made and will post for today 12 June 2k7. it was due on the 14th. that in itself is also strange because my payments were due on the fifteenth of each month...

JUNE 2007 MONTHLY INSTALLMENT PAID.

A-Ha!

So, There!

... don't fuck with me fellas...

So Sayeth Das Behr

I'd Rather Fight Than Switch

There's nothing like borrowing a tag-line from an old cigarette brand, like Tarrington's. I vaguely remember the TV commercials that depicted this good looking guy with a black eye. Apparently this good looking guy chose to fight rather than switch to another cigarette brand.

Well... As it turns out, there seems to be some legal matters to be worked out. My research shows that since I'm the co-buyer on my car- that I would need to be bought out of the contract before my car can be taken from me. These are some of the points that I am considering:

1> The DMV registration has my name on it, too.
2> As co-buyer, it is my OBLIGATION to pay the monthly installments on my car.
3> I have POSSESSION of my car.
4> I have not DEFAULTED on any of my payments.

as far as DMV is concerned, I'm the registered co-owner. As co-buyer, I signed the auto loan contract and are legally binding to pay it off either through 60 monthly installments or all at one time. My records show 5 consecutive on-time payments thus far. Therefore no defaults- no one can take my car if I'm maintaining the payments. The Cobalt is in my possession, which is like "squatters rights" with a twist. As well as documented proof, as in copies of my cancelled checks that my payments were made on-time each month since this past February.

Now if the buyer wants me off of that contract- he'll have to buy-me-out on all monies that I've put into that car. Or relinquish himself from the contract. Either way that loan doc is going to be re-written. If he decides to buy me out then hell, I also want the $500 that my Subaru earned in the trade. I'd like to work this out- but, if it comes to it I'm prepared to go to small claims court as a last resort. I'm a mellow guy, but when I get T-boned by someone who thinks he knows it all. Hell, the whole point of a co-signer on a loan is to "lend" the help of a more superior credit rating. It does not give carte Blanche rights to take something away and give it to another. As Faye Dunaway portrayed Joan Crawford so eloquently in the movie Mommy Dearest- I'm reminded of the line stated during the Pepsico Board meeting...

DON'T FUCK WITH ME FELLAS!

The gauntlet has been thrown and will most likely trash an 18 year friendship.

You've Been Screwed, But Here's A Nice Parting Gift

I got T-boned this morning.

I didn't even see this one coming. Oh sure I saw the CAUTION BRIDGE OUT sign but I was assured that I would have plenty of time to stop and take another path. Well apparently not the path that I would've chosen for myself. I had to follow THEIR path. The optional paths I was considering had been blocked off by invisible force fields. I HAD to stay in the uber expensive Bay Area.

DasBehr was unceremoniously advised that a new roommate was obtained and that said new roommie will be moving in later this month. In addition, unless DasBehr can cough up an auto insurance policy to cover a 15,000 car to the tune of $800,000.

-OR-

Buy out the co-signer on the $15,000 car loan, then DasBehr can keep the Cobalt.

Uh, yeah, sure, like THAT is going to happen... It's already been decided much to my dismay. The previously agreement of "get-a-new-job-by-the-end-of-June-or-get-out" has expired. My Cobalt will be given to the new incoming roommate and I will assume the new roommates current car- a circa 1988 Cadillac with a leaky oil pan.

I'll be deploying my safety net later today. I filled-up the Cobalt and want to take it to the coast at least one more time before I "surrender" it.

Oh, and as for the notebook computer, I get to keep that as a "consolation gift".

Now where did I put those Portland Oregon brochures?

Dropping Off The Grid

Okay, the inevitable happened. As previously mentioned- the ol' drink in one hand and smoke in the other- hit me full force this past weekend. DAMN!

I bought my first pack of smokes in more than a week. And I've made the decision that I'll be doing the quit thing with more vigilance and vigor starting tomorrow 5 June.
I need to drop off the grid for awhile. No more hanging out with my smoker friends. I can't remain steadfast in my quest for a more healthy lifestyle if I continue to hang out amidst all the temptations presented within a bar atmosphere.

During the week of no tobacco, my sense of smell returned, I could taste things again, my breathing wasn't obstructed, I had more energy due to an increase in oxygen, and my sinuses weren't clogged up.

Gee, even I can see the benefits of not smoking and I need to succeed in this.

And of course, I will...

After 28 years, I KNOW I CAN DO THIS.

Well it finally happened. The price of a pack of cigarettes and a gallon of petrol have now come into balance. A gallon of petrol could propel my car 28 miles. Contrastingly, a pack of 20 oxygen robbing cigarettes could not propel me nearly that far- My lungs can no longer keep up with the air requirement to propel my mountain bike, let alone dance and I really enjoy dancing!

Once upon a time when I was grossly involved with my addiction- I would fore go sustenance to ensure I had at least a pack of cigarettes on hand. My stomach would be growling quite audibly, but I'd ignore it, as long as I got my nicotine fix.

Whenever I felt hungry, I'd "comfort" myself with the knowledge that at least I had some smokes. For years I smoked in what seemed like wild abandon. It was my safety blanket when I got stood up for a date. It was there for me when I felt depressed, when I was lonely in a crowd, when I was stressed and when I was drunk, It was there my mini-escape from reality. In the late Nineties, I went on the patch. I had not smoked for almost four months, then I relapsed. A decade later I knew I had to try again, because I've been lying to myself for what seemed to be all the fucking time:

"I'll quit smoking next week."
"I will quit smoking soon."
"This is my last cigarette."
"I really need to stop smoking."

I made "quit dates" and ignored them. I went on the patch and smoked anyway.
I smoked long cigarettes, I smoked short cigarettes, I smoked roached cigarettes.
When I ran out and had no cash or plastic to get more, my inner junkie would come out and I saw myself staking out public ashtrays- hunting for cigarettes long enough for me to rip-off the filters and smoke the remainder like a joint.

Thinking aloud one day, I surmised, what were my triggers for reaching for my cigarettes? Plainly, it's boredom. Why is it that we all must "look busy" at all times? Then it occurred to me... I don't. It's okay to be doing nothing at all, it's okay not to smoke.

The sub-conscience urge.

It was strange and quite weird when I first noticed this phenomena. I was sitting and chatting amongst a group of friends. Of my friends, all but two smoke cigarettes regularly. I reached for my pack and extracted one cigarette. It was then that I noticed other smokers also reach for their pack and take-out a cigarette. Yet, unlike me, they all sparked up. It was like watching a wildfire in slow motion...

Ouch.

I ran out of cigarettes last Friday afternoon, 25 May, around six-ish. It was then that I made the decision that I refuse to buy more. I know I can do this. Case in point- one week prior, I was washing my car, I spent four hours performing that labor of love and not once during that afternoon did I feel the urge to light up.

Last Sunday, I found a cigarette with a hit left on it. So, being the nico-addict that I am, I lit it and inhaled. I had gone 36 hours without nicotine and this small booster of nicotine sent my physiology into hyper-drive. The first thing I felt was light-headed to the point of feeling dizzy. Then I noticed my heart rate jump to a faster pace, then I began sweating and felt a headache beginning to form. I immediately sought out my bed and waited almost ten minutes for me to recuperate and for the first time it did something I had never anticipated- it scared me.

It is now the night of Tuesday, 29 May. It's been at least 48 hours since I took that hit off the roached cigarette. I'm still without cash. My car now has a low fuel indicator illuminating my dash cluster. I've located my 2mg nico-gum. Rotten Robbie's is selling "nicotine infused water" in 2 mg doses.

I have yet to test my new found freedom from cigarettes. I've yet to venture out to where the smokers congregate. I've yet to subject myself to having a drink in one hand and feel the "need" to have a cigarette in the other. But to help me in those moments of weakness, I have a new mantra...

I can do this.

I can do this.

I CAN DO THIS.

After 28 years, I KNOW I CAN DO THIS.

Tarnishing Good Intentions

The following is a recent "Bulletin Posting" found on the Das Behr MySpace presence. Following the posting is Das Behr's reaction to the posting- which incidentally was sent to the person that made the post...

"May 24, 2007 1:39 PM
Subject please read
Body: Read all of this one, it is interesting!! Read down to the very bottom highlighted in green, IT GAVE ME GOOSEBUMPS!!! You don't want to miss this! ((*_*))

VERY INTERESTING---



1. The Garden of Eden was in Iraq.

2. Mesopotamia, which is now Iraq, was the cradle of civilization!

3. Noah built the ark in Iraq.

4. The Tower of Babel was in Iraq.

5. Abraham was from Ur, which is in Southern Iraq!

6. Isaac's wife Rebekah is from Nahor, which is in Iraq!

7. Jacob met Rachel in Iraq.

8. Jonah preached in Nineveh - Which is in Iraq.

9. Assyria, which is in Iraq, conquered the ten tribes of Israel.

10 Amos cried out in Iraq!

11. Babylon, which is in Iraq, destroyed Jerusalem.

12. Daniel was in the lion's den in Iraq!

13. The three Hebrew children were in the fire in Iraq (Jesus had been in

Iraq also as the fourth person in the Fiery Furnace!)

14. Belshazzar, the King of Babylon saw the "writing on the wall" in Iraq.

15. Nebuchadnezzar, King of Babylon, carried the Jews captive into Iraq.

16. Ezekiel preached in Iraq.

17. The wise men were from Iraq.

18. Peter preached in Iraq.



19. The "Empire of Man" described in

Revelation is called Babylon, which was a city in Iraq!


And you have probably seen this one: Israel is the nation most often mentioned in the Bible. But do you know which nation is second? It is Iraq! However, that is not the name that is used in the Bible. The names used in the Bible are Babylon, Land of Shinar, and Mesopotamia . The word Mesopotamia means between the two rivers, more exactly between the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers. The name Iraq, means country with deep roots.

Indeed Iraq is a country with deep roots and is a very significant country in the Bible.

No other nation, except Israel, has more history and prophecy associated

With it than Iraq.

And also, this is something to think about: Since America is typically represented by an eagle. Saddam should have read up on his Muslim passages...

The following verse is from the Koran, (the Islamic Bible).

Koran (9:11 ) - For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah;

And there was peace.
(Note the verse number!) Hmmmmmmm?!


I BETTER NOT HEAR OF ANYONE BREAKING THIS ONE OR SEE IT DELETED. This is a ribbon for soldiers fighting in Iraq. Pass it on to everyone and pray. Something good will happen to you tonight at 11:11 PM. This is not a joke. Someone will either call you or will talk to you online and say that they love you. Do not break this chain. Send this to 13 people in the next 15 minutes. Go."


Oh PULEEEZE!

Yes, I agree, Iraq was in fact, Mesopotamia. But to put a "Troop spin" on it then make it into a chain letter, truly in this Behr's opinion, it's now rubbish! The youngsters being killed in that blood bath signed up to do a job. Unfortunately they, and the rest of us, were TOTALLY misled into believing that the former Iraqi president (that the good ol' US of A put into power and AIDED in the Iraq-Iran war) had conspired with Al Qaeda regarding 9/11 and that Saddam had access to WMDs (remember those?). Many of the Service Members of the Coalition Forces, are trying to stay alive under the extremely difficult conditions. And to affix the information into a FREAKING CHAIN LETTER-?!?!?! Don't even get me started on the insensitive comparison that the Holy Book of Islam (Koran) as the "Islamic Bible". Yet if the comparison was made in the attempt to get simple Americans to relate, then I say give the simpletons the actual name and let them draw their own conclusions.
As for my sub-link in the "chain-letter" consider it broken! Grrrrr!

So Sayeth Das Behr

Technology- Gotta Love it!

Das Behr just LOVES technology. especially consumer technology. How fitting it is to be here in the remnants of Silicon Valley, sitting at my local gay bar enjoying a nice bottle of IPA, with my notebook computer attached to an anonymous un-secured broadband Wi-Fi port and my trusty Nokia cellphone on the side. It's a virtual office without the annoying intra-office politicos. The partner of a friend insists that I ought to be out pounding on doors and filling out job application paperwork. I tried to explain that the job hunt scenario that he once knew, hasn't been in fashion for nearly a decade and a half. Whereas email has become the defacto method of business communication, it would only make crystal clear sense that "job hunting" would become virtual as well. Needless to say, my virtual office hits the road every day around 14:00 hours. First stop is usually Renegades where I sit outside with the above mentioned brew and check over the want ads on Craig's List. The battery on Das Behr Notebook has a capacity of about two hours, so when the battery gets low, I pack-up and head over to Panera Bread, order some food and get back to work- this time on AC power and their free Wi-Fi connection.

Finally, I'm getting some headway. I've been in contact with a company up in The City- who say that I look fantastic on paper. I've had two telephone interviews last week and now they want a face-to-face interview at their office sometime mid-week in early May. There's also another company vying for my attention. I have a phone interview scheduled for tomorrow morning around 09:30 hours.

Keeping fingers, toes and eyes crossed I hope the interviews go well. The gig in San Francisco would be nice as would the latest gig option located in Palo Alto. Either or at this juncture, GR1FT3R loves the open road as much as I do, besides this tooling around on city surface streets is wrecking havoc with my gas mileage!

Internet radio

The time has come for the RIAA to get a back handed slap... I think they are trying to create a monopoly on how music is distributed, marketed and consumed. They are mighty and powerful, but i think a boycott of their members' works of musical art forms must be done in order to reach a compromise. Internet radio and streaming audio has become a method of getting new music into or rather onto the computers of millions of people. To slam webcasters with a 300% increase on fees is insane!

I think it will lead to more illgel ways of music distribution. P2Ps were only the beginning.

So Sayeth Das Behr

The Delightfully Complicated Man

On that night, my haunts no longer sparked. Like an old pair of tennis shoes- though broken-in and tread worn they're nothing to look at and hold no mysteries.

I felt pensive as the new day approached.

Looking, yet not looking. Yearning, but not searching. I ventured out to the rumoured rice palace. It had been nearly a decade since my last encounter there when the enamored Irish fellow had torn the favorite shirt from my torso.

Anticipating intrigue, I walked into the venue where I noted curious eyes darting in my direction then look away. All had, but one. His eyes pierced the antiquated ether between us. A mutually locked gaze both engaging and curious sans the weariness and suspicion to which I'd been accustomed.

He opened up to me rather readily, at times parroting back the opinions of others- who had stated that his "problem" was that he was "fat" and "ugly". I felt as though he was trying to validate those opinions as fact. But I couldn't concur for I saw no problem. From the inner reaches of my mind, I recalled a story similar to this. Yet, before me I observed the contrary. I advised that he didn't have a "problem". For he, in this room of mallards, is the one true swan.

I noted that he's a complex man. His troubled childhood experiences mirror my own. He has discovered as I had, that his earlier life's experiences makes him the man he is today. Strong willed and quite capable of getting just as psychologically deep as the depths of which Das Behr can swim. This swan of a man has the ability to conceptualize abstract theory- Space, Time, and Existence in non-linear terms.

The Superlatives: Delightfully Complicated, strong willed, great sense of family, street smart, really intelligent (hello? "conceptualizes abstract theory" for some it's right up there with rocket science!), hunky, firm biceps, enough curly locks to capture a bear paw, Piercing brown eyes, full lips that I'd love to kiss, squishy in all the right places and a more than a few sandwiches in his pic-a-nic basket, He is all man. smart, quick wit, sharp tongued, endearing, cuddly, all wrapped up in a masculine package!

Mr. G has simple beauty radiating from within. "That's what they say about fat girls" came the quick witted quip. "Fat Girls"?!? Naw, I know nothing about fat girls, but husky guys like me when I was growing up- yeah I remember those years all too well.

I don't normally do this, he said as he guided the pen across the paper revealing his name and phone number. I repeated the same mantra back, because it's true.
i don't normally reveal my phone number either.
How wonderfully low tech, in this age of beaming information, to exchange info on paper. And it didn't take long for me to ensure Mr. Gs info was entered accurately into my cellphone.

I still have his original note, I tend to keep things like that.


So Sayeth Das Behr

The Adventure of Dating

Das Behr recently met two guys.
This entry is about the dude I found online. Mister R. stated that he is 34 years old and lives in the outer Willow Glen area. I hung out with him one afternoon at his place. Apparently he was only interested in multiple hits of Tina in his glass pipe. He had an interest in mixing music. he told me that he has a job working at an animal hospital. But alas, as we in the know are acutely aware that an addiction to Tina consumes your life. His home was in disarray and if I were to extrapolate a little, his flat was a reflection of his life. Despite the fact that we seemed to have hit it off. Mister R. is a very likable guy. He would've been worth my time in getting to know him better, but...

I can't compete, or more to the point, I refuse to compete with meth.


So Sayeth Das Behr

Yea! I got my EDD!

Not that Das Behr was getting worried about it... well a little. Now I can afford to put gas into the GR1FT3R and pay my next loan installment and finally get the patch cord for my cellphone. I have nearly 2gigs of images that I'll be transferring off the phone. Even tho' the final placement will be on the PSP, I'll have my photographic art located a bit more securely than on a cellphone.

So Sayeth Das Behr

CH-CH-CH-CHANGES

Das Behr survived another birthday-- yea! Forty-five physical years on this plane of existence. Recently a friend noticed that Das Behr had shaved off his beard and commented wow- you look sooo much younger! Easily 32 or so!

Hmmm, maybe some stubble will be the look for Spring...

Oh, and a new distraction:

New Bear, Cub, and Chaser Chat Site

Das Behr will see where this goes... hehehe

Das Behr has been seeing this phrase with more and more frequency...

LTR/Open

Das Behr is cool with open relationships... whatever a couple agrees upon is THEIR AGREEMENT. Yet if presented with an option to relieve an itch and that itch is within an LTR/Open, how does one go about and get the balls rolling?

Mr M. is a tall, hunky bear with a firm arse which makes Das Behr's mouth water and tongue to twitch. Just thinking about lapping betwixt those man globes...

stop, stop, stop... time for another cold shower!

Das Behr was accused recently, of being too aggressive. Moi? too aggressive? When my accuser was asked to explain his rationale- DasBehr only got a "that's not my way" for an explanation.

WHAT??!!??

Okay, whatevah

Male-to-male contact is what this ol' bear CRAVES. Body contact. Legs intertwined full contact...

Uh-oh...

Cold Shower Time!

So Sayeth Das Behr

Here I go again...

Recently, like yesterday, I got a phone call in the oh-dark-thirty time of the morning. It was Manny calling the house phone. "Pick-up, pick-up the phone! Okay, so you must still be comatose- listen up, Nelson is trying to get a hold of you- you didn't pay your cell bill, did you? Call Nelson, they'd been trying to get a hold of you and they called me, like, four minutes ago."

Groggedly, Das Behr picked up the receiver of the cordless phone. "Wait are you still there?"
"Yeah, you didn't pay your cell bill did you?"
"Ah, no- not yet, I didn't have enough cash, so I just chocked that up as one of the penalties of not turning in my timecard on-time."
"Yeah, well NEXT time would you let me know? I'll pay for it and then you can pay me back. But hey- call your temp agency- some woman called me around 7:30 looking for you..."
"Nelson? Why couldn't they wait til I got into work?"
"I don't know, she said she was calling from the road and if she can't speak to you directly- then she'll hafta get you at work."
"Oh, okay- thanks Manny I'll call her, now."
"How much do you owe for your Cell?"
"The usual- 60 bucks."
"Okay, your phone should be back on in about an hour."
"Oh okay-thanks!"
****
"Hi, this is Amy..."

I won't bother you with the text version of my conversation. Suffice to say, I was informed that the "client" has terminated my contract. Talk about being blind-sighted and BROAD sided at the same time! Yeah, this was just how I wanted to start my day. I spoke to Jenifer sometime around ten-hundred hours and she stated that if I have any personal stuff at the tower, that I'll need to ask for her when I arrived at the security desk.

It's all about numbers with those guys. Despite the fact that I was informed in writing that my manager will "partner" with me to get my numbers up to where they need to be. During my last coaching and feedback with Ms W, she herself said that she wasn't too concerned with my numbers because "we know you can do this, based on all the 100's you got in the end of January..." Jenifer said that they [the client] had to do a head count reduction and therefore they terminated the contract. But hey, Sony wasn't your employer- Nelson is, and we'll help locate another position, closer to San Jose. Um, okay, but I'm NOT holding my breath.

Besides, SCEA, looks mighty impressive sitting there on top of my resume.

No Apologies, No Regrets...

Well, okay one regret...
I didn't get the opportunity to bond with family on the floor. Well one guy that had Das Behr's gaydar pegged into the MARY category said that he was not gay when Das Behr got permission to ask a personal question- I was SHOCKED- no, no, I'm talking my mouth dropped open in complete disbelief when Robert stated that he was straight. Yeah, okay, excuse me but can you expand the size of that closet? It's obviously not big enough!

For those people that I felt a link with, I sent an email from Das Behr's "business address" and entitled the email "Ciao and Good Luck". I must say it felt good to get responses from the "non-floor" members of the vid-game giant.

As for now, here I go again... I hate looking for work- now there's more urgency- Das Behr has payments on The Gr1f to make and believe you me, I'll start charging for sex if I hafta.

So Sayeth Das Behr

Get the fuck outta my way

Yes indeed... It's new, it's now, and it's real.

Das Behr is growing oh, so tired of the bullshit bein' cast around down here in San Blah-zay...

One man's stalker is another man's confused friend.
Boy, some guys feel as though they enjoy the idea of having or have had a stalker.
What the fuck ever happened to a "secret admirer"? Y'know the harmless people for whatever reason become infatuated with another person. All I'll comment on this topic is this...

If you don't like someone hangin' out wit cha-

HAVE THE FUCKING BALLS TO TELL THE PERSON TO KNOCK IT OFF-!!!
There are many folks that do not respond to subtlety. Many and Das Behr is one of the many, may think of this definition by WordNet- Princeton University:

the quality of being difficult to detect or analyze; "you had to admire the subtlety of the distinctions he drew"...

Yeah, there it is- that's the thing that really defines that man I was infactuated with- he has the quality of being difficult to detect or analyze. Intrigue and mixed signals be gone!

I was out of my mind. There it's out there. Posted in cyberspace for public record.
This may be taken in defense of my actions or more likely the cause-

You try working at a physically demanding full-time job that you hate and must live in your vehicle because you don't earn enough to put a real roof over your head and let's see if you recover from that experience un-scathed.

Yeah, maybe under those conditions, a true friend would've had the ability to see through the infactuation and have the courage to be bold and tell me- bluntly:

"Y'know, Robb- I'm not into you. No seriously- dude. You're not my type- you're more of a brother to me and I want it to stay like that. I'm sorry that you hate your life right now, but I'm not your salvation. Things will get better, just wait and see."

Something like that would've been cool. But no, it's so much easier to make sound-bytes to the ones that enjoy re-hashing dirt to keep it at the top of the chain. It lends bragging rights- what a poor wretch he was. Yeah, that's right buddy-boy, "was" as in past tense.


New Year: New Attitude: Get The Fuck Out Of My Way.

If you're driving the mini-van of your life, all white knuckled and cautious in the fast lane of life, where you clearly do not belong- have the forethought to move aside and let me pass.

If you got a big-assed chip on your shoulder and a problem with the agents of law enforcement which in-turn aggravates your inability to break out of your self-induced delinquency, a label that you've grown so comfortable with... blah, blah, blah.

Lemme make it simple- STAY OUT OF MY WAY.

I've got NO TIME FOR BULLSHIT. Don't like it? Too fucking bad. Get The Fuck outta my way or you'll be kicked to the curb or I'll just step over you- it'll depend on my mood.

Basically: - 2k7 is my year and I've got no tolerance for "little" men living in the past and clinging to old notions that stagnate and rot.

Ah, that felt good.

So Sayeth Das Behr

New Year:New Attitude

Happy New Year!

Man, Das Behr just couldn't wait much longer for the arrival of 2k7. And now it's here!

Goals for 2k7...

Get on the Patch, it's my time to quit the bad smoke...
Join a gym, it's time to shed some bulge...
Extend the olive branch to my estranged siblings...
New Year= New Attitude...
No more tolerance for bullshit- I's don't got da time for it.
The time now is to be as real as I possibly can
Off with the gloves, cause...

I'll be 45 in a scant 52 days! I wanna be in control for my mid-life crises.


Now to get an audience with Ms. Avis

So Sayeth Das Behr